It’s so wild to remember that Phone Guy was an actual security guard at one point. Like, are we really supposed to believe this stuttering wreck of a cinnamon roll was going to keep a thug from stealing anything
Then again, considering he spent 7 or so years surviving the night shift when your sorry ass can barely stay alive for a week maybe it should be the intruder who would be scared
“Hello hello? Uh, you really shouldn’t be here at night. Uh, if you don’t escort yourself off the premises I’ll have to call the authorities.“
“Hey, there’s no reason to call the cops man. You can’t prove I’m doing anything illegal. For all you know, I-“
“Uh, not to interrupt, but you really shouldn’t be here at night. You see, the animatronics tend to roam around a little-“
“What?“
“Yeah. It’s, uh, a bit of a programming error. But don’t worry, they probably won’t do anything do you. Well, c-’cept maybe shove you in a suit...“
“What the hell are you talking about?“
“Oh, if the animatronics think you’re an endoskeleton they might stuff you into a Freddy Fazbear suit, which would cause your eyes to pop out of your skull and your teeth to shatter and all that jazz. But hey, I’ve been working here for seven years and they haven’t gotten me yet, so we’ll be fine! Well, probably.“
“You know, I’m staring to wish you’d call the cops.“
“Oh look, there’s Foxy hiding behind the curtains over there! Y’know, this reminds me of the time I- I drained the office power before my shift was over and he almost managed to rip my arm off. Hah, Foxy’s always been a kidder.“
“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU“











