#34ketsu

[kingseph]

Can't buy alcohol, my boy is out of the country.

Buys clothes and food and cries instead.

Could really use some yakiniku, city lights, some mizuwari shochu and a boy to kiss.

[kingseph]

So I was sitting on a chair after my shower in a towel, and I was kinda slumped over, kinda man spreading, brushing my teeth and it made me think of Ketsu. Because he used to do that, and I guess that's like a thing most people do but , I can just see him with his perfect physique, the freckles on his shoulders, the uneven skin tone on his back. The vehement way he would scrub his teeth. The little drops of water left in his hair. How he'd grin and inspect himself in the mirror afterwards. Always collected, always quiet, full of warm deep rich laughter. A good man. I miss him.

[kingseph]

About/goodbyes

Ketsu- The last time I saw him was, well, the last time I saw him. I really hate goodbyes, they're awkward and I always cry a bit. So I'm glad I didn't have to say it to his face. Let me tell you, this man, was perfection. I wondered each day why it wasn't thoughts of him that kept me up at night. He was everything I wanted in a man really. It started when I first came to Japan. I had liked him in like, October. He looked pretty okay in his pics but then there was this one picture and I was SOLD. His age was at 37. He had those eyes where one is slightly lazy and looks slightly inward. (I think that is super super cute) Anyways, for months he tried to meet up with me. But I was so nervous about it and then I got really really sick. And because I kept turning him down I finally just deleted him, bc I felt bad for him. He was trying and though I was interested, I just couldn't manage to meet up. Flash foreword to 5 months later to late march. He came up again and I liked him. He was super happy, and we planned to meet some time soon. The first day I was out, and lonely bc my friend was leaving me and I was feeling pretty edgy. So I called up this boy. And he agreed to meet after I took my friend to the station. He was waiting for me at a coffee shop. I had seen his pictures and he'd sent me a less flattering picture of him a little before that so my hopes weren't dreadfully high but I figured he'd be cute. Like a 7 or so. I come up and I message him in there and I see a man stand up through the window. And I'm like, No. No way. And the man turns around, and I see his face. And I'm like OH MY GOD. This man. I'm telling you, left me speechless. Humbly beautiful he stood only 5'4" or so. His hair was short but kinda spiked a bit. His face had the deep smile lines around his mouth and eyes. His lips were thick and wide, and his dark eyes shined with soft curiosity. He wore a perfect ensemble of a black blazer, form fitting dress pants, soft white dress shirt, a lavender tie, and those really nice dress shoes with the pattern around the laces. He stood with a bit of a slump and he held a breifcase. I'm telling you right now. I was speechless. Floored. Dropped. Dead. Died and gone to heaven. I cursed myself for not meeting him sooner. Any moment spent looking at him was branded into my mind for eternity. All in full colour HD Dolby surround sound. I could go on forever. But that wasn't it. No. No. This man opened his mouth. And what came out was angels. A soft, warm, quiet and humble voice. A warmth of which you could feel at the very base of your soul, reverberating deep within your memory. Again, I could go on forever. He was a Virgo. Sheepish and soft and humble despite the fact that they are an actual God walking the earth. He was a perfectionist in himself but didn't mind that I wasn't perfect at all. He rarely complemented me, but he never ever talked down to me. Which is something that I loved about him. Sure he would say I'm cute, or that he wanted me, but he rarely complemented me. Which made it so when he said anything, I really believed him. Despite the fact that I literally lost my will to speak when I first saw him, We hit it off like we'd known eachother for eternity. (As I generally do with Virgo men) After that first dinner and into the bar we went to afterwards, it's like we were a single unit. Destined to be friends. He did like everything I find sexy. He smoked, he slumped, he talked with his hands, he was an excellent conversationalist but spoke with a soft voice. He knew various like magic trick kinda stuff and would show me sometimes. He would take his jacket off and roll up his sleeves and man that killed me. He was always sleepy and you could tell. He humoured me in everything I did. He let me just touch his face, take pictures of him, would send me pictures, would let me just watch him get dressed/smoke/walk back to the table etc. His body was literally in perfect shape. Muscular and thin, and like I said he was a small man standing like 5'4". We liked similar music, similar movies, similar foods and drinks. He would remember my likes and dislikes easily. He was merciful with his Japanese (as he refused to speak English even though he could very well), and kind with mine. He was literally perfect. (He had no shame though which sometimes was embarrassing. But I got over it) He didn't need constant attention but would give it when asked. Even when we started going to hotels together, we just worked together so well and had such lovely naps an conversations afterwards. He knew how to talk and how much to talk. He just... he just knew. His English was incredibly sexy when he'd use it. His pronunciation was like perfect and when you speak English you naturally speak louder which changed his voice a bit too and gosh it was dreamy. He was dreamy. He would get drunk and you wouldn't know until he started walking. I mean he'd get kinda slurry and stuff and he'd be a little less sharp with his movements but then he'd walk. And that boy had the worst time. He was so cute. A perfect 10. I adored him. And though everything was perfect to do so, I never fell in love with him. Perhaps because I knew our time was fleeting or because we both knew that we were just friends+. But everything was always okay, and it always will be. I think of him and I smile and squish into a little ball. Such a beautiful man, inside and out. He was everything I wanted in an overworked salaryman. I don't know what brought him to me, but we were kindred from the beginning. I wish I could have known him all those months ago, but I think this amount of time was for the best. I hope he enjoys his life. He's got a lot left. I hope he can learn to rest, and take time for himself. I hope he can reflect positively on himself and know he's lovely how he is. In overwork there is loneliness. We should all take time for ourselves to let off steam. And not take ourselves and our lives too seriously. Enjoy the time you are given.

