#5yearguy

[lilbookworm7777]

Okay, I think I'm 95% certain I only like the idea of 5-year guy and not the person himself. I mean, it's the only logical explanation. I guess you can say my obsession/crush/whatever it is ends tonight. I mean, I probably won't talk to him again unless he talks to me, but I don't think he will. HAHA. We're barely friends. But yeah, whatever.

I wonder what will happen if I told him that. HAHA. I mean, I know he knows I'm interested..but I don't think he'd care to be honest. :P From now, it's time to run towards the finish line!! :)

We'll just see what happens. I mean, there is the saying that people come and go in your life for a reason, and those who are meant to be stay in your life. IDK if he'll be that person, but yeah. I really should care less.......and stop being so hung up!! Okay. operation to get over him COMMENCE. 

Okay, why am I still procrastinating on my paper?? Le sigh. I need to read so much tomorrow...T____T

[lilbookworm7777]

Tried on my graduation regalia for the heck of it instead of doing my paper that's due on Friday when I realized time really flew.

I can't believe these 4 years at UCSB have flown on by. I'm excited to graduate yet apprehensive, plus everything is so surreal. Omg. So nerve-wrecking. I guess I'm privileged enough to be born into a well-off family, but still. I can't depend on them forever!! 

Okay, I need to stop worrying about the future and focus on the present. LOL. So close to the finish line!! :) But first, papers and final exams..boo. :((

P.S. Day 1 of no contact with 5-year-guy+no mentioning of him to my friends. 7 more days to go! Let's see if he'll initiate conversation....

[lilbookworm7777]

05.19.13

Extravaganza 2013 was kinda fun? But now I know for sure I don't like crowded places with people smoking and whatnot. So I'm pretty sure outdoors music festivals and probably the partying/clubbing scenes won't suit me. HAHA. I'm such a homebody. I like refined places, like a concert where there's formal seating and not too rowdy. I just prefer a close get together more and like mostly silence..or just like some time with close friends. At least this was my first and last Extravaganza, seeing that I've been at UCSB all 4 years, and Extravaganza is UCSB's biggest event. it's like the SB equivalent of SunGod. But the line took forever to get in, and then food places after the concert..omg. Too many people. 

Anyway, my friends and I got there at like 3:15 when gates opened at 1pm, and by then, there was already a long line. And it was so hot!! T_T We didn't leave until 6:45? We watched a bit of the band that was playing reggae, and then stayed for all of Dada Life. I lost my friends after I went to the restroom so I stayed behind and watched people from the bleachers. Even though I wasn't feeling the mood, the music that Dada Life played was excellent - it suited the dance scene pretty well. We watched a bit of Kendrick Lamar, who was the headliner but his performance wasn't the best. LOLOL. By the time we left, I was exhausted and thirsty and annoyed. LOL. I got back around like 8:30 and I'm still tired. BOO.

If only I left earlier, or hmm, if only 5-year-guy came so then we could bounce the event earlier. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like that scene either because there were too many people smoking cigs and weed, and it was too loud. Or maybe he likes those kinda things. IDK. He said he had a work event to go to, but yeah. I guess I can dream. LOL. But even if he did came, I don't know if I'd talk to him cuz I'm so awkward. HAHA.

But yeah, I want to ask him to my friend's co-ed honors frat's event, the casino night one, but like she said, it's weird if I do it over text. So whenever I see him next, I'll ask him if he likes poker. But that's kinda impossible because he won't initiate and I can't initiate anymore after this weekend. LOL. Boo, I guess I will initiate after the long weekend...? I'll just not talk to him for a whole week. We'll see what happens after. But really, the attire is semi-formal to formal, so perfect time to take pictures if he does go!! :)

Lastly, I can't trust anyone. Well, I can trust my female friends, but the friend of 5-year-guy shows my friend my texts with him. =_= I guess it's better than him showing 5-year-guy..but still. I didn't know guys showed each other texts!! I guess it's safe to assume they do because it's in everyone's nature? Well more or less anyway. There are those super reserved people. But either way, the stuff I told him wasn't stuff my friend didn't know before, so yeah. Okay, I can't trust guys. LOL. Just females now.

Okay, enough of an update for today. I'm debating whether or not to nap right now..I'm so sleepy. I think I might. And then I'll sleep more after I do some work even though I have a 9:30 am class. LOL.

Bye guys! :) 

P.S. 5-year-guy must be tired because he's been running around in my head all day everyday. But really, I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL. >:[ Meh. I shouldn't be so hung up over him but I am...maybe because he's so different from typical frat guys....

