Discover Top Posts Tagged with #81scorp

Constructive criticism: Raya and Wish (2023)

Ah yes, Raya and the last Dragon and Wish... and a bonus

Raya and the last Dragon

Taking place in the fictional country of Kumandra, based on Southeast Asian culture, the movie follows the warrior princess Raya as she seek the fabled last dragon to save her father and the land of Kumandra from evil spirits that are known as Druun.

Critics gave the film positive reviews; some critics praised the imagery and depth but criticized the limited Southeast Asian representation.

The movie is very good on a technical level, Visually impressive, fun characters and the story is good... until the third act.

It`s message doesn`t really fit into it`s narrative. It tries to fit a square shaped peg into a round hole.

If I could wish upon a star that I could travel back in time and do some changes to the script I would like to make one small change.

Namaari giving her "This is just as much your fault" speech and Raya acting as if she`s right

The biggest downside in this scene is Raya`s reaction to what Namaari says, looking at her own reflection in her sword as if to say: "My god, what have I become?"

How I would do it: Raya and Namaari fight. Raya gets the upperhand, disarms Namaari and is about to strike the final blow... but then she looks at what`s happening around them, the city is falling apart, killing Namaari is not gonna solve this. She drops her sword.

Raya: "My original plan was to steal the gem. It was Sisu who convinced me to talk to you. She believed in you. And for a moment... so did I."

Then she leaves to save what still can be saved of the people of Fang.

Namaari looks at her own reflection in one of her twin swords and has a "My god, what have I become?" moment.

I guess I could stop here, but I want to change one more scene.

Raya giving her gem piece to Namaari

In the scene where they are all in the pit trying to fight the druuns with their gem pieces and Raya realizes that they have to put the pieces together. Raya tells Tong, Boun and that they have to trust each other even Namaari, but they refuse. Raya decides that she has to take the first step and give her piece to Namaari, but Namaari takes that first step before she does and gives her piece to Raya.

Namaari would then step backwards and let the Druun take her. The others would then give their pieces to Raya, stand next to Namaari and be turned to stone. Raya tries to put the gem back together, nothing happens, she places herself between Namaari and the others (Tong, Boun, Little Noi and the Ongis), puts a hand on Tong`s arm and a hand on Namaari`s shoulder as if to form a bridge between the two. (Symbolism!)

Then the dragongem starts working, everyone gets unstoned, the dragons return, Kumandra is united and everyone`s happy.

The end.

Yes, I know. Raya needed to learn how to trust, but Namaari needed to show that she could be trusted.

Wish (2023)

Disney (the company that owns your childhood) was turning 100 years old and decided to give itself a big pat on the back by making an animated movie that would celebrate it`s legacy.

The film received mixed reviews, with praise directed towards the vocal performances, the animation and references to the wider Disney canon, but criticism levelled at the plotting, songs, and screenplay.

People were disappointed in Wish because it was supposed to be a milestone, the movie made to celebrate that the Disney animation studio has been around for 100 years! It just couldn`t live up to the hype. But if you take all the hype and great expectations out of the equation and just view it, not as this BIG thing it was intended to be, but just as the movie it is, it`s... just OK.

Later when the art book of the movie came out and people saw what could have been, many youtubers decided to do what I have been doing since 2015, and do a little constructive criticism of their own. With so many rewrites of Wish popping up on the internet and my own history of playing script doctor, it only seems logical that I too throw my hat in the ring and submit my own Wish rewrite.

So... if I had a fairy godmother who could Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo me back in time to when this movie was written, this is what I would change.

People willingly giving their wishes to Magnifico

It would have been better if Magnifico took peoples wishes from them without their knowledge. It would have made him a better villain. He could take peoples wishes when they are asleep.

Asha

I`d dial down her quirkiness a little. Personalitywise she could be an ambitious overachiever, a mix between Hermoine and Tiana, with an adorkable side.

Valentino

Does everything he says have to be something comical? I like jokes but not all of them landed. It was like his funniness was mandated. Dial down the number of jokes.

Some of the songs

It`s not that the songs are bad per se, some of them just don`t fit into the scenes where they are used, like "At all cost".

They should either have :

A: Given Julia Michaels more time and let her be more involved in the production. (Howard Ashman was very involved in the making of The Little Mermaid.)

B: Hired people experienced in musicals. Maybe the people who wrote the songs for Wicked, Hadestown or Hazbin Hotel?

