7.3.24 / day 10 of romanticizing my life until i love myself again
feeling a bit far away from myself lately. as much as i say that other people in my life are doing the same nothing every day in a row, but i do the same nothing every day, too
i clean my apartment, reorganize things, cook myself meals, walk my dog, go to work, take my silly little pictures on my silly little camera, take a nap with sweet pea, do it all over again the next day
i am such a creature of routine, that once it has set, it is set into my bones, into the walls of my home, in the chemicals in my sweat, shaping tomorrow into yesterday, one at a time
tomorrow, i tell myself, i will make music tomorrow. i will wake up earlier tomorrow. i will eat more tomorrow. i will get on top of things tomorrow. i will be back—tomorrow
.and then tomorrow comes, and suddenly it’s midnight and it’s already over, and i am here, sitting on the couch by the tv, while sweet pea sleeps beside me, and i say: if i just go to bed right now, i can have a good start for tomorrow—but i am still somehow behind, catching up, less than i used to, when i was younger, but still running