[lilbookworm7777]

05/18/13

Funny how life works sometimes when today I swore I'm done chasing 5-year-guy until he makes the effort to talk to me first and he somehow makes his way into my life again. As if I don't think about him enough!! Anyway, I ended up seeing him tonight at a friend's kickback. So one of my friends was invited to 5-year-guy's best friend's place for a kickback, which was normal seeing that her and him are good friends, and I had no intentions of going. I was just gonna stay at my place and work on homework and other things when she texted me saying the friend texted her saying 5-year-guy was gonna be there if I'm interested.

At first, I didn't want to go because I didn't want to seem too available, but I asked another friend and she was down to go. We ended up going and when we arrived, (thank goodness her boyfriend drove us because I did NOT want to walk to the friend place), 5-year-guy was there along with...3 other guys, one of them was the friend and another person I met during freshman year. My friend Julia was already there with two other chicks, so once my friend and I got there, there were 5 girls and 4 guys. But yeah, I ended up saying hi to 5-year-guy and introducing myself, and we played Cards Against Humanity. We didn't sit next to each other though, which was prolly for the better. He asked if I smoked and I was like nope, and he was like "nice." HAHA, but yeah, he said he hasn't smoked anything in his life.

All in all, it was a very mild night and people were drinking Mike's, which is like NOTHING, and just talking. I did find out he likes mexican food a lot, and he's kinda cynical? I don't think he drank any alcohol tonight. He did drink water and did a waterfall with the friend's Brita filter. LOL. But we left, as in me, Julia, my other friend, and 5-year-guy left around 12 am because we all have work to do and he was just tired. He ended up giving us a ride because Julia asked him how he's going back, and he said he drove. So obviously they had me sit in front with him and they sat in the back. His car was IDK, very...messy. LOL. Maybe I'm just used to my bro's and my dad's car being clean...o_o But yeah, he dropped off Julia first and then proceeded to drop me and my friend off. On the way, we kinda talked but not a lot. HAHA, At least I asked him when his graduation is? And omg, he knew mine was supposed to be the same day but at 1pm with my major but I told him I switched mine to Sunday instead. He was like oh. HAHA, at least he knows my major?? HAHA. But thank goodness my friend was with me in the car or else it would've been silent. LOL. She asked him about this freshman guy who was also in TASA but stopped coming out, and he was like yeah, he just joined. Then that was it. After he dropped us both off at my place, he drove off before I could see what car he drove!! =__= Oh well.

Anyway, at this point, I still don't know if  I like him or if I just like the idea of him. I mean, I know nothing about him - I just like him for his values or whatever that Julia told me and for his looks, obviously. LOL. Like when I'm around him, my heart doesn't beat fast like it did in HS or when I actually have a crush on the person. When I'm with him, it's just awkward. LOL. Maybe it's cuz I don't ever see him and that I don't really know him. But I guess I'll probably like him if I got to know him better? 

So yeah, I really want to know what he think of me. I mean seriously. He still responds to my texts! I mean, if i knew a guy liked me, I wouldn't want to hang out/respond to that guy's texts. I wonder if he finds it awkward when he's with me cuz he knows I'm interested, and both his friend, Julia, and my friend knows about that. Or maybe he's just nice like that, and/or feels flattered. LOL.

At least he looked nice today? Gray button-up shirt and dark pants. HAHA. Oh, we did talk about a mutual friend who also worked at his organization, and he asked how well I knew the guy, and I was like, not well. LOL. 

Okay, starting now, no more talking about him or texting him or else I get fined shots. I'll talk to him ONLY if he initiates. I'll probably ask him to Casino Night next week..maybe. We'll see. Oh well.

I really need to go sleep so I can be awake for Extravaganza 2013!! :) Need to get up early to get alcohol....LOL>

GOOD NIGHT. <3

[lilbookworm7777]

UPDATE: 05.16.13

So I randomly texted 5 year guy today asking him if he were going to Extravaganza, which is this super famous music festival that UCSB is known for and is the SB equivalent of Sun God at UCSD, and he texted back, around two hours later, saying he wasn't because he had this other event to go that his organization is hosting, but he hopes that I'll have fun. I was like, okay, cool, but I texted him back with a "Boo, okay. :[[ Let's hang out some other time?" To which he responded, even though it was like almost four hours later, with a "sounds good!" I'm surprised he still wants to hang out even though I've been SO awkward around him. I guess that's good?? I mean, dude he needs to stop responding to me so I can get the hint. I'd totally understand if he doesn't respond! I don't care if he seems like a jerk because I'd know he didn't do it on purpose! =_= Ugh, I have issues. But I guess I can just befriend him. Yeah, okay. But I might just text him to come study with me on Saturday, since I'll be there working on my resume and cover letter and/or working on my papers, and then if he declines, I'll just invite him to go to my friend's frat casino night with me. It'll be a good opportunity to take pictures because it's semi-formal attire and I can finallyyy have a picture with him!! :) HEHE.

