One of the parts that makes letting someone go so difficult is the traces they leave, the invisible footprints pressed into dirt, mud, and sand that leave trails across your bedroom floor all the way to the bathroom.
I sat here with her smoking. I could tell she was nervous, wondering what we were thinking of her.
I was wondering if she was cold, if I could touch her cheek so she’d look at me like that again. And I wouldn’t make the same mistake; I wouldn’t drop my hand, scared, and change the subject. I was wondering why she didn’t look happier now that her friend was in town. I was wondering if she thought I looked cool, if my mouth looked enticing enough as I exhaled smoke.
I was wondering how she came to move like that. The way she moved her hands, the way she moved her feet, was filled with the same smirking coyness as trailing fingernails and the brush of silky hair on skin.
It was in everything she did.