#3364874

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Out of all the people to I trusted

you were the most important.

Remember, it is you who decided this. Not me.

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You know, In between the shifts and the essays, Between the late night drives and quiet walks, There was never 'us.' No matter how much everyone grouped us together, No matter how much we were together, We were still water an oil.

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I'm sorry, my darling, that things aren't better, that my heart isnt in the same place as my head, that I cannot offer you anything more than the tears you already cry, Cannot offer you comfort in your times of jealousy and need Cannot keep you and treat you in all the ways you deserve and want to be. And when it all comes down to it, This all is for the best

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I just want to cuddle you and fall asleep because honestly I'm so exhausted and tired of pretending about everything~

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I was trying to avoid the reaction I got, but that's okay. I'm so sorry. I feel so bad that I want to throw up. I never wanted you to be upset or anything. I just don't want you hurt, so it's better that things stay the way they are. I can't explain why, but they are.

[spectral-perfection]

Envisage

You're going to want to talk, and I know that.

You'll tell me all the things I blatantly can see (things you don't know I see) and all the expectations. And that cold rush will go through me because you see what you want to see about me. Nothing more, nothing less.

You'll tell me what you want from this. I'll tell you that what you want from this is not what I intend to take from this.

You'll ask why and I'll get quiet because I never knew why the best decision was to just stay the way we are instead of putting all of us in a position that we really wouldn't worm our way out of without ruining something (or someone.) Because I've just learned how to breathe and what my freedoms and limitations are and I feel that I just cant (and maybe I never will because you are the one I don't want to hurt)

I can't guarantee that when the time comes, things will change.

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I feel it's unfair

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Jumbled thoughts

I feel like you’re so infatuated with someone who so insecure and unsure and you’re wasting your time waiting for someone who could literally never be ready. You scare me. You scare me because you’re positive and so sure of everything. You jump without looking and you never hesitate to compliment and protect me. You’re stubborn. You’re open. You’re everything I’ve ever ran away from because I never has a grip on myself the way you seem to. You’re cheesy and sweet.

Depression runs constantly through my mind and quiet poems rush through my veins. If you could listen to my soul, it would sound like a far off piano on a rainy day. I’m independent. I’m quiet and I worry I’ll be stuck in this city forever. I’m stubborn and I think too much and I look before I leap. I cry all the time and I eat my feelings. I get angry easily and I’m content with being alone most of the time. I hate explaining myself and I watch too many Korean dramas in a night.

You’re content with having me but I’m content with a life that doesn’t deal with change… And I feel like you deserve more than a person like that.