[kingseph]

It’s a time of goodbyes. My harem decreases one by one. Until I am gone. My beautiful mostly problematic boys. Oh I’ll miss them.

[kingseph]

I get to see two of my fav bois today! Ketsu and Co. I'm going to dinner with Ketsu which means I'll be stopping by the shop and I can see Co. :D I adore Ketsu so much. It's really nice bc we really do have like a friendship with benefits. We hit it off really really well. And I'm not like obsessed/ totally in love with him. When we talk it's wonderful and when we don't it's fine. He fulfills my needs like, perfectly. Like he just intuitively knows. When we are together we are like a set. We'll just talk and laugh, make cute flirty passes at eachother, also attempt to seduce the other, teach eachother things, do magic tricks, gossip about the English speakers in the room, eat off of eachother's plates, drink eachother's drinks. Even in the bedroom, we laugh and smile and snuggle. Afterwards we enjoy the quiet and softness and haze of exhaustion. We enjoy a cigarette and kiss eachother's cheeks and knees and shoulders. He lets me put on and take off his belt and button and unbutton his shirt. He's patient in everything I do, with my Japanese, with my walking speed, with my eating, everything. He's just calm and quiet and collected. Just so lovely. Sometimes I wish I could be wildly in love with him instead, but noooOoOooOoo. It's got to go to the Gemini boy with his bright eyes and ornery grin. With his bow legs and little sticky-outie-tummy. And his slurred voice. He's so DUMB but I LOVE HIM. Ahhhh. Anywho. I just wanted to express my adoration for me bois. I love them all.

[kingseph]

Think I could make money by falling in love with various salarymen? Bc that's all I seem to be able to do? 🙃

[kingseph]

I was going to go see my boyfriend tomorrow but we have a meeting for my dorm AND NOW I CAN'T SEE HIM AND IM REALLY SAD. I wanna see my warm voiced, soft shirted, gentle laughing man. 😥 I miss him.

[kingseph]

Ketsu: The moon is really low tonight. It's pretty. Me: Ah yeah... it's nice. Ketsu: *tells me the famous story about how Natsume Soseki translated "I love you" as the "moon is beautiful tonight." Me: *pretends the possible hint flew over my head* Idk if it was anything. But he does stuff like that suspiciously a lot?