Day 0
So, I’m fat.
It’s been a struggle. Being comfortable in a relationship, getting out of a long term one and into a new one, stress of school, life, everything. The excuses go on and on. But when it comes down to it- it’s my fault. I’m not active, I don’t try to work out or fix my diet- and every time I do my will power is shoved out the window because T wants to eat pizza, or go out, or something. This is gonna be long to feel free to skim and skip around.
I’m 27 years old, I’m 5′8″ (technically 5′7 3/4″ but we will round up for the sake of it) and have an overall proportional womanly build. My waist is smaller than my hips, I have a full bust, a very round butt (they used to call me RB at a restaurant I worked at) and when I’m skinnier, I have a very nice body.
As some background, I’ve never really been use to being the fat kid. Ever. In elementary school I was tall and skinny. I remember I wore a size 14 slim in the Girls kids section from 3rd grade - 5th grade. In 6th grade I was a size 0/1, and then between 8th grade to junior year of high school I was right around 145-150. I did cheer-leading or some form of tumbling and stunting 6 days a week and ate whatever the fuck I wanted. I always could wear revealing clothes and feel good. I had big boobs so wearing a Medium shirt was always fine and was wearing a size 7-9 in jeans. Once college hit I gained a bit of weight (everyone does, let’s be real). But I still didn’t feel bad about my body. I was always ‘trying’ (no i wasn’t) to lose weight but I never really needed to. I went through a coke phase for about 6-7 months and got down to 135. I was so happy. But, I just quit one day cold turkey (and have only done it twice in the past 8 years thank you very much). I stopped in December of 2008. 2009 was single handedly the worst year of my life. The person I thought I loved more than anything moved away. The boy I had spent 3 years pining after stopped talking to me. I dropped out of college. Moved back into my home city. My parents got divorced. I met a new boy and new friends that all ended up using me. I had a semi-suicide attempt (which really wasn’t, but that’s another story). At the end of the year I started seeing a guy friend who had always had a crush on me. I didn’t feel the same way, but he was nice and always took care of my hot mess-ness. He got me pregnant, and we decided to have an abortion because it was the best choice for us at the time. It was horrible. That pregnancy, along with the depression I felt over the year, has been the number one thing that has made me gain weight in the past 6 years. I’ve been unhappy with my body for 6 years and that is crazy.
So I slowly started gaining weight. I met Z, my longest boyfriend I had, and I was in the middle of dieting and taking what I called “CDP (crazy diet pills)” because I bought them online and they shipped from like Taiwan. I was actually hovering around 158-ish. We started dating and I got up to 180, then down to 160 then back up to 175 then down to 168. I was always going up and down those 20 pounds. We broke up several times and every time we broke up, I would lose weight, get my shit together, work out and eat better. Get back down to 165 and then I would balloon back up when we got back together. We got into eating out and not working out and I got up to 190. I always told myself, I’ll never get to 200. No way. After 4 years with Z, we parted ways (kind of- again, that’s another story). I have been with my current boyfriend, T, for almost 2 years. I was about 180-190 when we started dating from the restaurant we worked in. And I have gained 50 more pounds since we have been together. I am currently at 240 pounds and while I have a slight reason (I’ve had two miscarriages), it’s still disgusting to me. None of my clothes fit, my stomach literally hangs over me. I hate being naked, I hate having sex because I feel ugly, and I get sad so I eat even more and the cycle continues.
Its hard, because in pictures (that I’ve angled and styled appropriately) I don’t look that bad. Most people when I tell them what I way they’re like “what? no way!” But when I see a picture of me I didn’t take I always go holy shit. Is that what I look like? When did I get SO god damn fucking fat?
So I’m making a change. And I’m making it today. On this random Tuesday the 17th. Because honestly I can’t deal with it anymore. It frustrates me because people say “you didn’t gain it in a day, you won’t lose it in a day”. No fuck you. Yes I know that TECHNICALLY it’s not going to just fall off of me- but if I stop being a lazy piece of shit and fucking finish something for once in my life I can do this. Like I said, I’m currently 240 and my ultimate goal is to get to 140. So that’s 100 pounds. I want to lose 100 pounds in 5 months. That’s 20 pounds a month. That’s 5 pounds a week. 5 pounds a week sounds “intense”, and yeah I’m sure it’ll slow down- losing more at the beginning and less at the end. But I’m going to do this. I want to look good for my birthday this year. I want to be able to enjoy summer while losing some weight- so I’ll just look chubby and not fat. And I’m keeping a log of it to keep myself accountable. I will post progress photo’s and what I’m eating and working out and would love encouragement. I’m not really into the whole tumblr thing but would love to follow people’s weight loss chronicles and give you encouragement and just chat.
