Imagine teaching Fili and Kili the smooth way to get some one to hold your hand
*after sparring*
Kili: *moaning* how will I get Tauriel to notice me! She's so beautiful and I am this short fat dwarf
Fili: yeah you are short, I mean you barely come up to her nipples
Kili: jee thank you for the encouragement brother, I just want her to notice me
You: *pats Kili's sweaty back* you can do it, you just need to believe in yourself.
Kili: oh really if it's so easy you go talk to your crush.
You: alright *goes up to Thorin across the room who is taking a break from sparring with Dwalin* hey Thorin will you hold this for a minute? *holds out your closes hand*
Thorin: *not really paying attention and is trying to relax and wipe his sweat off* yeah sure *holds out his open hand to take it*
You: *holds his hand*
Thorin: *stops and looks at you* your hand is sweaty
You: *snickers* I just had my hand on your nephew's back.
Thorin: *nose wrinkles in disgust but doesn't let go of your hand* it's not like I have had enough of their body fluids on my person, considering I helped raise them
You: sharing is caring *looks over at his nephews to see their horrified expressions* their expressions are delicious.
Thorin: just imagine their expressions when I put a courting braid in your hair *pulls you into his lap*
You: a titillating idea in and of itself