Magnifico needing a book to be evil

The biggest problem this movie has is that it couldn`t decide if Magnifico should be a redeemable, three dimensional antagonist or a classic Disney Villain, so it did both and the results were underwhelming.

I would have made him a twist villain, but instead of waiting for the third act I would reveal it near the end of the first. He would be a charismatic leader, great at fooling people that he has their best interests at heart. In the end, his paranoia would get the better of him.

To Starboy or not to Starboy, that is the question.

At first I wasn`t gonna bother with the whole Starboy thing since it`s not really an issue. The movie`s biggest problem lies in how they wrote King Magnifico. However, a while ago I saw a video on youtube by ColeyDoesThings who talked about what the movie could have been if they had gone the Starboy route, and she made some compelling arguments. So for this rewrite I`ve decided to go with the Starboy idea.

Starboy`s personality could be a lot like Aladdin, a little bit like Peter Pan with a pinch of Ariel. (Why Ariel? Because similar to her, he wants to be where the people are, he wants to see, wants to see 'em dancin'. You know, all that stuff.) He would be a bit of a contrast to Asha.

I did not change Star becase I thought it was necessary, but because I thought it sounded interesting.

I would also make Hal and Bazeema gay and have them kiss eachother in the end.

Plot

Asha prepares to interview for the job of Magnifico's apprentice on the day of her grandfather Sabino's 100th birthday.

When Asha is around, her mother and Saba put on a happy face for her, when she leaves they become a bit apathetic. This is something that many people in Rosas over the age of 18 (who have had their wishes taken) do.

She leads tourists through the town as she sings about what an amazing place it is and what an awesome king they have in "Welcome to Rosas". She rehearses for her job interview with her friends,

There are three wishes that the king refuses to grant:

Wishes about killing people.

Wishes about making someone fall in in love with someone else.

Wishes about bringing people back from the dead.

If you wish to become a magician you`ll have to become the king`s apprentice (and you don`t have to be 18.)

Queen Amaya shows up and takes Asha to Magnifico. At first it goes a little shaky because she`s nervous but then it goes well and Magnifico thinks she is worthy to be his apprentice.

They sing a duet, but not "At all cost". It is a song about optimism and ambition, about what a great student/mentor team they`ll make. The chorus could go:

Magnifico: "With you as my student!"

Asha: "With you as my guide!"

Both: "Great things will happen with you by my side!"

Something like that.

The interview is over and Asha leaves Magnifico`s study.

She is excited. She gets to work with the king! The most awesome king in the world! She does a dorky little victory dance. Valentino shows up, he snuck into the castle with her. Asha starts chasing him, she doesn`t want him to break something expensive, she really wants this job!

Valentino sneaks in through a door to a big (and probably forbidden) room and knocks down an ancient scroll. Asha picks up the scroll to put it back where it was, then she notices the title: How to remove someone`s wish.

Remove? The king grants wishes, he doesn`t take them!

She tries to convince herself not to read it, it`s not meant for her eyes, it`s classified, but her curiosity gets the better of her. She reads in the scroll that the spell should not be used on people under the age of 18. The individual who has had their wish removed becomes docile and free of aspirations, and in some rare cases, even lethargic (just like Simon). They will feel like something is missing from their life but are not able to put their finger on what.

She refuses to believe this. This can`t be true! Magnifico wouldn`t do something like this! He`s a good king!... Right? There are magical orbs of light floating in the ceiling, she takes a ladder and climbs up so that she can get a better look at them. One of the orbs shows a woman that wishes she could fly, another a woman who wishes to sail the seas, another a man who wishes to climb a muntain, and one of the orbs shows... her Saba! It is true, the king takes peoples wishes from them!

She climbs down, puts the scroll back and leaves the room quietly with Valentino under her arm.

She`s about to leave the castle through the main gate when Magnifico shows up. He tells her that there will be a wish-granting ceremony later that evening and he wants her to be present. Asha is nervous, but not a "OMG! I`m meeting my hero!" kind of nervous, but a "Hope he doesn`t figure out that I went into a forbidden room and saw things I shouldn`t have seen" kind of nervous. He seems not to notice, but at soon as Asha leaves the room we see that he did.

Later that evening there`s a wish-granting ceremony, a woman gets her wish granted, the people cheer for Magnifico and Asha sits there next to the queen, stiff and nervous.

Later that night: Asha tries to tell her family the truth about Magnifico, but they don`t believe her. Distraught, Asha runs away and makes her own wish on a star as she sings "This wish". (Not a bad song, but it could have used better lyrics in some places.)

