#27.02.2023

[liam-93-productions]

Liam last summer at Soccer Aid (x) - 27.02

[biragacgibitekvehur]

“Medenî insan hatıraları olan insandır; uğruna dövüşebileceği, kendini tehlikeye atabileceği hatıraları… Tersi durumda gününü yaşayan bir organizmadan farkı kalmaz insanın.”

İhsan Fazlıoğlu

[lahdidahh]

Sizler pek göremeseniz de sunay akın ile ayni karede olmak benim için cok ama cok keyifli

[diaryofanaverageunicorn]

*sigh*

Day 20?

Uhm 😐

I’m alive. Struggling, for sure. But alive. I passed the video workshop successfully and I’m sad I won’t have the BirdMan as my teacher anymore. Met the new teacher today for the print workshop. I dislike her. She gives off strong “I’m better than you” snob vibes. I can’t believe we had to decide what to do for the next three months in thirty minutes WITH NO PREP.

Ugh. 😑

Both mon amour and I have been on the edge for far too long, so we’re not putting in time into our relationship. It’s not anybody’s fault it’s just a really garbage period for both of us and all we can do for each other is take chores from the other to make it a lil easier for the day to day. I appreciate 🍯 so much.

Sad. 😞

I’ve been having self-image issues. Unreasonable ones, sure, but it’s because I’ve been struggling mentally with everything else. It’s coming out in hating my face, weight, hair, skin, ankles, arms, tummy… you get it. Just everything is wrong with me atm, or at least that’s what my stupid brain is telling me. I haven’t had body-issues this bad in a long ass while.

Mad. 😠

I am feeling absolutely crushed atm. Crushed by the capitalistic nightmare that is existing these days. I have a diagnosis that puts me in the “disabled” category, however, to literally have a roof over my head and eat I have to do 60+ hours of work/uni sh*t. Along with all the stuff that it takes to keep the house from becoming a goblin cave and feed myself at least once a day. This is absolutely inhumane. I’m not even doing meaningful work. It’s just going through the motions in survival mode at this point. I don’t know how to make it better, it feels hopeless.

Light? 🌸

I keep having flashes of my dream life throughout the day. They feel like memories, that’s how crisp and real the images and feelings are in my head. Making coffee in a sunlit kitchen, sweeping the doorstep and spreading feed for the chickens. Hanging flowers to dry over the fireplace. Tending the small herb garden and making fresh tea. Smiling at the cat sprawled across the couch, napping in the sun. Dusting the huge bookshelf and picking up a book to read in the huge, slightly distressed chair. Cooking dinner and having wine I produced from the patch of grapes I have out front. Someday, I promise.

Goodnight,

M.

[montagsgedicht]

Einladung zum Montagsgedicht

Das Stichwort für Montag, den 27. Februar ‘23 ist:

1000 gute Gründe

Jeden Montag um 16 Uhr gibt es hier Texte zu einem gegebenen Stichwort. Wer will, kann mitmachen: Am Montag den selbst verfassten Text zum Thema in den eigenen Blog einstellen und ihn mit ‘montagsgedicht’ und ‘1000 gute gründe’ taggen.