Ship: Ashton Irwin x Reader
Summary: You and Ashton have been together for over 3 years but lately you two can’t seem to stop arguing.
Warning: Sad :( angst :( swearing :( all that
I sigh, swirling the spoon around in my coffee mug as I stir up the creamer and lean back against the chair in the kitchen. Ashton was still locked up in the basement, banging on his drums to release the anger he wanted to so badly release on me. It was the constant arguing five times a day, the hate radiating off of our bodies and the grumpy attitudes we would let slip off our tongues.
It was toxic, very toxic. If I got a dollar every time a friend told me to leave Ashton, I probably would leave and buy myself a house but I could never bring myself to even think about it. I loved him deeply and I knew he loved me just as much too, if we didn’t we wouldn’t be still here trying to fix a already broken relationship.
I wish I could glue the pieces back together, I wish I could rewind and take us back. Now it was different, he barely touched me, kissed me, barely even looked at me with the hint of love in his eyes. It broke me to think he was slowly losing his love for me and replacing it with such hate. All he did now was look at me with dark eyes and an empty soul. We weren’t the same.
I stared down at the mug, hesitating before taking a few sips and remained in my spot while looking out the glass door that was by the kitchen which led out to the backyard. The grass green but growing long from the lack of being taken care of, the rose bushes continuing to bloom beautifully. A perfect home but a broken couple.
I didn’t realize Ashton stopped playing his drums until I heard his heavy footsteps walk inside the kitchen, I looked at his sweaty back muscles flexing as he bent down to grab a water from the fridge. He didn’t even bring himself to pay any attention to me.
I hated him for hurting me but I also hated myself for loving him so much.
I scoff under my breath, moving my eyes elsewhere and letting my throat sting from the hot coffee that ran down. I wanted to scream at him, maybe punch him in the face and try to at least make him feel the pain I did but I couldn’t. Not to him.
Once his footsteps moved out of the kitchen and up the staircase, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in. I felt completely trapped and I had no idea what I was going to do.
I got up from my seat, slipping my shoes on and walking out of the house to go a few houses down where Michael lived. The sun was starting to set and I knew Ashton would be angry with me for going out late let alone to Michael’s house. He hated when I would talk to his friends about what’s going on but I was Michael’s friend long before even meeting Ash.
I let my small knuckles knock on the large door, my eyes looking around as I waited and glanced down at my shorts and Ashton’s t-shirt I was wearing, not really caring about my choice in clothes.
When Michael’s face popped up in view, I sigh and almost letting my knees give out before wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug, my emotions getting the better of me and letting myself cry on his shoulder in his doorway. I was embarrassed for telling Michael so much just for me to stick around with Ashton. I hated talking about how tired I am of arguing, just to keep it going but Mikey was understanding and he knew how I was and he definitely knew how much I truly love Ashton.
“What happened this time?” He spoke quietly, dragging me in his house and shutting the door behind him.
“The usual.” I wipe away the tears, standing up straight and walked over to his couch before flopping down.
“I’m sure Ash will be here in a total of... ten minutes? So, before that happens- I’m thinking about leaving. Maybe if I leave and quickly fly back home in Australia, it would hurt less... right?” I let everything pour out, wanting to just be honest and speak my mind but never to my own boyfriend.
“I think it would be a good idea, you two are constantly bickering and it’s not healthy. I never knew how really toxic it was until I was out with the guys and Ashton got blacked out drunk, something he never does after admitting he didn’t want to be an alcoholic.” Michael sat down beside me and I instantly hugged onto him again, afraid to let go and go to the hell hole I used to call home.
“I’m sorry, I never wanted to drag you into this but.. I needed someone. He’s so fucking- frustrating. All he does is scream, even for the smallest things. What did I do? Am I the reason he’s like this now?” Instantly, my voice cracked and I held myself back from breaking down again. The pain in my chest only increasing, still suffering from a broken heart for all these months.
“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you, Y/N. That’s him and his own issues and if he can’t work them out and properly love you then he doesn’t deserve you. I know he’s my best friend but you are too, neither of you deserve any of the pain you’re getting. Just do yourself a favor and pack up then go home.” I hated how right Michael was, he was always giving me good advice and I never follow through half the time but this time I felt different.
I opened my mouth to say something but the loud banging on the door made me jump and close my mouth. I knew it was Ashton, angry and frustrated with me coming over here. I quickly apologize to Michael and rush over to the door to leave, soon being face to face to someone I used to adore. His face red and his vein popping out on his forehead, I bite down on my lower lip.
“Ashton, take it easy mate.” Michael whispered, giving the both of us a apologetic look. Ashton didn’t care though, he never cared about anything.
“Next time, mate. Fucking send Y/N back home, I’m sick of this shit with you two.” He angrily said, turning around and walking down the sidewalk to our house.
I stared at his back, the white tank top he wore hugging onto his body and his biceps flexing as he walked ahead of me. I knew he wanted to say something but I also knew him well enough to save it until we were behind closed doors. I was afraid to even step inside the house but he surprisingly held the door open for me and let me walk inside first. When he shut the door, he was silent and I turned around to look at him, his messy hair curls flopping down on his forehead.
“What did you tell Michael?” He said quietly, the hurt in his voice made my heart sink further than I thought it could. Was he assuming I was cheating on him with Michael?
“I- I want to leave and fly back home.” I stuttered, playing with my fingers and he started to walk up the stairs. I was quick to follow him but his long legs were taking bigger steps.
“Then fucking leave, Y/N! No one is keeping you here.” Ashton finally shouted, making things way more harder for me to speak than before, I didn’t want to argue or scream at him because my voice was just far too tired from yelling earlier.
Ashton had so much anger in him that he threw out my suit and started to throw my clothes from the closet and drawers, making a chaotic mess in our shared bedroom.
“Ashton... Ashton stop it!” I yelled at him, grabbing his wrists and he fell down on the floor, starting to sob uncontrollably.
“Ash..” My voice cracked, kneeling down in front of him and wrapped my arms around him tightly. This was the first time in a while since he wrapped his arms around me and held me like he was scared to lose me. Just sitting here, hugging him, made me feel so much. I felt his pain, his aching heart and his sadness. I let my fingers brush through his red hair, brushing it back and kissing his forehead gently.
I moved my hand down to rub his back, feeling his large hands rests on my lower back just for him to hug on tighter, our chests fully pressed against one another.
“Why are you crying?” I finally whispered, pulling back and wiped the tears off his cheeks, looking into his red puffy hazel eyes. He looked like a lost puppy in the street, looking for his home.
“I don’t want to lose you.. I never wanted to hurt you in the first place, Y/N. I’m such an idiot but I love you, I love you so goddamn much. Don’t go back home, stay here. Please.” He started to cry more and I felt useless in this moment, completely useless.
“All we do is argue, we haven’t been happy in months. I don’t want it to keep going and letting it tear us apart more.” I confessed, leaning back against the wall and pulling him with me as he sets his head against my chest.
“I’m sorry, I’m really fucking sorry I let it get this bad.” Ashton mumbled, his head turning to look up at me and I almost melt, giving into his puppy sad eyes.
“What if it gets worse? What if we really end up hurting each other more than we already do now?” I obviously wanted to give into him and forgive him like I always did, but I was genuinely afraid of if this could get worse, what if it doesn’t get better.
“I love you, Y/N.. and I want us to work.” He leaned up, pressing his lips against mine and I hesitated at first but eventually leaned forward to move my lips against his, something I haven’t felt in the last few months erupted.
“Please stay.” He mumbled again, keeping his lips against mine once more.
