Since I usually write posts for this blog right before bed, to recap my day, I now have trouble updating here, because I'm on a low antidepressant dosis to help me sleep. It works, my sleep quality improved. I am still tired easily because anxiety is acting up too often but I fall asleep easier and sleep deeper. On that note. Hello anxiety, my old friend. I am in a state of perpetual anxiety, basically. I do get things done, I am starting to *plan* for downtime, instead of working task after task until I have to sleep with anxiety ridden paralysis in form of endless scrolling or binge-watching. I am delegating stuff! And pointing out to signif that making me clean when I'm anxious af and busy with work is not a good idea. He's not very keen on cleaning by himself and when he does, we can't find stuff because he doesn't remember when it's supposed to go out where he put it... XD But he thanked me for lobbying that he puts all his physical documents into one single folder. He didn't understand the system until he had to find papers from a month ago to pick up his new insurance card. Thanks when he thanked me. Another point to address - I think I am dissociating while scrolling etc... I remember the thank you as if it was a dream. (I asked him - this scene did happen.) I think I am fighting the dissociation though. Because when I let myself curl up, close my eyes and lose myself, my anxiety often gets less bad. Food for thought and definitely a thing to discuss with L. I'm also changing psychiatrists. I like the new dude more. He understood that I might be functioning but I do suffer. Whereas, my old psych pegged me wrongly multiple times even though I pointed out why her assumptions were wrong and she was trying to get some extra cash by ridiculous fees like for having her phone number it's 3€ per month, paid upfront for the whole year. Not 24h calling privilege, n just for having her phone number to reschedule appointments. She seemed more interested in the wedding stuff than me. Sure it was stress, but i was coping pretty good for my standards. I like the new dude a lot more. He understood that I know a lot about psychology. His conclusion was that me being in therapy shows but when I told him, I do read on this as a hobby, he rolled with it. I also paid for a private health clinic of sorts. I pay an administrative fee but everything else goes via state healthcare. I get appts for a specific time, docs work also in the afternoon, everyone is nice. I've eliminated the reasons why I don't go to doctors as soon as I should and it's stress free for me so I can go as enough as I should, where before I went as much as I could stomach... Lots of development. Some of it positive.
