500 Words About Anything: Bananas
Did you know banana plants grow 10 to 26 feet high, containing anywhere from 50 to 150 bananas each? Those are just a few fun facts I want to share with you about this fruit with a built-in coat to keep it safe, because I can write 500 words about anything you dare me to write about, and I’m going to prove it.
The technical term for a bunch of bananas is a hand. So what’s a single banana? A finger. Because, obviously. On average, bananas are made up of about 75 percent water. Which is why they float in water.
“Bananas free Swedish man from speeding fine” isn’t the type of headline you expect to find when doing spontaneous Google searches on a Friday night, but who doesn’t love bananas enough to eat them while driving over the speed limit? AND YOU SHOULD.
If you’re a bananaist, we need to have a serious chat about everything nice bananas have ever tried to do for you, with no expectation of a thank you in return. They’re high in vitamin C, potassium and carbohydrates (don’t worry: it’s the “good” kind of sugar). They’re not only a probiotic, but their high fiber content can aid digestion.
Eating them regularly can also help lower your blood pressure (I know you’re stressed, it’s going to be okay, here, have a banana) because of their high levels of potassium and low levels of sodium. Each banana only provides about 100 calories, so it’s the perfect post-workout snack or healthy addition to your favorite breakfast meal.
Because bananas contain large amounts of potassium, they’re technically more radioactive than other fruits. Just let that sink in for a minute.
Does anyone else hate banana strings? They’re actually called phloem, and if you peel a banana from the bottom up—BOOM. Problem solved. According to the Internet, anyway, but it’s fine. The Internet is always right.
As you might know from experience, bananas don’t last very long at room temperature, and if they get too cold, it’s a big ugly mush fest. Bananas are picked unripe, still green, and ripened in storage chambers using ethylene. It’s kind of like a growth (“ripening”) hormone for bananas.
Banana Boats were actually a thing! Like giant banana refrigerators made specifically for just one kind of fruit. By the way, I’m going to have this song stuck in my head for the rest of forever for some reason. So, there’s that.
Apparently banana peels have magical healing and beautifying powers, but as much as I trust the Internet, I can’t recommend any of them to you until I try them out first. So if you see me at the grocery store with a cart full of bananas, just keep walking.
Cavendish bananas, the kind you’ll find in my cart at the store, all originate from one single plant, making them identical clones of each other. So if there’s ever going to be a fruit completely wiped out by disease, bananas are IT.