#4amtalks

[vharripaul]

#sunrise #trinidad #tb #4amtalks #sky #clouds #scenery #beautiful #nature #everythingisawesome

[4am--talks-blog]

Anxiety, Lies, And change.

Okay so this is my first of many vent posts, possible trigger warning as well.

This past week or so a lot has happened, my house was being renovated and it put such a strain on my relationship with my family which caused me to have severe anxiety and anxiety attacks. It sucked because my family would fight over the stupidest shit and would say horrible things about each other which caused me to have panic attacks and one of family members even made fun of me which of course didn’t help it just hurt me more. My mom, who helped me get everything situated in my house these couple of days, has been lying to me and I mean I can’t blame her she knows how bad my attacks can get so she tries hiding shit from me so I don’t find out and just go into a complete anxiety attack any small thing can set my anxiety into over drive and I’ll end up just vomiting and passing out. Everything just sucks at the moment, everyone is lying to each other, my anxiety is getting worse it’s the worst that it has ever been in the past 5 years that I’ve had it, I’m too afraid to go to the hospital for it because I’m afraid they’ll put me away some where and I’ll just waste away, I hate change honestly I don’t know what to do anymore I’m constantly living in fear and worry that something is gonna happen or some shit. I just want it all to go away I miss feeling happy.

[adventure-into-nature]

So I was smoking a joint with my brother and we got to the topic of sex. He ended up telling me he was bi for quite sometime. It made me really happy to know that my brother trusts me enough to tell me these things when it can be a hard thing to tell and trust people with. :D