- if it wasn't for you
catching snowflakes, and watching them melt in my hand:
you would dissolve, like steam rising, unfurling from a coffee cup.
pull so close, push so far.
the confusion is what im still unravelling, almost a year later.
saying goodbye to the what ifs and maybes
and this "magical" future i thought we had, which is almost the hardest part.
we were so close to being perfect (in my imagination).
in the stillness, the darkness,
the pain has a moment to come to the surface,
and it scratches and fights and kicks all over again.
if it wasn't for you,
i wouldnt feel like im falling in and out of love
knowing that i wasn't quite enough,
for you.
i did yoga this week, with my friend jenny.
the teacher asked us to set an intention for the class
"saying goodbye and letting go of seamus".
when the class ended i didn't feel any different,
but i did.