#5yg

[lilbookworm7777]

Why is it so hard for me to forget about him??

He really isn't worth my time, but I keep thinking back to all those awkward interactions and how I may or may not have screwed up my chances, especially since I'm not good at conversing with people who I think are good-looking. =__=

Ugh, I'm hopeless. I really need to get my mind off him but it's oh so hard. :[[ It doesn't help that he's one of the better looking guys I've seen...bleh.

[lilbookworm7777]

So I was thinking about the hug with 5YG at his graduation, and I noticed that when he saw me, he just immediately came to me with his arms out wanting a hug. I thought it was weird because shouldn’t I be the one initiating the hug since it was his graduation and hugging symbolizes congratulations? But oh well, maybe he saw that as a friendly gesture/greeting. I was going to hug him anyway!! Just not in front of his parents and friends because that would be so awkward. Good thing he came to meet me one on one. :P

Or maybe I’m just overthinking things again. =_______= But I just found out today he is might be going to China this summer to work with a family friend, so I guess we will be kinda close to each other seeing that I will probably be in Taiwan at the time too. Maybe we can meet up??

But yeah, that hug yesterday confused me… Grr and I was so sure I got over him…

Anyway, I’ve officially graduated and I moved back home with my parents in LA. It’s so surreal how I’m back home again and won’t be going back to school ever. I have so much cleaning and unpacking to do, ugh. It’s gonna be a tedious next few days. I'll find time upload photos too!!

[lilbookworm7777]

UCSB Class of 2013 Commencement Day One

So I went to the 9am graduation for the science people to see certain friends and 5YG, and prior to that, I purposely put on perfume and hair lotion in case I had to hug people, in addition to makeup and wearing one of my rent the runway dresses. I'm so glad I did because yeah, I hugged way too many people that time. It's funny because I find myself naturally hugging guys I haven't talked to in forever. HAHA, oh well, but I did get a photo with 5YG! :) I texted him earlier today and he agreed for a picture. He told his parents to meet him at the UCen, but he totally went out of his way to come meet me at the back area behind the seats. When he saw me, he was like "hey :)" I said "congrats!" and we hugged and took a photo, where I asked a random Asian chick to take it since I couldn't find my friends, and she was super incompetent. She took forever to take one photo. But I'm glad the photo turned out pretty well. :) He literally opened his arms so I knew he wanted a hug. HAHA. I think I go up to his neck? So he's pretty tall. Anyway, I wanted a vertical photo but she went for the horizontal way, and I was going to stand on his left not right because my purse was on my left shoulder. But oh welllll, it's all in the past now. His hug was nice. Huehuehue, and his arm was around my waist, instead of my shoulders!! Okay, I think I'm overthinking..LOL. But yeah, after the photo, we made small talk but it was still okayy. Guess I won't see him ever again. :[ I only got a picture with him and my friend, in terms of graduates. I couldn't even find my other friend who I've known these past 4 years. Graduation is so chaotic - it's literally impossible to find friends. :[ So 5YG better feel special. LOL. 

Oh well, two more graduations to go to and then it's my turn tomorrow!! :)

[lilbookworm7777]

There's something about someone saying "congratulations" in person as opposed to just reading the word through an email. Hearing the actual word in person makes me feel so surreal that I'm graduating and entering the real world. O_O Over email, it's just like oh whatever, but in person..so different. While I was at the UCen the other day getting my stage pass, the guy who gave me mine said "congratulations," which made me realize these past 4 years have finally come to an end, and it's very very unbelievable. Although I have both ups and downs, but overall, I had a really good college experience. I really don't regret anything, even though some people may disagree that I haven't lived up to the full college experience. Oh well. That's not what matters. Gahh, although I'm super excited to be leaving because I've been here too long, but I've really grown attached to this place. 

Omg, so bittersweet. :( Oh well, graduation in two days and then homeward bound!! :)

Also, this guy still responds to me. HEHEHE. He's so friendly. :) We'll see if anything happens..but speaking of guys, my friend said I should just text 5YG tomorrow, since he's graduating with my friend, to get a photo before he leaves forever. I just might. He can always say no. HAHA. No harm in trying, right?

[lilbookworm7777]

06/03/2013

I never know how to make of it when a guy friend you somewhat know but not a close friend, randomly calls you his bff. I mean, I don't him that well, but we've talked a couple of times since we were both ITASA WCC small group leaders. Still though, we haven't really interacted much outside ITASA and whatnot. But we did talk sometimes on FB chat and I'd mention how I'm a good matchmaker among my friends because I was asking him about his constant teasing to this one girl at ITASA, so I guess that's how he decided to call me his bff because he "can rely on me for these kind of stuff (girl problems, etc etc)." This was like in late April, and we've been randomly talking from time to time, with him initiating. But I guess it's good he thinks of me as his bff because I did tell him about 5YG one time, and he gave okay advice, as in "I think your friend can do better and find a guy more suitable." =_= Either way though, the guy is really chill and we get along just fine at ITASA and I don't think I'm awkward with him, and it's not bad having a guy bff? I might as well start treating this friendship the same way..LOL. He better be prepared to listen to all my PMS-ing and all that stuff. LOL. The funny thing is that he's friends with my friend's best friend from Rice, seeing that he went to Rice University too. Such a small world...