So, I guess here is the “stat” thing people usually put:
CW: 240//HW: 240//LW: 130// UGW: 123 GW1: 215//GW2: 199//GW3: 175//GW4: 150
So here’s the plan. The ‘tentative’ plan.
As a note - I fucking hate exercising.
It’s horrible. I don’t know if it’s because I worked out 5-6 days a week for several years or if I’m just so out of shape that I just literally can’t- I feel like working out is the bane of my existence.
Now most people I feel like would say “ease in to exercise, twice to three times a week for 20-30 minutes”. NOPE. I can’t do that shit. I can’t be half trying to not be fat and half trying to just not overwork myself. It’s 5 months of bullshit I have to push myself through. Big fucking deal. I have a system set up for the first 12 weeks (3 months) that should jump start everything. Do I “need” to buy the following things? No. But if I spend my $$ on things that are expensive does that mean I’ll use them? You fucking bet. If I can be a beast and
I am doing a BluePrint cleanse to start.Yes, cleanses are somewhat gimmicky and also totally suck because you’re mostly losing water weight but I’m dealing with it. It’s 3 days. My body is absolutely disgusting and filled with pizza, grease, toxic shit, and god knows what else. The juice itself is made from whole organic food and I can have water and tea I believe as well so sign me the fuck up. <– This is expensive as shit and I will do a thorough review of it. The cost of 3 days, 6 juices a day, plus shipping is going to cost $235. The nice thing is I am only getting one green juice I have to suffer through so YAAAS.
I am getting a DeskCycle for under my desk. I have a typical 8-5 job and I need something to do while I am just sitting here for hours on end not doing shit. I bought a cheaper version but it ended up being a stepper and a piece of shit. Literally, I sit here. for. 8. hours. a. day. So if I’m sitting here I could probably be active in one way or another. This runs about $160 so again, it’s expensive as shit but it has the best reviews, is basically silent, and will help me lose an additional 1-1.5 pound a week depending on how much I do it and at what resistance and such. But- that’s literally just for sitting here doing what I would normally do anyway.
I am getting a FitBit. I need a way to track the fitness programs I’m doing and am going to carefully calculate what I’m doing into it. I think I’m going to go with the Alta- since it’s newer, sleeker, and not so bulky. That costs $130. My phone “tracks” stuff too but it’s not accurate and I would like something that can put everything together for me.
Okay, now on to what I plan to do as my exercise plan.
Fall asleep in the clothes I plan to work out in. That way I can roll out of bed and get started. Also, when I first wake up, I’m going to drink a big glass of ice water. This jumps starts your body into rising and get your digestive system moving.
After that, I’m going to do a short 15 min workout when I wake up. I am going to follow the Kayla Itsines Bikini Beauty Guide (or it’s called some version of that). It’s an HIIT workout that’s meant to by 30 minutes but I’m going to break it up into 2 sets. So when I wake up at 6, I will do the 15 minutes (Circuit A, then Circuit B).
I am going to do 1 cardio workout on youtube to a song that takes about 3 minutes. (there are plenty- I’ll make sure I leave links to it). Then hop in the shower.
Go to work from 8am - 5pm - and use my Desk Cycle. Aiming to burn about 500-800 calories a day from this.
Come home, eat dinner, and do the Jamie Easton 12 Week Shred program. It’s from bodybuilding.com and very focused on weight lifting which is the number one thing to do to burn fat! It takes about 30-40 minutes which should be easy.
Do one more song cardio youtube workout. (About 3 minutes).
That gives me a total of an two hour workout a day just split up throughout the whole day so it’s not so daunting. If I can get a bit accomplished each time, burning calories, getting my heart rate up, and just being active that should be easy. This will help me get my main goal of losing 5 pounds a week.
Pictures\Measurements
As far as that is concerned, I am going to post my scale picture every day. I am going to post a OOTD every day. I will update measurements every Sunday. I may include my boyfriend’s info as well. He doesn’t have “as much” weight to lose as me but it would be nice to see his transformation as well as mine.
In summation.
I’ve bought the cleanse, should be here Thursday. I will order the DeskCycle after my lunch break and it should get here Thursday as well. I’ll probably stop by Target with the children I nanny after work (might have to wait until Wednesday because they are a handful). Then just need 4-5 workout tank tops and 2 kimono cardigans to wear over them at work (Ironically- walmart had some cute ones) and I am fucking PUMPED and ready to get this shit done.