#2.20.19

[1dlarryluv]

Look at his hair

[missinvisibleandco]

"Are You Looking At Me?"

And if so, why?😅(2.20.19)

[only4youtime2dance]

Face expressions: none of this was said but this is what it looks like it would sound like.....

“You said you want a SUMMER Tour ????” I’m sorry I’m on the last day of the current one.

“Another Album?? Slow down I’m not done yet.”

“Don’t play cause I will find a way to do more if it is fun for me. Give me time.”

“Sounds like it could work.”

“Yeahhhhhhh....... you just have to see.”

“What??”

[edo-vivendum]

S and I found an apartment yesterday! It's 575 sq feet and roughly $850/month which is pretty good. It's a adorable, and the community is cute too. My commute to school will be the same as now. It's further from my treatment center, but it's really close to the other location —I'd like to stay at my current location, and I have a friend from group who'd likely be able to drive me home bc she lives near where the apartment is. S wants to move ASAP, so we filled out applications last night. Exciting!

[jyunhaoloves]

i hit 100 followers! thank you all so much for following me, as well as showing support to my blog! i appreciate all of your kind comments! hopefully you all can stick around!

[edo-vivendum]

2.20.19

We got the apartment! I'm not exactly sure when we're moving, but I'm really excited. I'm in a better mood than I was before... Group was really good. The group of girls right now is super supportive.

[missinvisibleandco]

"Working With Dough"

(2.20.19)

[edo-vivendum]

Ugh I crave stability. Last week felt so good, and today I'm back to crying on my walk home and fighting back ED thoughts. I wish I had better ways that worked JUST as well to deal with emotions and shit. This morning's therapy session was so difficult. I wanted to talk about the kid who apologized to me on Monday about middle school, but ended up focusing primarily on how I had to add teddy grahams to my dinner at group. And then P (therapist) talked to me about my patterns and how I'm always trying to negotiate (about food) and that it reminds her of a child that feels powerless and is attempting to get power when in reality I have the control to begin with. And how I derail from emotions and fall into ED stuff. Again. And again. And even throughout our session.... And after feeling like I've been doing awesome.... It's a slap in the face to realize how present my ED patterns are, even when I'm following my meal plan and challenging myself. And I'm so done with it. And I get so frustrated... And then.... My ED/self harm urges are like oh I can help with this. Of course it fucking can (sarcasm). I'm fed up with myself. I'm fed up with the infinite amount of energy my ED absorbs.

And I'm exhausted.

Also I ran out of time on my test and that sucked.