are you fucking with me? (tarquin to orla)
thrust // accepting // @2vinters
"Wha—" Orla blinks at him, her mind being pulled to the forefront of her mind and with the burning cheeks, a flare of anger. Why would she fuck with him about this? "I don't have the sort of imagination to come up with something this fucked, Tarquin."
This hadn't been the way that she had expected to come back to the Shadow Dragons. Truthfully, she had fully expected to never return. The last thing she wished was to bring more shit to their doorstep and in that attempt she managed to just make it worse. There should be a lesson there to be learnt, she was sure, and yet she seemed to completely miss it at every turn despite trying her hardest. And now it was late in the Shadow Dragon's hideout, Neve and Bellara had returned to the Lighthouse and she had fallen into the long shadows of the hideout that she had so temporarily called home.
And that was why after speaking her brother's name her eyes fall to her calloused hands.
"I haven't told anyone else yet except you, just—" that she had this connection with Fen'harel, that he was stuck in the prison he created (it sounded liked some ironic justice). That they had spoken and that he had blamed her for everything. But he had been the one that had threatened her city. How was it her fault that he was a massive fuck up? And, worse of all, that somehow in their attempt to prevent the massive wave of magic to enclose on the city, that two elvhen gods were not only real but they were now roaming free. Holding her pipe with her left hand she taps it against the palm of her right "Fen'harel really is such a massive fucking cunt."
The same as some of the magisters that they had taken out.
She didn't know what she expected. From the stories of the elven servants that she heart whispered, to the briefest mentions of memories that her mother didn't even know were true (it hardly mattered if they were). The one thing that lingered was that they were meant to bring comfort. Comfort in knowing that the suffering was towards fighting with defiance. And hearing Varric speak about him? She had expected something different.
"You know what's worse?" and she can almost hear him ask what else could be worse than what she had done already but they both knew the answer to that. When they thought the bottom of the barrel had been reached, there was always a way down "Varric had the shot." her lips thin into a line and she nods, her eyes on her own hands, to the floor "But he wanted to try and talk him off the ledge first. He asked my opinion and I told him..."
She bites her lower lip, cutting the bitter smile that forms on her lips. Her brown eyes look up to Tarquin. She can't stop herself from keeping nodding, a nodding that turned into a soft rocking of her body against the wall behind her back "I told him not to take it."
All she can do is smile, smile and bite into her cheek with her head lowered. She had set out to make up for the shit she had done. She didn't regret the lives she had taken, nor the money she had been able to send to her mother knowing she would never need to consider throwing herself into the meat grinder. She didn't regret the path that she had taken there but it was hard not to feel bitter, not to feel that she had failed Tarquin and Ashur after they had given her a chance. The first time that had driven her from Minrathous and now this too.
Trying to do some good, but her hands were only good for one thing and it seemed that each time she tried to swim against the stream she only ended up drowning those closer to her.
"No good deed..." she sits on the floor, but looks up to Tarquin. She wants to apologise but the words are dead before they reach her throat. And so her brown eyes lower once more. Pulling a small box of matches and lighting the pipe "Maybe I should learn my fucking lesson."