Anyway, I digress from the point of this post. I was just gonna say with the ITASA guy calling me his bff, he made me realize how 5YG is definitely not worth it. I've been too infatuated/blinded with him and the idea of chasing him all throughout half of last quarter and now spring quarter that I failed to see the people who do matter and who do like you for who you are would make the effort to talk to you and to befriend you. So, 5YG is definitely not worth my time. Why would I keep chasing him when I know he won't ever initiate? It's not like he never befriended a person before. If he really wanted to get to know me, he'd initiate and like ask me to hang out. But I guess it is our last quarter in college and he doesn't see a point in gaining new friends? But ultimately, this means he's definitely NOT interested. I guess we are two opposite people that it's gonna be hard to maintain a friendship. I should stay away from those people who aren't worth my time/won't make the effort to initiate. Or maybe it's because I screwed things up and made things awkward before..whatever. HAHA. It's all in the past anyway.

This also further shows how ITASA can connect people and help them stay or become friends with each other, and that all the Taiwanese people are bond by a shared identity; thus, making them more prone to helping each other/befriending each other. :) Ahh, the wonders of ITASA and of being Taiwanese. HAHA.

I'm just so blessed that I've met the people I have through ITASA and to have those who matter/care. From this day forward, consider me done and over 5YG. I'm moving on with my life, but I will give him the fact that he's really nice. Aside from that though, he's so not worth it. I'm done done done. 

But yeah, no more 5YG, unless something comes up within the next few days before graduation that involves him, which is unlikely. 5YG is officially out of my life.

Time to be happy and live carefree-ish before graduation. 13 more days until my ceremony! So close yet so far. >__< Cannot wait. :)

[lilbookworm7777]

Last (for now) 5YG-Related Post...

CLICK at your own discretion! :P I warned you. I really need to stop thinking but he always somehow finds a way into my head...=_= Examples below. 

But really, like what my friend said, "at this point, just fuck it and get over it and yourself, don't text him anymore unless he texts you first, don't bring him up, if you see him before graduation just congratulate him, move on"

Good plan, that's what I'll do. 

But first, I have to mention this. So today was casino night fundraiser for my friend's frat, and so I went. At first, I didn't have anyone to go with, but then 5YG's best friend, let's call him, Bob, wanted to go too. So he texted me, asking me when I was going to go, and we made plans to just go together. He wanted to drive there so I asked him to pick me up, only if he wanted to, even though I live so close to the venue. He agreed to so when he came, we made small talk in the car. But omg, his car is so nice!! It's my dream car, Lexus IS 250 but in white. My other friend has this car in black, so it's cute if they met each other. :P Anyway, his car is so clean and new, compared to 5YG's, whose car is like so messy. HAHA. I mentioned that to Bob, and he's like, "maybe that's all 5YG cares about now. Getting from Point A to Point B." But really, why can't he just clean his car? It's so..messy. =_= 

Anyway, casino night itself was okay. I expected a lot more, but then again, it was on campus so I can't really say anything. At least I got to dress up? It wasn't that fun because I suck at casino games and I didn't really know anyone so it was like kinda awkward....and then Bob and I decided to leave early after we lost our chips, and as we were leaving, my friend wanted a photo so we took one before we left. But as we were leaving, we apparently saw 5YG's love interest (past or current, I don't even know) outside the building, so it was like whoa. HAHA. And then Bob asked me if he really was gonna drop me off at my place, considering how I live so close, and I was like okay fine, I'll just walk back, and he's like I'm just kidding, it's fine. =_= Why ask then? Guys, I don't even know. I just hate troubling people so I tend to just say no to avoid the hassle. LOL. 

So on the way back to IV, he went on to talk about his girl problems, and then like he randomly was like "Oh, I'm actually on the way to 5YG's house." At first, I thought he meant he was going to bring me, and I was like "WHAT." But Bob was like, "I meant, after I drop you off." And I was like "whew, that's better. It'd be awkward if you did bring me and he's probably going to be like what the eff is she doing here." HAHA, so yeah. That scared me a bit. And Bob doesn't even know what they're going to do, so eh. Probably guy talk.....o_o

Anyway, back to 5YG. I guess he doesn't want to be friends either. His loss really. I can be such a good friend!! I'm so loyal to my real ones..:P I'm like 95% in giving up, but ugh, if something comes up that involves him, then it's going to be hard again. I mean, I just want a clear answer from him. He still talks to me when he knows I'm interested...=_= Maybe he's just nice but I'd totally get the hint if he doesn't respond to me...it's not like he never chased a girl/befriended one. He could totally initiate!! But I guess, again, he doesn't want to be friends and that he knows I'm interested. Ugh, maybe I should tell him I want to be friends, but there's no point when we're graduating in two weeks. LOL.

