HI RAYE ❤️ my first request is from your prompt list is - “My heart tells me to kiss you, my head tells me to walk away.” With Calum please 🥺 Sending you many hugs, gay!sos buddy 💕
Sorry for getting to this four months later!!!
5. “My heart tells me to kiss you, my head tells me to walk away.”
Word Count: 2,190 words
Content Warnings: Calum Angst (With happy ending), Unplanned pregnancy, Breakup over text, Crying
Calum never understood why you had chosen to broke up with him, especially over text, and especially when you two were engaged to be married in a year. In his mind, everything was perfect, until he was getting off rehearsal and the message from you knocked the wind out of him.
‘Calum, I’m leaving. I’m sorry, but I’ve decided that this isn’t what I want. I’m leaving tonight, I made sure your neighbor can take care of Duke until you get home, but by the time you read this I’ll be moved out of your home. I left my key, and the ring, on the table. Don’t call me, this number will be disconnected shortly after I send this. I wish you the best in tour and I hope you find someone who knows how lucky they are to love you.’
He blinked back tears as he struggled to comprehend the message, rereading it again and again, hoping the words would change to your usual ‘i love and miss you’ text he was used to getting. He immediately called you. hoping this was some joke you were pulling.
“I’m sorry,” the automated message greeted him, “The number you are trying to reach has been disconne-” Calum didn’t let it finish, he didn’t want to confirmation to hit, and he definitely didn’t want a robot to apologize to him.
Instead, he shoved his phone back into his pocket.
“Hey mate,” Ashton gently slapped a hand onto his shoulder and whispered, “Everything alright?”
Calum shook his head, finally letting the tears fall and sobs emit. Wide eyed, Ashton pulled his best friend into a hug, biting his lip as Michael and Luke hurried over.
“Th-they’re leaving,” Calum cried, “They disconnected they’re n-number and left me. They don’t love me anymore.”
The boys did their best to comfort their friend through his endless sobs.
“Should we cancel tonight?” Luke whispered but Calum shook his head, pulling his head away from Ashton’s chest.
“No,” he wiped his sleeve across his eyes, “No, the show still goes on. I just need to take these next few hours to process this.” He took a deep breath, doing his best to hold in the tears.
The boys nodded, giving him one more hug before giving him space. Calum tried to get a hold of everyone who would know where you would be, but no one seemed to have an answer for him, and he couldn’t bear to tell them that you broke up with him over text so he just said he’ll try again later.
The concert was hell, Calum knew he played like shit, but the only thing that made him give a damn was that he let the fans down. As expected, stan twitter was buzzing about his performance, many wondering what had happened to the bassist. That alone was enough to not want Calum to be on the site, that, and the fact that your name would be dragged into it, and it wouldn’t take long for fans to realize you deleted your social media presence. Instead, he chose to head right to the bus, drink a couple beers, try your number one last time before getting the same damn automated apology, before settling into his bunk and sobbing himself to sleep.
The boys hated seeing him like this, they had thought you were meant to be his for life, and they were just as shocked as him to hear of you leaving. When they were sure their heartbroken friend was asleep, they took their own turns trying to contact you, but they reached the same results as Calum.
The next morning, Calum woke up to a phone call, and he too eagerly sat up, hoping it was you and the whole thing had been a nightmare, but his face fell when the caller ID said Management.
“Hello?” The bassisst grumbled into the phone.
“Hey Cal,” the sympathetic tone of one of their managers, Linda, greeted him, “I heard about what happened last night, and I know the last thing you want to do is talk about it, but in the next few days you will have to make a public statement if you are still engaged with-”
“Yeah, I know,” he cut her off, not ready to hear your name, not this soon, “I’ll post something on twitter, just give me some time to prepare.”
“OK dear,” Calum could hear her small smile in her tone as she used to pet name she gave to all the boys, “I’ll let the team know, and if we need to cancel, just let us know OK?”
Calum took a deep breath, “Yeah, but we’re so close to finishing. I wanna power through it and go see Duke and get used to being in the house without [Y/N].”
“OK.. Just let us know, alright? We’re all here for you.”
Yeah, but I want her, Calum thought sadily to himself before responding, “Thanks Linda, I really appreciate it, you’re the best.”
He let Linda say her goodbyes before she hung up, and the rest of the tour was a blur to Calum. He kept the same pattern of getting up, going through his day, going to concerts, going to bed. The last two weeks of tour passed and before he knew it, Ashton was driving him to his Los Angeles home. Calum said nothing the whole way there, and Ashton knew this was going to be hard.
“Listen man, if you want, I can grab Duke and some of his things and have you stay with me,” Ashton glanced at his friend in the seat next to him, biting his lip as Calum shook his head.
“No, part of moving on is getting used to what’s gone. I’ll call you if I need company though, I promise.”
The older man sighed but nodded, knowing Calum had to get through this in his own way if he was going to get through it all, but he walked him to the door and gave him one more hug before going back to his car.
