May 16, 2025
I feel like I've been quietly mourning a part of me for awhile now. I think my brain has romanticized being sick. I remember how bad it was but I miss it. The familiarity of the cycles, taking care of myself, and god the drug that is mania. Right now I think if I could, I would live in it forever. But I know that if I ever made it back here everyone would be so disappointed. I hate to compare it to addiction but that's what it feels like. I know how bad the worst of it was and yet I want to do it again anyway, I feel wrong without it. I feel like I'm missing a part of myself.