First example: that kickback at Bob's when I swore I was done initiating convos with him, and 5YG was there, which was surprising cuz he told me that day he went up north and he doesn't drink....=_=

Second example: that hi from my classmate in my class on Wednesday...that was also the day when I swore I wouldn't think/talk about him to other people...

Third example: when my friend told me she saw him at a nightclub downtown last night, which was really random, considering he doesn't like to drink and he doesn't like the party scene either. 

Fourth example: today when Bob mentioned he was going to 5YG's after he dropped me off and how we saw 5YG's potential love interest after we left the event...=_=

Anyway, I'd like to think that 5YG are similar in the sense that we both don't like drinking, don't smoke, don't like partying/loud scenes, but we're just too opposite people. He likes the outdoors/staying healthy, I like being a homebody and just sit at the computer. He doesn't like boba and I really like the drink. I guess we're really not meant to be. :[ Fate or 緣分 is not in my favor right now. Well, he IS 5YG for a reason, but still. Maybe I'm okay with waiting, but screw this. No one has like 5 years to make a move!! Carpe diem!! =_=

HAHA, oh well. I should just stop.

[lilbookworm7777]

=______=

But really, I guess 5YG and I don't have that kind of 緣分 because let's face it, whenever I ask him to do something, he's always busy or it's just really bad timing. So yeah, I'm done chasing, forreal. Now I just have to figure out a way to get him out of my head...

It was nice knowing him though. Or maybe I should ask him to study but..meh. If he's not going to make the effort, why should I? I totally went one full week without talking to him, and he didn't initiate. This is starting to be NOT worth it. Or maybe he is, but I just have to wait...? 

Okay, whatever, I'm done. Time to just enjoy the rest of UCSB before graduation and then be out of heree. :)

[lilbookworm7777]

Awkward

Yep, that's me. That's probably the only word I'll use to describe myself. Not any other word but awkward. So I was in my Taiwan studies class today and falling asleep because the lecturer today was so boring (even though my polisci TA was there as well and her friend is kinda cute.. I think I sat next to him during one of the extra presentations I had to go to for this class, and I was super tired then as well...haha, I prolly dozed off too and made a bad impression. OH WELL, I prolly won't see him again after graduation since I saw him like twice...in the 4 years I've been here. LOL) when the person who I was sitting next to, 5 year guy's friend and an acquaintance of mine who was on FB talking to people the whole time since the lecture sucked, as I mentioned above, randomly leaned over to me and said "(5 year guy) says hi." I was like on FB too and when I heard that, I was like taken aback and still half-awake and I replied with, "thanks." Uh what. What kind of response is that?? I should've said, "oh okay haha, tell him I said hi back." But no, I said thanks. =___= She prolly thought I was weird and told him my response, or at least I hope she didn't. 5YG prolly thought I'm weird already...=_= Plus, she probably saw me dozing off in class!! What a horrible impression. Out of all the times she sat next to me, she had to pick today to tell me he said hi. What..or maybe she didn't even care that much and I'm just overthinking. Ugh, and I wonder how they even talked about me. Oh, probably, "haha, YY's sleeping in class..." 5YG: "oh tell her I said hi when she wakes up haha" 

I can just envision that convo...omg. Grr, I'm so bad at socializing....booo. Well at least he tells her to say hi to me? IDK what we are..I could totally ask him to hang out but I don't know if I should..maybe I will just go see him on his graduation. But blah, I need to talk to his best friend on Friday after casino night..need his opinion..LOL. Ugh, why am I overthinking?? I told 5YG's best friend that I wouldn't talk about 5YG until Friday, but dude, I wasn't going to talk about him UNTIL that friend told me he said hi!! Just when I want to stop thinking about him..like that one time when I swore I'm done chasing, I had to see him at the kickback..it's like I can't get this guy out of my mind...=___=

But really, I'm the queen of awkwardness....le sigh. T___T

Okay, I need to work on my paper that's due tomorrow...lol. Procrastination at its finest. But boo, I'm so sleepyy. Guess I'll get coffee after dinner before I go to the library! Need to stay in the library until I finish so I don't have to bring back the books...at least some sources are from my Taiwan class!! :) Seriously though, that 4.3 earthquake today didn't help..it was so scary and sudden! Good thing nothing in the apartment fell....

And catching up today with some guy friends was good!! One of them has a car now so I might just ask him for favors...:) I told him that and he was like "good thing i didn't tell you I have a car...jk, you have two more weeks. Just ask me for favors all you want" HAHA. Can't believe I used to think I like him..i mean, the dude's nice but ahh idk. I guess I'm not awkward with him? Anyway, it's so scary how people go separate ways after college, and you won't see people again, unless you make the effort to and whatnot. Ahh, I'm so sad to be leaving my friends. :( Who knows what will happen. T_T

I need to nap. BYE.