Starboy appears and surprises Asha who smacks him with her sketch-book. (Meet-cute!)

Magnifico senses Starboy's arrival and sees it as a threat to his power.

Starboy doesn`t really grant wishes per se. He`s only as helpful as giving the means, but it’s up to the wishmaker to put the work in order to have their wish fulfilled.

Starboy's magic brings the forest to life, giving voices to the animals, plants and Valentino. They sing "I`m a star", but with better lyrics. (No "we're all shareholders" or "Get that through your system. Solar!") Asha, Valentino, and Starboy embark on a mission to recover Sabino's wish. She wants to save all the wishes, but if she can only save one she`ll have to focus on Sabino`s.

Tension rises in Rosas, Magnifico makes a public appearence and promises a great reward for any information relating to the strange light phenomenon. This makes Simon react. The residents of Rosas begin questioning his rule for the first time. Magnifico gets uncomfortable, leaves and sings "This is the thanks I get" (But sinister, not upbeat, and no "I let you live here fo free and I don't even charge you rent"). Asha and Starboy takes not only Sabino`s wish but a few other wishes as well and uses Starboy`s cape as a sack.

Asha returns Sabino's wish and he is overjoyed to have his memories back and sings "A wish worth making", playing his lute. They get ready to take the sack with the other wishes and return them to their rightful owners when King Magnifico bursts into the family's home. He has been informed by a mole that Asha was responsible for Starboy's arrival. He crushes Sakina's wish as punishment, rendering her overcome with grief. Starboy tries to defend her and is spotted by Magnifico, who vows to capture him. Asha and her family flee with Starboy. Sakina can barely stand after what Magnifico did to her wish, so Starboy uses his magic to give her the strength to walk. In all the chaos they unfortunately leave the other wishes in their home, Magnifico takes them as his own. Sabino and Sakima hide somewhere safe while Asha goes back to Rosas to free the rest of the wishes.

Later, in Magnifico`s study: Simon enters and feels bad for selling out his friend, King Magnifico tells him that what he did was necessary for the safety of the kingdom and that Asha won`t be hurt. He turns Simon into a knight, not in a public wish-granting ceremony though, but right there in his study.

Later, a brainwashed Simon is walking the streets with the company of other knights, searching for Asha and the rest of her friends. Asha sees him and looks for a place to hide. She finds her friends` hideout, not because of Valentino`s butt, but because of his sense of smell. She rallies the rest of her friends, Queen Amaya shows up and joins them.

Asha and her friends start making a plan.

Later, in King Magnifico`s secret lab: King Magnifico has made a staff, Amaya shows up and tells him what Asha and her friends are planning.

Gasp! Queen Amaya is a villain! (Dun dun dunn!)

She and Magnifico sing an evil duet villain song which is kinda similar to "With you by my side".

Asha`s friends infiltrate Magnifico's study to open up the ceiling and free the wishes while Asha plans to distract Magnifico. She and Starboy hides in the woods, she is nervous, Starboy tries to comfort her, so they talk a little. The talking leads to feelings being revealed which leads to singing. They sing "At all costs" and dance a romantic dance, first on the surface of a lake, then high up in the sky. (Thanks to Starboy`s magic.) Starboy gives Asha a magic wand to use as he leaves to help her friends, he then notices that he is getting weaker. Magnifico arrives, he and Asha fights. Magnifico turns out to be Simon disguised with an illusion and he breaks Asha`s wand, Asha finds a way to knock him out using the environment to her advantage.

Her friends almost free the wishes but are betrayed by Queen Amaya. Starboy tries to stop her but she pulls out a dagger and threatens to kill one of Asha`s friends, Magnifico shows up and zaps Starboy with magical chains that he can`t break free from.

Asha returns to the city, is caught by Magnifico, finds Starboy in magical chains and finds out that Queen Amaya was just a mole. Magnifico darkens the sky with clouds so that the people won`t be able to wish on stars.

Asha (to Magnifico): "I believed in you! I thought you were a good king!"

Magnifico: "I`m not a good king. I`m a GREAT king!"

All hope seems lost, Asha starts to sing the reprise to "This wish", her friends and the people of Rosas join her and their singing makes Starboy strong enough to break free from his chains. The breaking of the chains creates a shockwave that knocks Asha, Amaya and Magnifico off the tower. Starboy, still weakened, only has enough strength to save one of them, so he saves Asha.

