21 Things I Have Learned in 21 Years:
Before I dive in, I want to say that a lot of these lessons are actually metaphors for deeper instances such as Lesson #7. Please look beyond these and apply them to your life. Reflect on things you have done, and brainstorm how you can better your years to come.
1. You're doing great, sweetie.
You really are. Stop being so hard on yourself. A human is a being full of imperfections; instead, they have the capability to make something with them. Take what you have been given and run with it, and stop being so hard on yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back because you have made it farther than you ever thought.
2. Your vibe attracts your tribe.
If you are negative, you will attract people of the same mindsets. In turn, you will not grow and may even find yourself questioning your own worth or acting in ways entirely foreign to you. It is important to take a step back and view yourself and your relationships objectively. Positive people attract and raise up positive people. It is a cycle - heck, even a science.
3. Birds of a feather flock together.
This lesson comes from Lesson #2 in that surrounding yourself with stoners or churchgoers allows others to associate you with them. As an ENFJ (or simply an extrovert), you will meet and love many people, but make sure to be conscious of the people you choose to spend your time with because it could sway future opportunities (i.e., how your future in-laws or employers view you).
4. Communication really is key.
In the age of minimal and insignificant communication, the importance of communicating your feelings is vital. No one will know how you feel if you do not tell them. I cannot tell you how many relationships could have been reconciled had I used my big girl voice and vice versa. Which leads me to my next point...
As many know, I am a psychology major which means that I must love helping people, right? Of course I do, but I also need to learn to help myself. If you have trouble understanding your feelings until they blow up or do not know how to handle a situation, seek help. Setting aside your pride and asking for help is more beneficial than you might think! Additionally, I was watching a video for my history course and in it, a (wise) man stated, “It takes a lot of courage to be weak.”
6. Stand for what you believe in
If something is not aligning with your own values, do not be afraid to walk away. If someone questions you, firstly, you owe them nothing -- but if you must, answer them. If you see something unjust taking place before your eyes, use your voice and speak up! Do not let it slide because they have a "status.” Ultimately, we are all the same, and we all make mistakes. Do not be afraid to confront wrongdoings because the other person might not know what they are doing.
So, as most of you probably do not know, I have a fear of vomit. It is only when I am intoxicated that I will willingly take care of someone puking their brains out, usually in a frat house’s bathroom. Please, always offer your hand to strangers, sisters, and even brothers. You do not know what led to the situation or what it could lead to, so try and take care of the girl in the bathroom or the boy about to make a stupid decision. In short, always hold the hair.
8. The world does not owe you an explanation
I spent this summer at Ft. Knox, Kentucky. I was punished for others’ actions and half the time, the cadets were never given an explanation for why they had to “half right, face.” I hated every minute of the “corrective trainings” we were yelled into. However, looking back, it taught me that the world and its creatures really owe me nothing. I am a small spec in this universe, and despite that we are all interconnected, my neighbor still does not have to tell me “good morning” when I grab my newspaper.
9. Big girls do cry (and boys too)
Again, Kentucky forced me to be composed 25/8, to not feel the feelings I normally would have felt in the civilian world, and to not cry. When females cried, I almost resented them. They gave into the stereotype that women are emotional and cannot take the pressure. After returning to the civilian life, I did not feel like myself until I cried about two months later (a total of five months without crying). That is crazy. Please cry (in a public or private environment). It is okay to feel things and crying allows us to release those emotions and hormones. Holding in your emotions is not healthy, even if it makes you appear stronger.
10. Everything is a double-edged sword; live in moderation.
Alcohol is fun and inhibits your insecurities, but it is a depressant, and unfortunately for you, you are affected by it. Parties are fun and socializing is exhilarating, but they are both so draining and impact other areas of your life. Finding a balance and living in moderation is important when it comes to fulfilling your sensory experiences.
11. Food is not fat; food is fuel.
Food does not make you fat. The wrong foods and portions do. What you consume, you release (no pun intended). Eat to energize, to heal, and to enjoy.
12. Back day is the best day.
For me, working out does not come easy. Finding something to look forward to helps me get my booty to the gym and better my mood, body, and wallet.
13. Ruck harder, faster, longer
Army ROTC introduced me to rucking. Rucking is basically hiking with a ruck sack (a heavy backpack). The longest ruck I have gone on was 20 miles. My toughest ruck was in Kentucky when we moved as slow as snails up the steepest mountain ever. I love rucking and hate running. With Lesson #12, find something you are good at and love and get your body moving.
The life you were given is so important and gambling it, treating it with such a lack of care and appreciation is so hard for me to watch. While we should take life seriously, we also should not. We should laugh until we cry, and say “fuck it” more often. Some of my greatest experiences have come from those moments, such as cliff jumping, midnight beach trips, seeing my favorite band alone, and laughing so hard that we fall on the sidewalk.
15. You do not have to see the mountains to cross the river.
I am not sure if this one makes sense, but simply, you do not need to have your end goal defined in order to live life right now. Stop worrying about the future --at least distantly -- and focus on the now, or the next five steps. Life happens, things change -- it is okay.
I have been vegetarian for three years now, and I do not regret it one bit. Some days, I wish I ate meat to make socializing or family dinners easier, but I stuck to my convictions and am bettering myself and the environment. As long as I do not eat meat, I feel like I am directly impacting the environment for the better. Leonardo DiCaprio is proud of me idc.
17. Money is nothing...but it also feeds you...and clothes you...and...
Make money, save money, stop spending it on new boots or burritos. That is really it. I work a lot but am so bad with money and before I know it, I live paycheck to paycheck. I have realized the severity of this though and am looking forward to a better foot forward.
I am sure you have all heard this before at one point or another, but you need to accept and love yourself before you can accept and love others. For me, that meant accepting that some things are fluid, that life is not set in stone -- that I am the way I am. I can change what I want and am able to, but ultimately, I come home to the same bed; I might as well be comfortable.
This goes with Lesson #18, but it is important to love your quirks, weird marks, and personality. For me, I look into personality types (I am an ENFJ) and like to research deeply into it. I like learning about why I do the things I do, and honestly, loving who you are translates into what you look like. I am not sure if that makes sense, but if you think you are cool inside, you will start to think your outside appearance is also pretty cool.
20. Present yourself in your best light
I try and look put together because a large part of interaction is someone’s impression of you. In addition, if you feel presentable or just content with your appearance, a sort of confidence will arise and translate into a better conversation or an outgoing extension.
Feel the textures, hear the sounds, and breathe the air! You are living and do not forget that. Stay out of your head every now and then and interact with the world around you without any thought into the past or future.
22. Here is an additional lesson or reminder:
Tell your loved ones that you love them, that you appreciate them, and that you will always be there -- tell them how you feel!
