My ex and I parted amicably several years ago. We said weād stay friends, but that hasnāt really materialised, just due to shifting interests. The most we do now is a phone call around the holidays - which Iāve started to dread because our conversations are so awkward with nothing in common. Now, sheās getting married and wants me to be her maid of honour.
All I would have to do would be give a speech, but as the RSVP deadline approaches, Iām nervous. Thereās an age difference in the relationship that makes me uncomfortable, particularly because our relationship had the same age gap, and so did the two before me. I was too young at the time to think of it as a problem, but I do now.
I donāt want to break up the wedding or anything, but I do want to privately talk to our mutual friends about my concerns, so theyāll be able to give me support or advice as I deal with my extreme discomfort now and on the date. Iām extremely conflict avoidant and hate speaking ill of anyone. Saying pleasantries at the ceremony is something I can manage, but how can I face my friends now and not feel like a terrible person for voicing my concerns? I plan to quietly phase out of the friendship with my ex after the wedding, but I donāt want to spoil the big day, especially when she wants me there so badly. Any advice on how to bring up an awkward subject?
(I just noticed your age request - Iām wedding question asker, 26/F)
hey there, apologies for the delay in reply ): I hope this is still being answered in time for you <3
I have to ask though, why on earth does she want you to be her maid of honour? being an ex partner of herās is fine, lots of people end a relationship and still remain friends. what I find odd though, is that youāre not actually friends anymore! ): like youāre not involved in each others lives now, you barely talk, things feel awkward, you donāt have anything in common, I really canāt fathom why sheās asked you to do this for her.Ā
I would definitely talk to mutual friends about this, all of your concerns and hesitance about this are completely valid. just send some of your friends a message, ask if you can talk about something worrying you and go from there, just be as honest as you can and say to them what you said here in this message. donāt think of all of this as being mean or speaking ill of someone? because youāre not doing any of this out of spite! but you have genuine concerns and discomfort over this, and youāre speaking up because of a desire to look after your own well-being.
I donāt think youād be spoiling the big day if you say thanks but no thanks to the offer of being maid of honour? if youāre determined to do this for her though, then I think phasing out the friendship after the wedding is for the best too. take care, I hope it all works out alright for you lovely xxx