With Magnifico defeated, his spell powers down as a new day dawns over the kingdom, with the citizens, Asha's mother included, are able to get their wishes back, afterwards, Asha is soon confronted by a regretful Simon, who understands if she doesn`t want to forgive him, but she does as she understands why he did it.

Starboy keeps getting weaker and has to go back, he gives Asha a new wand and the two of them say good bye. She wonders if she`ll ever see him again, he tells her that he`ll be the second star to the right.

With urging from her friends, Asha promises to help others earn their wishes as a Fairy Godmother, aiding everyone in making their dreams come true.

Post-credit scene: One year later: Asha is walking to the wishing tree in her fairy godmother outfit. She walks past a grave stone. Sabino is sitting in the tree playing "When you wish upon a star" on his lute. A tear rolls down Asha`s cheek. After Sabino has played the song he disappears as if he was a ghost. We see that the grave stone that Asha walked past earlier was Sabino`s. She wipes away her tear, looks up at the second star to the right, takes out her wand and teleports to some place where she might be needed.

And that`s how I would do it. Not great but hopefully not bad.

I cut "Knowing what I know now" because it was getting a little tight between songs. It would be hard to fit that song, Magnifico and Amaya`s villain song and "At all costs" so close to each other, while still maintaining a good narrative flow.

At first I wasn`t gonna turn Queen Amaya evil because I couldn`t come up with enough evil stuff for her to do (that I could fit into the plot without making it worse). But then I made her a villain because it would make things harder for Asha and her friends, which would make the movie more interesting.

But like I said before, the movie`s biggest problem is not that the Queen wasn`t evil, but that the writers couldn`t pick a lane when deciding if they wanted to make Magnifico a three-dimensional antagonist or a classic Disney Villain.

And now... a Bonus

One more thing about Frozen 2

Turning Kristoff`s Lost in the woods into a cheesy 1980s rock ballad musicvideo

I was gonna have this in my Frozen 2 CC but forgot and didn`t remember until after I published it. Since I don`t wanna go back and edit it I`ll write it here.

This scene is admittedly entertaining and if you don`t care about tone as long as it`s entertaining it`s fine.

But funny songs works better for funny characters and what Kristoff is singing about feels sincere, which clashes with how the song is executed.

The 1980s rock sound: Lose it.

The visuals: Have Kristoff walking around in the woods, seeing things that, to him, looks like Anna: a pile of rocks, a pile of leaves, a cloud in the sky. Stuff like that.

Probably an unpopular opinion.

It is of course very easy for me to write these because I have the luxury of hindsight. And unlike the filmmakers I didn`t have a movie studio full of corporate suits breathing down my neck, focus grouping the movie to death, forcing in unnecessary changes and pressuring me to get it made before a deadline.

Why do I write these?

For several reasons. I`m nitpicky. Sometimes the movies I criticize aren`t bad, I just like my own ideas better. Sometimes the movies I critize are bad. I care about good storytelling and it`s a fun excerize in creativity and script doctoring.

But also because I have a lot of of free time.

---------------------------------------------

Other movies on my Constructive Criticism list that you can look forward to

Supergirl (1984) Jonah Hex (2010) Dragonball evolution The Spirit (2008) The Dark Knight trilogy

And as usual: English is not my first language, so if my writing doesn`t seem to flow naturally, you know why.

#editorial #constructive criticism #written stuff #disney #raya and the last dragon #disney wish #wish rewrite #wish reimagined #81scorp

This one took me a while to make. I drew the pencil sketch for this one on sep 5th. Then I drew the ink version but didnt like the background so I had to draw a new one and then when it was time to colour it I had a hard time deciding how I was gonna do the shadows. I wanted her to be shadowed like the cliffs but I didnt want her to be too dark and disappear into the background. Im glad to finally have gotten it out. Not exactly how I pictured it but Im afraid that if I try to improve it I`ll just make it worse. It reminds me of the old saying: "Art is never finished, only abandoned".

My local library (where I usually scan my pics) has gotten a new scanner that only allows you to save your scans as PDFs with a resolution of 100 DPI (Dots Per Inch). I scan my pics at at least 200 DPI so this didn`t work. This picture and "Love is in the air" was scanned at work (so I had to be a little sneaky).

Ln'eta is a character from Sucker for love; a videogame developed by Akabaka and published by DreadXP.

Polished line art

Ink on paper

Pencil sketch

#ln'eta #sucker for love #fan art #ocean #video games #81scorp #lneta