I Simmer
Where does anger come from? Bubbles boil within and my face folds up disgustingly. Small words start the heat. Misunderstands rise to steam. Your little actions mean more than you think. One wrong thought carelessly said aloud shows slightly into your conscious. (maybe even more than slightly) Choose your words wisely. Now that i think about it, I swallow everything up: the little suggestions of me being inferior, the little glances, and the treatment. I'm not usually a boiler, i simmer in the midst of it all. Tears maybe. But when i boil..WHEN I BOIL. I do try to hold on to the hurtful words waiting to burst from my mouth. ( In these days it's texting it out and deciding whether to send. ) Destruction of the current enemy until sincere apologies arise, is my only goal. It usually doesn't work out that way. Words pile as there is a jumble of emotions. There is a likely chance I just drown in the words. Give up. Admit defeat. Even though I was right. Is any of it worth it? In the simmer, i say nothing. With tiny disturbances of my mind, I chose to be silent.I often ask myself if my opinions actually matter or if I should have said something. I choose to avoid conflict and let the voice inside hide. Anger? So what? Anger can cause more anger. Does it solve anything? Maybe. I just avoid because I'd rather have it easy. I'd rather not be judged by my thoughts, what I really think. Stick with the pack no matter how small. Would you be okay being alone? Ha. I'm already alone in my mind though my body is physically with others. Sometimes I should boil and speak my mind. Yet I simmer under the heat and absorb it all. I just..simmer.
