i have a group video conference for my stupid virtual fitness class thing for school in 15 minutes
but i am kind of a mess right now and also panicking and i don't actually know how I can force myself to be there or be presentable or anything but I don't know what will happen if i don't and i
freaking out about lots of things
crapcrapcrap i can't even think clearly right now this is what happens when i have really busy days my brain has used up all its energy on existing and responding to stimuli and focusing on my environment which is more eventful than usual
oh god i'm actually not going to join i'm not going to show up
it's not like i sent her a note beforehand what do i do
my friend is going to be there too and she knows i know about it because we TALKED about it this morning and ugh
why do i have so very many holes
maybe i should just email my friend to make excuses for me but she probably won't even see it
i could check if she is on skype but i'm not sure i could do that because then i'd have to interact with somebody and that takes so much energy
plus it's so humiliating like why aren't i doing something like contacting the teacher or figuring this out earlier or pulling myself together like a reasonable person and be responsible and respond
FIVE MINUTES OH MY GOD I AM SO DEAD
even if i show up at this point i'm not sure it will be of any use? like i don't think i could talk right now?
see normally these things happen but i'm in a corner of my house and i can let my computer process reality for me but now i have to be a person and
i am going to go up to my room and pretend i'm not ruining my SHIT IT'S 8:00
I AM GOING TO GO UPSTAIRS AND NOT DO ANYTHING STUPID BECAUSE I'M GOOD AT THAT
MAYBE I"LL FIND SOMEWHERE BETTER THAN UPSTAIRS FOR NOT DOING STUPID THINGS CRAP
I AM GOING TO SO REGRET POSTING THIS RIGHT NOW BUT OK OF ALL THE RECKLESS THINGS I COULD BE DOING THAT I WOULD REGRET THIS IS ONE OF THE VERY LEAST HARMFUL ONES
