I have a lot of Feelings about that post you reblogged about men wearing feminine coded clothes because like. As an AFAB trans person I spent YEARS of my life hating feminine things because they were pushed on me, because I felt inherently unhappy with liking them, but not the way people saw me in them. And now I find myself in this place of "Well this is a thing because I've had gender weirds?" and jeeze I just felt the need to say something to someone about that because holy heck.
Man I dont even know, there is so much introspection that happens when gender stuff becomes a thing?? Like, man, ok. Im AFAB non binary yeah? When I was around 10 I became a ‘tom boy’ and chopped off my hair and refused to wear dresses (even tho I still enjoyed traditional femmey things) and when I moved to my abusive side of the family I was constantly degraded and looked down on by my step mother because I wasnt feminime enough for her. I ended up becoming more femmey for her approval and honestly I have so many screwed up feelings regarding the entire thing I always wonder “would I have come to terms with my gender faster if I never went through that shit”
Cause like, NOW, I am firmly gender neutral but I always want a ‘balance’. I want to go on T so that I can ‘safely’ explore more femme presentation again without being coded as a woman.
But I dont think its JUST a trans thing, I think everyone benefits from getting rid of strict society codes about gender and presentation. I think a lot of ‘fetish’ stuff regarding gender (like cross dressing, sissification, and even some verisons of femdom) manifests out of people being force fed gender lies for their entire life. Like, if you are AMAB, even if ur cis as fuck, and you kinda like the idea of wearing a dress cause its pretty you are going to be heavily affected by the constant “DRESSES ARE ONLY FOR GIRLS boys wearing dresses is disgusting and wrong and stupid” and you are gonna internalize the FUCK out of it and sometimes your head has to preztel itself into something so that you get to do the thing you wanted (wear a fucking dress cause its pretty) but then get excited by how ‘wrong’ it is.
Like, ok, personal TMI time. I have always loved the look of frilly underwear and lingerie but I always felt Wrong about it. At first I assumed it was just cause I wanted to see it on other girls. But after exploring my gender stuff I realized that I dig crossdressing, I am 100% into wearing a binder and packer and slipping on some frilly undies and a dress and being humliated and degraded regarding it. Im not sure HOW that happened, but being a ball of mis-mash gender has made weird wire conncetions in my head yanno?
