#20-something problems

[mbrainspaz]

the other day after a particularly grueling morning at the ranch I stopped by the liquor store and the cute cashier said “Oh, you don’t look 27!” And not knowing whether he meant I looked older or younger I calmly replied, “It’s the dirt.” 

[insomniac-arrest]

My peers in their 20s: “Yeah, I’m really settling down, getting serious with my s/o, planning out my next career moves.”

Me in my 20s rn after them:

[mbrainspaz]

my boomer dad who spends all day watching TV: I just wish you’d start living your life.

me while working so many different jobs and juggling so many personal projects that my personality was starting to fracture: Yeah ok.

[mbrainspaz]

🙃

Apparently I never make decisions to take control of my life and I make too many risky choices so I need to settle down. I should give guys every chance but never trust them an inch. I'm too independent and too dependent on others. I'm too chaste and I'm a heathen. I should get away from work that's making me unhappy and I should get a full time job at any cost. All my friends are liars and I should open up to more people. I'm chronically lazy and I'm working myself into the ground. I look too feminine and I dress too masculine. I'm not nurturing enough and I waste all my time caring for animals. I'm frail and I'm strong enough to power through. I'm a sensible, reasoning adult and I can't be trusted to think for myself. I'm too logical and I'm too emotional. I'm a gifted artist and everything I create is worthless. I care too much about what other people think and I never listen.

[mbrainspaz]

ultimate lifehack: be a single middle-aged woman in a society where female maturity is still so heavily defined by marriage and children--> be perceived as a naive overgrown teenager forever. 🤙 

[mbrainspaz]

here we go again

now my gran is upset because I’m trying to stop her from setting me up with a friend’s 35 y o son. She showed me a pic of him and I’m not here to judge the guy but he’s out there lookin’ like a plus size Dexter the serial killer and I couldn’t be less interested. “But he’s a rich oil executive!” “Even worse.” “You pre-judge people! That’s your problem!” “Darn right I do. Notice how I haven’t been murdered lately.” If I had a dating rule book it’d start with ‘Don’t go on a blind date with a rich serial-killer lookin’ dude who’s mama is tryin’ to set him up with a broke art hobo.’ There’s plenty there that sets off alarm bells. I just listen.  also I keep telling her I’m trying to talk to a guy I like right now and even if I wasn’t--I’m not looking. I’m fine being single. I hate dating. She’ll never quit though.

[mbrainspaz]

me: ugh, my left ear won’t stop ringing lately.

mom: you’re not that old!?

me: no no, the new horse accidentally bludgeoned me in the ear with his head last week. 

[mbrainspaz]

hey here’s a personal #adultingTip I learned the hard the way: If you’re out there getting too depressed or obsessed with work to eat properly-- stock up on some kind of meal supplement to keep on hand!!!! Something with vitamins, calories, and protein (I’m not a nutritionist, idk, just something healthy-ish) that you can eat or drink when you’re too busy or too anything to eat right. Personally I’ve stocked my fridge with OWYN protein shakes because they’re not too expensive (I stopped buying alcohol and I could afford them just fine) and they don’t have any of the million things I’m allergic to (wow) and I am SO MUCH HEALTHIER this year than I was last year when I kept eating stuff like chocolate chips on toast every time I was too depressed, broke, or overworked to hunt down a real meal.  It’s good to take care of your body even when your mind isn’t helping.