But the thing is, I don't know if I like him or if I just like the idea of him. I mean, I don't know much about him except the things that my friend told me, and from what she told me, we do share the same values. But other than that, I don't think we share anything else. He's like the opposite of me because he really likes the outdoors. So I don't know. When I'm around him, I don't get those feels that I feel when I was crushing on someone in high school - my heart doesn't pound fast enough and I don't get sweaty/etc. I'm just quiet around him, so I don't know how I feel towards him. =___= Either way, this is an unhealthy addiction/obsession. I should work on get to know him!! I'll fake it till I make it..hopefully I can do that.

Oh, and I talked to his best friend yesterday and he basically told me all the stuff I already knew. He told me how 5-year-guy isn't the one to make a move and that I'd have to be the one doing the chasing, and that 5-year guy is really fragile atm since he just got out of a relationship. Essentially stuff I already learned from my friend...but then again, I didn't really ask the friend anything really. So I can't blame him for not giving me the answer I want. He just told me to "eat more, to stop trying so hard, and to stop thinking." And that "either [I'm] doing something wrong or you're not getting the right response from [5-year-guy]." Plus, the friend seems to know what to do to get 5-year-guy, but he won't tell me! Or he just didn't have time to tell me..ugh. Whatever. Either way though, 5-year-guy still responds to me even though he knows I'm interested, so I guess that's a good sign? 

ANYWAY, enough about 5-year-guy. I went to this male pageant hosted by all the non-Asian social frats in UCSB called Alpha Male tonight with my friends, and all I have to say is that I'm so glad I didn't join a white social sorority..all the people there are so loud and douchey, and the girls are so...kinda ditzy. No offense. The event was too long and too..chaotic/loud for my taste. My ears were ringing by the end of it. >___< I only went cuz this one Taiwanese guy who was competing said he had a high chance of winning so TASA should go support the only Taiwanese. I'm surprised all 860 tickets sold out...that show was SO NOT worth 5 dollars. LOL. So glad this was my first and last alpha male. I wish like the Asian greeks would host one!! :)

Okay, yeah, I have yet to finish my cover letter/resume for this summer internship I'm applying for. I want to finish it this weekend so I can focus on my two papers, one due next Friday and another due the Thursday after the long weekend. I'll just see if I get this internship, and if I do, I can finally see if marketing and public relations is for me. If not, I can always bounce back into event planning or try hospitality management or tourism or something. Might as well do something since I'm going to be in Taiwan anyway. My uncle has a girlfriend in Taiwan who works in the wedding planning industry, so if I don't get that internship, I can ask her for an internship in the industry to see if I like it. But I know I won't do anything with polisci. HAHAHA.  At least I kinda have my life planned out? Either way, omg, graduation is coming up fastt!! T__T

Speaking of school, I'm surprised I'm handling 20 units pretty well! Even though I don't read but I still go to lectures and sections. And I got Cs on my midterms, but whatever. So over school. Who knew 20 units could be so draining? I'm perpetually tired everyday even though I've been sleeping enough. I can only blame my time management skills..LOL. I'm such a good procrastinator....

Okay, time to go sleep! I have to go to my only class tomorrow to get my last midterm! Teachers really do know to make things due/important things happen on Friday so people can come to lecture..my paper for this class is due next Friday, the day before long weekend. Le sigh. Oh well, I'm ALMOST DONE.

P.S. I got an email from Office of the Registrar today saying that registration pass times are up, and I'm like EFF YOU. IM DONE. HAHA. So glad I don't have to deal with that stress anymore. 

P.P.S. Idk if I want to go to Extravaganza when I don't know anybody performing. I guess I'll go since it'll be my first and last one....

P.P.P.S. I really need to go to the library to work on stuff..blahh.

[lilbookworm7777]

I'm so glad I looked decent and wore makeup today to the Vietnamese Culture Night tonight when I was so close in bumming it because guess who I saw there?? 5-year-guy. I guess he didn't want to go with me since I asked him on Wednesday if he wanted to go, and he told me he might go home for Mother's Day, but haven't decided. I was like, okay, I'll just go on Sunday with my other friends, and so when I saw him today, I was kinda surprised. He didn't tell me at all beforehand he was gonna go, and I found out from his best friend on Friday that he went to LA on Saturday just to eat, so I knew he wasn't going to go home for Mother's Day. 

