#24dec17

[dailyniall]

niallhoran: Happy birthday Tommo! Have a great birthday and Christmas . @louist91

[teddytarnieandme]

Warning Long Post Ahead

Ah yes, the holiday tears have already begun.

So my mum has started seeing someone. I'm really happy for her. All my brother and I have ever wanted is for her to be happy. I know her marriage with my dad was shit, I know that she wanted to leave him and I also know she stayed for my brother and I. The last three years of their marriage she was his carer and emotional punching bag. I want her to move on and be happy. Her timing sucks ass.

It is the first Christmas without Dad. I have been repressing the shit put of everything since February because I just don't want to deal with it. I don't want to think about the fact he'll never meet my son. I don't want to think about never being able to fix my relationship with him. I just don't want to think about any of it. Especially not at Christmas which was the last time I saw him which wasn't in a hospital bed.

Mum only started talking to this guy on Friday evening. He stayed last night. T wasn't here and is understandably pissed because some random dude he hadn't met was staying in the same house as Teddy and I. Heck, my brother and I only met him last night. I didn't sleep well because I was trying to process my emotions. I thought I was fine, but everything has been piling up on me lately and this has become my breaking point.

T is still pissed this morning. I had to calm him down via messenger last night so he wouldn't drive back here. He has already told me he's not coming back here until the new guy (Imma call him X) has left.

I do not need this shit at Christmas. I'm sick to death of being stuck in the middle of everyone else's battles. I think she's moving too fast, but she feels like she's known him forever. T wants to get our own place and rent and he hasn't even met him.

So today, if anyone needs me, I'll be in the kitchen crying while I make gingerbread and pavlova.

[ashadopu]

#fanush #barbecue #24dec17 (at বগালেক, বান্দরবান - Bogalake, Bandarban)