small {big} victories, friends, sadness, and doubt.
Run #1: 7 AM. 3 miles to make up for Monday's semi-botched 3-miler. Except this time I ran 1.25 miles, walked 1.25 miles, and ran 0.5 miles. So a little better, but this time, I ate (tart cherry Noosa yoghurt) too close to run time.
On the bright side, a minor (big) victory was that I was able to wear one of my favorite shorts, a bright orange pair of Speed Shorts that were the namesake of my Project Speed Shorts. However, my work is not yet finished.
Run #2: 6:13 PM. I'd wanted to do 5 miles, but it ended up being 4.22 miles with walk breaks. (My Garmin woefully didn't sync until halfway through The Fly, so we probably did closer to 4.75 miles.) It was my first Thursday group run in 4 weeks. It was good to see the Thursday run crew, but it was a bit different and odd because we all ended up in different mini-groups: Will and Kat sprinted ahead (7:30ish and below, whoa) hard; after warming up, Mern headed back to the store (having already run with Sarah and Meghan); Eva, Johanna, and Brad were probably at least 45-60 seconds ahead of me.
We were together, but apart.
I enjoyed getting to know newcomer Rachel, a history major and manufacturing project manager, with whom I share a love of Baltimore. We ran at about 9:15ish, which was slower than the usual 8:30ish Thursday pace. I probably would have enjoyed it more had I not worn all black or consumed a bar of dark chocolate with cashews and craisins an hour before; I hadn't eaten since 11 AM (a balanced meal of rice, beans, and vegetables), and while the chocolate wasn't heavy, by the time we were along the levee, I began to feel knots in my stomach.
Girls' night was fun, since going out post-Thursday run is a rare occurrence. Sofie gave a presentation about Girls on the Run.
I am just so confused right now… About a lot of things, including my running ability, speed, stamina, etc. What struck me was that both runs today were run/walk, and I am usually able to just run without any breaks and sometimes run consistent or negative splits. I cite this to many things -- improper fueling, dehydration, my cutting out wheat and gluten for the most part this week, old shoes, my period starting today, the humidity, not running regularly since Sea Wheeze, and quite likely anxiety.
I was looking forward to tonight, but for a moment, as I worked and read at the cafe hours before run group, I momentarily feared that I would falter, like Bambi's wobbly first steps… Like I could forget how to run!? I know this is the first week of marathon training and that the work will be worth it, but sometimes I wish that I could trust in my running the way I trust in my Zumba! dancing.
While I did have fun and enjoyed catching up with my Run Chicks, afterward, I felt drained, tense, and kind of upset. And it wasn't because of my Run Chick friends. I could hardly finish a Gala apple when I got home.
Thankfully, when I am upset, I deep-clean.
And divest myself of clutter. I've filled 2 Goodwill bags, catalogued my lululemon keepers, and prepared the rest for sale. (Two pairs of shorts and a plush pullover sold immediately this afternoon, and a hoodie is selling. Booyah.) In doing this, I am reminded of the adage "More stitches, less riches" from Brave New World (e.g., the hypnopaedic "wisdom" that goads inhabitants into throwing away old clothes in favor of avid consumerism), which I am re-reading for the first time since high school. (I was immediately inflamed and disgusted upon the first chapter.)
