#20 so far

[blanchardd]

THERE ARE SI MANY FLANNELS

[widowelena]

i'm making icons and struggling with deciding which one I'm gonna use

shit

[shelbabie]

dear neighbors it's not Independence Day yet pls wait 30 minutes before lighting off all ur goddamn fireworks

[one-thousand-and-one]

20 SO FAR..

so let’s have a look where we are:

When I was one life had just begun.. I had recently moved into a new home with my mum, dad and sister. We would spend the next 8 years here. I still consider this my home. Moving house was a big struggle, one of the triggers..

When I was two I still didn’t have a clue.. We have audio and video tapes from when my sister and I were younger. Mainly of my sister and me just googling in the background trying my best to be a cute baby. When I was three I begun nursery.. and started making friends. Many of the people I met at this young age I still know today. And although we may not talk or see each other anymore.. or as much, in a strange way, they always will be my friends. And I think that’s pretty cool.

Ages four, five and six glory days in the mix.. I loved this age. I tried so much stuff as a child: dancing, horse riding, playing instruments, singing.. Life was simple, laughing with friends, school was fun. I was often top of the class, I remember I was the first to master singing the alphabet backwards. Forever proud! When I was seven a new millennium.. Typical tourist to the London, the dome, the eye. That was pretty cool.

At the age of eight I had a birthday date.. With some animated chums. We were in Florida (Disney World, of course) with another family. And on my birthday we went and ate breakfast with all the Disney characters and goofy gave me call. It was magical. Truly magical. I was such a lucky ducky.

To be be nine and ten I'd do it again. My final primary school years. This is where I remember being my most confident. Having struggled with friends from a young age I was starting to feel settled with a group and school was still going well for me. First weekend trips away from home. I was still dancing and swimming and just enjoying life.

Twelve and eleven it felt like starting again.. Starting new at secondary school was tough. I've never been good with change. Friendships, lessons, environment, home. Being a people pleaser I always tried my best to fit in and do what I thought would make other people like me. I regret this.

When I turned thirteen my face it did BEAM.. we welcomed my most loyal, long awaited, beautiful and amazing new member to out family. My Amber, my pooch. Not bad for the 'unlucky' number thirteen eh??

At fourteen I'll say this I had my first kiss.. It wasn't cute, spontaneous, magical or like anything I thought it would be. I was the last of my friends to reach this stage. I felt pressured, like it was a right of acceptance. I'm such a dweeb.

The following two years I pushed through some fears.. Happiness had found me again. A new friendship group pushed me to new experiences, but I felt good. Getting out doing new and different exciting things. I met through doing my BTEC performing arts course. I loved this. We got to meet so many professionals, visits to London theatres, TV sets.. It was truly amazing. I got pushed out my comfort zone in different ways in life and it was good.

Seventeen brought more change this year was a range.. GOOD nights out, learning to drive. BAD nights out, a very painful experience which I still don't talk about.. Struggling with college work, as hard a tried it had been a long time since I was top of my class. It never helped that I always compared myself against others, particularly my sister. Whose intelligence I have always admired and envied.

So I welcomed adulthood future starting and that felt good.. I planned for university, my friends and I went on holiday abroad.. I felt like I was growing up, maturing. I really was enjoying myself and my life. Friends were good, and I was working on college. But that all changed. I didn't get the grades, my friends stopped talking to me.. Change came back and bit me in ass.

My nineteenth came and so did the rain.. me life that I had fought so hard to keep afloat had caught up on me. I could no longer keep up the façade. I went from spending my nineteenth birthday at art college, heading for good grades, to just months later being admitted to hospital after having to leave university. The rollercoaster had truly got a lot more crazy.

And finally my twentieth year, up and downs, smiles and tears. It’s been a tough one to say the least. But I'd really like off this rollercoaster now. I want to be able to look back in years to come and be proud of my life and know that I have bought happiness and smiles. And that I have done all that I can and used all that is within me to do good in this world.

  This post turned out to be very lengthy and I didn't intend for it to be a negative one. hmm.. pat  on the back if you read it all. I'm not all that interesting.