blake and sierra and alex and brian and i all went to fran’s tonight.
we finished up the first part of the album, so it made sense that we go out and celebrate. drinks were in order. i went a little overboard and i stayed behind when everyone else left. blake wanted to wait with me, but i told him hayley was coming. i told him i texted hayley and asked her to come get me. he was reluctant and only left when her stupid little fiat pulled up in front of us.
i hate that car, but i don’t think i’ve ever been so excited to see it.
we sat curled up in the passengers seat for a little while. i cried. i’m not proud of it, but i cried. we caught up. she’s doing good. i’m...doing the best that i can. we kissed, too. i kissed her. i don’t know why i kissed her. i guess i’ve just never had the best self control when it comes to her. i guess i felt lonely. i think, maybe, i’m just starved for human interaction.
i don’t want it from anyone other than her, though. isn’t that a little bit pathetic? she told me to get out. i did. she threw all of my shit on the front lawn. i don’t think she’s been the most fair. but i still don’t want anyone other than her. she’s my girl. she was supposed to be my girl.
i’ll never tell her, but i haven’t felt this lost in a year. i don’t know where to go from here. i hate that i’m holding onto this thread of hope that’s still woven from me to her because it’s frayed and there’s not much that’s keeping it from snapping anymore. i hate that i feel this low.
i just want her. i don’t know how to get her to understand that.
i just want to be home.
