#24.09.2023

[hosgeldinhuzun]

Faşak : Fındık toplandıktan sonra geride kalan, unutulan fındıklar.

[biragacgibitekvehur]

Gibi’nin 4. Sezonunda övgü diye bi bölüm var. Gerçekten çok gülerek izledim sonuna kadar ama sonunda bi müzik girdi, birkaç dakika, orda bir düşünce girdabına girdim kdjf Olay kısaca şöyle; İlkkan arabasını satmaya karar verir ve araba alıcısı olarak ilkkanın hayatına giren kişiler onunla arkadaş olurlar ve sürekli ilkkanı överler, bir yandan da söğüşlerler. İlkkan tabii övülmenin zevkinden bunun farkına bile varmaz. Yılmaz ve Ersoy bunu farkeder ve arkadaşlarını kurtarmak için türlü yollara başvururlar. Sonra anlarlar ki bu insanlar bi çetenin üyeleri. Çete birinin hayatına çaktırmadan girip onun çeşitli yanlarını överek yumuşak karnını buluyor ve onu kullanmaya başlıyor hem maddi hem manevi.. Sonda çalan birkaç dakikalık müzikte şunları düşündüm; sosyal medya da nefsimiz için bu çete gibi.. övüldüğümüz, beğeni aldığımız zamanlarda bazen buna kapılıyor ve ilkelerimizden taviz veriyoruz. Hatta sadece sosyal medya değil, sosyal hayatta da buna benzer şeyler yaşıyoruz. Oysa insanların bizim hakkımızdaki yorumları bizi böylesine etkileyememeli. Sürekli kalbimizi yoklamalıyız, halkın nazarında mı makbul olmaya çalışıyorum, Hakkın nazarında mı diye..

[bekindtoyou4007]

A challenging enough start to the day, my tummy problem had corrected itself but was in over correction mode so I had to have some fizzy painkillers and no caffeine and stay very near a toilet for a lot of today. Wasn't able to move much for the first few hours then had a warm bath. Had very plain food, protein pot, Scrambled eggs, butter tea cakes and later chips and rice with very little sauce. Tried to err on the side of caution but as always afraid to end up too bound up again... I haven't been in pain for a long time this afternoon so I'm hoping the worst is over and I can go back to normal routine maybe by Tuesday. I expect tomorrow will still be a bit tender in the AM. Got to enjoy nicely interior cleaned car today. Dog is also freshly groomed and smells delicious. Hoping to get to the gym tomorrow but won't push it if I'm still crampy. Tomorrow I should get back to research but it is so boring... I wish I could walk the dog to at least have that to occupy mile but we still need to await him getting scanned. I called my brother today and was impressed he asked me about myself without prompting and seems to have something he's working on that he cares about and that brings him joy. My first reaction was to panic it wouldn't work out and would be 'another dead end' or similar and then I'd feel responsible somehow for not predicting/fixing it for him. I even felt myself bubbling up with uninvited advice. But I kept my cool, focused on how the plan would work to understand it and how he's feeling. It's also not my problem if someone separate to me has something happen to them they aren't 100% happy about. I'm under no obligation to intervene and try to control things in that person's life or sphere of influence. I think acting on those feelings in the past and stepping in has caused harm in my relationships especially with my siblings, I need to accept I'm not always right about everything and don't anyway even if I was somehow always right have an obligation to go around trying to live other people's lives for them. I need to be able to butt out and work on my own stuff. I also think my relationships have been damaged before because I put myself in a position of always rescuing people who didn't ask and then get upset when they aren't grateful enough or happy enough with what I've done. It still upsets me a bit that my brother doesn't call me to check in and ask how I'm doing but I'm going to have to think about that for a bit. I'm not sure how to handle that yet.

[odamdayim]

ouyyy bugün aşkından öldüğüm adamla buluştum off bu mesafelerin canı çıksın iki haftada bir buluşuyoruz ve özlemden geberiyorum. O kadar güzel ki o kadar neşeli bir gülüşü var ki benden hiç gitmesin istiyorum. parıl parıl gülüşü ile aydınlatsın beni istiyorum. Pek fazla ortak noktamız yok bir araya gelince çok konuşmuyoruz ama birlikte susarak konuşuyoruz ve birbirimizi çok seviyoruz bugün bunu o kadar çok hissettim o kadar çok anladım ki sevgim katlanarak çoğaldı. Uyy nasıl gidip arkasından sarıldım üç dakika boyunca soluksuz sarıldık..ah be ankara tren garı dile gelde söyle nasıl heyecanla buluşup, üzülerek ayrıldığımızı.. ufufu birlikte piknik yaptık, elleri ile bana yemek yedirdi,bağacığım çözüldü bağladı.. ve hiç kimse beni bu kadar güzel öpmedi bana bu kadar güzel bakmadı.. Sevgilimmmm seni çok seviyorum.. ellerinin sıcaklığı her zaman sarsın beni. yüreğim kuşlar misali kanat çırpıyor sana. sen bana hediyesin. seninle özgürleşiyorum seninle sınır tanıyamıyorum. yüzünü avuçlarım içine alım milim milim öpmek istiyorum. C umarım birlikte daha fazla anı biriktiririz ve bıkmadan yormadan yorulmadan sıkılmadan hep bir oluruz

[hengheng7]

Bick auf Zuerich 24.09.2023

[lettersiwillneverwrite]

Fuck you. This is anger.

Fuck you for leaving in the way that you did. For confirming my fears that you deemed irrational. I wanted to build trust so I could you you wouldn't just leave me for meaningless sex. You said you wouldn't because of love and future and whatnot. Turns out love has nothing to do with it. Because that's exactly what you did, despite everything. I would have done everything for you. I DID do everything for you. But you didn't want to compromise. What compromises?? The ones I made??

Fuck you for calling me jealous and irrational when I was right all along. Fuck you for saying I could trust you and for making me believe I could. And fuck you for breaking me just when I did. Fuck you for leaving me for meaningless sex. I hope this is what you want. How can you love someone and still only think of yourself? Fuck you.

[bekindtoyou4007]

Today I cleaned the living room and interior of my car. I used that cleaning jelly to really get in there and shampooed the seats. I'm more looking forward now to my next long drive! It's the perfect time to do it as well with the dog being not at all muddy. He's going for a groom tomorrow which is nice. My slow bowels started to catch up this evening which was a relief. Unfortunately it will be a bit uncomfy the next day or so until I am all caught up. I must be more vigilant about fibre when I'm using painkillers. It's so strange to have had a headache that bad, I'm usually more or less fine. Tomorrow I think gym, then shower. I haven't really gone back to swimming as it is a bit more high maintenance, and I normally get decent cardio when the dog isn't on bed rest. I woke this morning and was really happy to be cuddled and then it felt like an avalanche of worries as my brain was waking up. I almost wish I could get in that sleepy, not fully able to think state on cue, I could be so much more chilled out if I spent longer like that