With a deep breath, Calum unlocked the door and teared up at the sounds of Duke running to greet him.
“Hey bud,” he smiled as he sunk to his knees to pet his furry son, letting him lick all over his hands and face, “I missed you too.”
Duke barked happily and headed into the kitchen where his food and water awaited him. Calum followed, noticing the note on the counter from his neighbor.
Hey Cal! I was last here around noon to let Duke out and I plan to be back around 4 in case you wanted to rest. If you are back before then, just shoot me a text so I know not to come over. I know you don’t wanna talk about [Y/N] so I didn’t say anything when you were on tour, but I hid her ring in the drawer with the bills. Also, and please don’t think I was being weird, I took out the trash when I first came over to take Duke out and noticed a pregnancy test in one of the trash bins. [Y/N] knows now I know, but I knew you also deserved to know, you know? There’s something else I need to tell you, so when I come back at 4 I’ll tell you then.
Calum felt shock after shock as he read the letter. You were pregnant? Is that why you left? And what did the neighbor have to tell him that they couldn’t write in the note? He checked the time on his watch, seeing it was almost 3:30. He could go over and knock now, get the anticipation over with, but he remembered his neighbor car wasn’t in their driveway when Ashton dropped him off, so he settled on taking a quick shower and making a snack. He was grateful he knew what drawer not to open, the ring had too many memories he had spent the last two weeks getting over.
It was 4:10 when he heard a knock on his door, and Calum hurried to leave his pizza rolls on the counter before rushing to the door, biting his lip when he saw his neighbor.
“Hey. Rian right? Thanks again for watching Duke while I was away... I could take him on his walk, but I did want to talk about the note you left.”
“Yeah, that..” Rian bit their lip, “So you know she was pregnant, but she left me her new number in case anything happened to Duke while you were still on tour, and her new address to send her letters too.. I talked to her before writing the note, and, while it took time, I convinced her that she had to be honest with you, in person, and she gave me permission to give you her address, if you still wanted to talk to her.”
Calum gasped, nodding, but trying to process the words. He thought he had lost you forever, and he still might have, but to get to see you again and know why everything had happened. He deserved that, and he knew that, no matter what happened at the end of the night.
Rian wrote the address down and set it in his hand, “No matter what happens, I hope you both get the closure you need,” they smiled weakly, gave Duke some small pats, before leaving.
The pizza rolls now abandoned, Calum grabbed Duke’s leash and his phone, quickly typing the address into the GPS before walking out with the small dog to the car.
The Maori man had a tight grip on the steering wheel, driving past familiar sights as the map took him to an apartment complex close to where you lived when you two first met.
He parked on the street then grabbed Duke’s leash before getting out. Taking a deep breath, he looked for your apartment number before knocking.
“Coming!” Your familiar voice rang through the opposite side of the door and Calum couldn’t believe this was actually happening. After weeks of agony, he was going to see you again.
You checked the peephole, biting your lip when you saw the man you called your fiance, still the handsomest man you have ever seen, standing with your furry son. Slowly, you opened the door, doing your best to give a small smile.
“Calum,” you greeted, “Hello..”
“Ba- [Y/N]. I know, about the baby, and I’m sure that’s why you left huh.”
Tearing up was already more than enough to confirm his suspicions, but he let you explain yourself.
“I’m sorry,” You sniffed, “I knew you would be a great dad, but I was so scared in the moment that I was going to ruin your career and your fans would hate me that I made you leave the band to raise a baby that was unplanned so I left and I had hoped that things would be fine but they’re not fine, because I hated myself for what I did to you and to me, and to our child. I’m not asking you to forgive me, the fact that you came to let me explain myself is enough.” You sobbed and placed an instinctive hand on your stomach as you waited for him to say something.
He took a deep breath and tried to calm Duke, who was riled up by your tears, before whispering,
“My heart tells me to kiss you, my head tells me to walk away.”
You sobbed but nodded at his words, “Which one will you listen to?”
He bit his lip, “The same one that told me to drop out of high school to form a band with my best friends,” he smiled softly as he stepped inside and he watched as you stepped back, not in fear but to let him in, “The same one that told me ask you out in that bar we met all those years ago, the same one that told me to come here, even after I thought everything was thrown away.” He gently wiped the tears from your cheeks as Duke settled at your feet and as he leaned in he whispered, “The same heart that knew it would never stop loving you.” He pressed his lips to yours gently, not fighting the smile as you returned the kiss with the same passion.
“You, me, and little one now.” you sniffed and smiled, “No more separating, no more heartache.”
He nodded in agreement, “No more walking away,” he smiled, “Only kissing.” He pecked his lips to yours one more time before sinking to his knees and whispering to your stomach, “Hey baby, it’s daddy.” He looked up as he heard you sob again, but returned the smile you gave as you assured him they were happy tears and he gave gentle kisses to your tummy.
“Only kisses,” he mumbled into your skin, sealing the promise with a small peck to your belly button before looking up with his own happy tears.