#62611

[leomacgivena]

クリスチャンに「ご冥福を」と言うのはおかしい、というのは確かに理屈としてはそうなんですけど、そういう人は我が身に何か悪いことが起きた時にアメリカ人から「オーマイゴッド！」と同情されたら「私は仏教徒です！」と怒るのかという話で、こういうコモンセンスといものを忘却した話は有害ですね。

XユーザーのOGAWA Kandaiさん

[capturemymindd-blog]

New beginnings.

Life has been good to me this past week. I started college and honestly I'm off to a good start. I haven't procrastinated at all, surprisingly. However, I am a little worried about college Algebra. I did get an "A" throughout my high school years in Algebra 1 and 2 so I don't know why I'm skeptical but I just am. I will NOT settle for anything less than a B in any of my college courses. On the other hand, I'm sooooo happy with my baby. Ever since I've been up here he has been the best support system. I'm glad he is there for me because being up here in this apartment practically by myself gets lonely. Hopefully he'll be up here soon to keep my company. 

[moni-katt]

Finally..

So, it's officially been a year. This time last year I didn't even know I was only an hour away from talking to you, and never stopping. Even though you've hurt me probably more than anyone else, you're still the most amazing, sweetest funniest guy I've ever met, and from the bottom of my heart I can say I love you. You may have made me cry a few times and we both may have said some things that we now regret, but nevertheless you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, there's no possible way for me to forget about you now.. There's no way I can forget all of the sweet charming things you've said to me that made me fall for you at a speed I could not control, & I still can't believe we've never even dated, that's the sad part. I mean, we probably would've, if you hadn't believed some things a few months ago, that's what really ruined us, I had never cried like that in my life.. It hurt so bad that you believed other people and not me.. But that's in the last now and there is nothing I can do about it. You're still the most confusing person I've ever met, however. Right now I don't even know where we stand.. You said you needed to talk to me about "us" but then you go and keep talking to the ONE girl that I don't like? Wtf is up with that. You don't realize that those things hurt more than you think. It really bothers me that you probably think you have me whenever you want, I mean I know that's true, but you can't think that. & I have to be proud around you, now. I can't speak my mind anymore, because I never know how you'll take it.. You're the only guy that I've risked literally everything for, despite my brother not liking you. I never cared, I always found some way to talk to you. I wish you could see all my efforts. But the one thing I don't like about you? Your cockiness. You weren't always like that, but after school started again and you started to hang out with all those stupid obnoxious guys, you slowly became one of them.. And you thought you were the shit, and that was an ugly trait, still is an ugly trait. But it's part of who you are now and I can do anything about it. Anyway, I'll never stop loving you, no matter how hard I try, it's just not a possibility, so for now I can only hope for the best and hope that you see how much I truly care. 

[moni-katt]

I don't get myself, I say that you don't care, that's it's never going to be the same anymore, but I have been saying that since October. That was six months ago, six whole months. Am I fucking blind? If I have been saying that since then, OBVIOUSLY nothing is ever going to change, So why am I still In love with you? Could it be that I'm used to you? Ugh.. I can't get you out of my head, not even when I stopped talking to you.. WHY. You're obviously a piece of shit, I KNOW YOU ARE. You are absolutely no good for me, my heart just seems to not get it, I think maybe the fact that I would talk to you everyday for 7 months straight got me really attached to you, I would've done ANYTHING for you, if things had gone the right way. You have trust issues, and I hate it when people don't trust me when I have done absolutely nothing wrong. You turned into this clingy ugly thing that overpowered my whole life, I couldn't do anything anymore without you getting upset about it, it was so annoying, but still, I would say I love you back, everytime. I realize now, almost a year later, that I didn't fall in love with you, I fell in love with the idea of you, I fell in love with all those sweet words that I now know were just your bullshit. I'm glad that physically I don't have to deal with you anymore, it just bugs me that emotionally, my heart doesn't let me move on.. I'm fine for a few weeks, then the cycle starts all over again. When will all this end? :(

[moni-katt]

I havent been this happy in literally months. (': So glad that went well ^-^

[moni-katt]

/:

less than an hour and it's your birthday Dear♥ /: i'm gonna swallow my pride and talk to you, idgaf i can't take not being a part of your life anymore, I miss you so much. My only fear is that you've already forgotten about me, or that when i write you that meaningful "Happy birthday" message you'll say something douchy. -.- but part of me thinks you wouldn't be capable of being mean, especially to me. It just sucks that I won't be able to spend it with you like we both wanted..

[moni-katt]

-______-

Why is it that on some days i randomly miss you? I fucking hate it, i'll be completely fine for a week or two, but then one day, bam. You're on my mind all day, maybe it's because i see something that reminds me of you? I don't know, but i don't like it. Some days i'll be completely convinced that i'm over you, but other days i feel like crying because i lost you and can't do anything about it anymore.. I hope you realize that things weren't supposed to end this way, we weren't supposed to be complete strangers after 7 months of happiness.. I hate that whenever i'm trying to talk to another guy i can't cause i always think about what you would say, i can't talk to any other guys because i feel like i'm being unfaithful to you? Even though were not together, i can't help these feelings i still have for you. But you... You're probably off happy as can be talking to so many girls and winning them over with all the same words you won me over, you're probably charming and sweet like how you used to be with me, you're probably sending another girl those long meaningful goodnight/goodmorning  messages that you would send me.. /: you're probably telling her she has a beautiful smile and gorgeous eyes like you did with me. Ugh I hate that it's taking me so long to move on, and every time i think i am something always has to happen and i fall for you again, maybe it's because you made me feel so safe and comfortable, so secure. No one else had ever made me feel that way before. No matter how much i want to sometimes i can't wish anything bad upoun you, i still care way too much about you. Ah i hate you. But i love you at the same time. I hate this mixture of emotions, sometimes  i just wish that i had never met you.

[moni-katt]

Last thing I'm ever writing about this asshole.

FUCK YOU. seriously. i gave you my everything, i told you things i had never told anybody else, when i stopped talking to you, i wanted you to chase after me, i wanted you to annoy me until i talked to you again, but now i realized that having stopped talking to you was my best decision, i'm myself again, and you're obviously happy. it's like you don't care about everything we've been through, all those things we would talk about, i used to have so much trust in you, and you in me. i hate how everything went downhill, but there's nothing i can do about it. But the things that pissed me off the most, is that you spent Valentine's day with HER. t(-.-t) omg my heart didn't even drop when i found out, i just felt like punching you right in your fucking face. fuck you for doing that, fuck you for leading me on for so fucking long knowing you still had feelings for her, i couldn't even explain the anger i felt towards you when i found out, part of me feels like you just did it to piss me off, and it fucking worked, i hope you're fucking happy. From now on, i'm no longer going to mention you to anyone, it's going to be like you never existed, like i never loved you. If people ask me about you, i'll just change the conversation, i'm NEVER going to talk to you again, you hurt me too deeply. I hate to say it, but things would just be better if i had never met you.