But anyway, when I saw him today, I didn't talk to him at all. Well, we made small talk, but not really. It's like whenever I see him, I seem to lose all social skills. I should like pursue him as a friend, but it's so difficult. And during the show, he kept receiving text messages and responding, so it makes me wonder why he doesn't respond to me as fast...or maybe at the times when I text him, he's always not at his phone? It doesn't matter. But during the show, it was him, me, my friend, and then her friend. Then his friend came and they both left during intermission. But at least 5-year-guy waited until my friend and I got back from getting drinks to say bye and to leave? 

OH WAIT, NEVERMIND. He initiated the convo on FB for the first time!! :) All because one of my friends added him and he had to ask me who the guy was...but better than me always initiating right? HAHA. 

Okay, maybe I should ask him to hang out and talk instead of freezing up. I'll just ask soon...haha. I guess him msging me tonight was a good sign? HAHA.

But that still doesn't change how awkward I am when I'm with him. I guess I'll fake it until I make it. LOL.

I'll post what my other friend said in the next post, which is good advice!! :) I'm glad I have such good friends to listen to my awkward scenarios...haha.

[lilbookworm7777]

To Give Up or Not to Give Up, That is the Question

I'm so conflicted. I mean, it's at the stage where it's just awkward if I ask 5-year-guy to hang out again when I know he doesn't want to go to this show with me and the fact that I know he knows I'm interested doesn't make things better. Plus, his best friend knows about me being interested and who knows what stuff they say about me without me knowing?? Those things could be either favorable or not. Ugh. Especially since Julia has dragged me along to hang out with her and him the past two days for her birthday, and IDK if my actions on those days were ...good, for lack of a better word. LOL. Oh well, it already passed so bleh. But why did I have to ruin all the chances that I had?? 

Library->Cockblocked myself by bringing a friend

Study seshs->Either I was sick or I went home

Night Market->I was so awkward that I ran away from him after a few sentences even though he came to that ALONE. Would've been a perfect opportunity to get to know him better.

I really should just not give a fack and be weird. LOL. One of my guy friends think I'm coming off too strong, but dude, we only have 4 weeks left in the school year, and after graduation, I probably won't see him again since we're from two opposite sides of California. So yeah, I don't know if I want to keep on pursuing this when I know nothing will come out of it anytime soon, or just keep on going but get to know him on a friend basis...

Why am I so awkward around guys?? =______=  

#foreverawkward #foreverhopeless. LOL.

P.S. I don't know why I stay on FB chat when I know he won't initiate the convo...

[lilbookworm7777]

So my friend told me she had breakfast with 5-year guy's best friend (let's call him...person B) in SB this morning and apparently 5 year guy (person A) told person B his side of the story with me, idk if person A told him voluntarily or they were talking about something that led to me..but anyway, apparently person A liked that I had balls, which warranted a congrats from my friend. Then my friend and Person B both agreed I shouldn't have brought that friend cuz apparently 5 year guy thought she was cute. So essentially, I cockblocked myself and my friend said by bringing that friend, I seemed insecure. And she also told me that I caught his attention by being "ballsy" and he apparently liked "confident and assertive girls." But that whole insecure thing wasn't said by 5-year guy - my friend and person B assumed. So whatever. HAHA.

I got all this right before my Modern China midterm at 11am so I was like half-focusing on my midterm. Either way though, the midterm wasn't bad so I think I did alright. I'll change it pass/no pass if I don't do well..:P I think I'm probably going to change my European Politics class P/NP though. We'll see. 

Anyway, so I texted him earlier today, like at 945pm-ish, asking if he had midterms next week and if he wanted to study. He responded with "Let's study Sunday" I guess that's good that he responded and made a plan? I rescheduled saying that I'm going home so I won't be able to make it/I'm not sure when I'll be back. In the end, he said he'll let me know on the weekday when he goes. I don't know if that's a good thing. HAHA. But good thing I didn't screw myself over TOO bad. Or maybe it's just in my mind cuz my friend told me what she and Person B thought..

Okay, I guess we will see. Let's hope something will evolve, even if it's going to go slow. I guess good things happen to those who wait? :P Plus, I think this is worth it so I don't think I'm going to give up. HAHA. I'm glad my friend told me to text that forward-thing. LOL.

Anyway, I'm going home tomorrow. So exciteddd. :) Haven't seen my dog and my parents in awhile! Not to mention I have a ITASA WCC team+volunteers+SGLs dinner so I can't wait to see everyone again. Well, most of them anyway. :)