Alright, so I know my last (and first) post was kind of a lot. Know that I've had about a decade of counseling since then, and that I'm in a better place now. I think why I reacted that way was because of a domino effect. Going into an event with no real goal, and then after everything starts failing one problem after another, by the end of the process I think I realized, hey man, I didn't really accomplish anything.. So when I said that I was reckless in this faze of my life, I mean it. I was vapping the most expensive e juice, and at a heavy count (17n). Ntm I got totally trashed the night before on yagar bombs after enjoying a couple cocktails in the lobby. Like literally blackout drunk bro. I missed the Monstercat show because I didn't even realize it was going on, that's how wrekless 21 year old me was. Like if we are going to meet puss to be friends with we cant get so fucked up that we don't even know dance is going on. I really think tho that missing darude, and getting detained for no reason is the final 2 dominos, and at some point you have to realize the tears will fall aswell. I think the worst part was not really meeting anyone that I measure up to. Wether it be to just be friends, or to actually try to create a real relationship with.. also you have to acknowledge that my home state is really unfair to males. All my growing up I'm literally stuck having to do all my sister's chores while she studies to get into an ivy league school. How is that fair? What about know 12 years later? How when really what I need is a neighboring eSports lounge, and pickleball court, but instead I get a horse riding school. I'm going to tell you right now that horse riding is something little girls fantasize about. My family owns a horse ranch, and I will tell you, the only ones that go out on the horses are the chikas. Bro do you understand that I have a cock and balls?.. I've never one time ridden a horse, and I don't plan on ever doing so. They are terrible for the land, and worse for the health of the family. Bro lit needed an eSports lounge adjacent to a pickleball court, but these mother fuckers are a bunch of self righteous feminists. Don't hold into account that I know all real women want is equality, so I ma be honest, I can do just about any type of woodsman work. From clearing brush and pick axing thistle, to filling logs, and chopping the wood. I can start and maintain a furnace at the ripe age of 15. I think the only thing I didn't do was operate a jack hammer. I remember I used to have to catch giant white rock and move railroad ties. Digging fense holes is a one man job, holding a picket isnt. Going into the basement sometimes requires a screwdriver idkw. The worst are the thistles, they really hurt, but in reality it seems like mother nature is never on your side out there. Every now and then, I used to have to pick up garbage all over the street because a bear got into the receptical (sometimes dipers). Mowing lawns and weed whacking is really easy, compared to power washing the decks. And then putting fresh stain on. I really did hate cleaning the bathroom tho, since my sister did not have good ediquite.(Tampon galore) I think the worst part is that, that house burned down a few years ago, and the entire lot was destroyed. Or that I did most the work while my dad was getting drunk off his ass, and my sister stold meals while studying for the ivys. It didn't even matter, she never thanked me, he never thanked me. Maybe that's why in my reckless mid 20s I attempted to take my own life. If your just going to act like I'm a dumb ass, and not give me the proper outlet, how can you not at least give me the gratitude of satisfaction. 2 run aways later, I finally realize what it was pissing me off this whole time. Bunch of ungrateful horseshit. Feminist props will only get you so far, but in reality you have to understand that ain't no one wanna be bossed around by a sister... Clearly.