#9-3-21

[222kelly]

I intend to feel satisfied today

I intend to have a good day

I intend to pick thoughts that feel good

I intend to feel good

[thoughtlesssunflower]

Dear mom

New job is going well so far. It feels very strange to be back in kitchens after being more office driven for so long but a part of me definitely missed it. There are long slow periods though and I feel useless as I learn how they run a store. And while I know others are doing nothing, it feels like my nothing is wrong compared to theirs? Maybe that's just my anxiety brain talking. It's hard to find things to do as I still learn what exactly gets done each day. But everyone is nice. It's....quiet? Simple? Homely. Yeah. Homely seems the best word for it. A nice change of pace for me.

Mom I've gone no contact. It's the healthiest option for ME. And that's who I have to focus on. Never did I think it to be a thing. I feel so hurt and sad that any progress we had made over the years, especially since your death, seems to have burned to the ground. All those steps forward lost. Forever? I don't know.

Do I want it forever? I don't think so? It's hard to know how to feel exactly right now. And I'm sure that's very upsetting to you and I can only be glad you weren't there for the fall out. But I don't want to settle anymore. I don't want to back down, be beaten down by fears and harsh words. I deserve respect too mom. My choices and how I live and grow are mine to make. I think you understood that better than anyone.

You could tell me all the ways I went wrong and calmly suggest how to approach each other again. You could show him exactly how I'm feeling with no fear of him lashing out. I miss that. What I wouldn't give for a phone call so you could make sense of all my jumbled thoughts and torn feelings. But all I can do is talk to your pictures, and do what I believe is the best and safest option for me.

Am I concerned for my safety. No I don't believe so. He only ever hit me once. It's just the fear. It's the yelling. I shut down. I shake and tear apart my fingers because crying only makes it worse. It's those feelings that make me desperate to give up and just give in. And I don't want that anymore. I have boundaries just like everyone else. I deserve to have them respected even if he doesn't agree or fully understand. Even if you don't. That's why we were trying to talk and mend bridges right?

So yeah mom. No contact for now. We didn't have much contact to begin with and already I feel the desire to give in and apologize. But I won't apologize for standing up for myself. I want to apologize for some of the things I said out of pain and anger. I regret that. I want to believe he feels a similar way. I want things to be better.

And while I am melancholy that I'll probably never have that 'daddys youngest baby' relationship we had hoped for and seen in picture perfect movies, I would very much like something much better than this. Today is not that day. It might not even be this year. And I'm so sorry it's that way so close to your birthday but it's for the best. It's what we need maybe. Before I could ever even consider trying again.

So watch over him a little extra right now. He's an ass, but I'm not completely heartless. And watch over my brothers extra. They need it more than me no doubt. Send T your love, your idiot husband tried to bring her into this and she didn't need that heart attack. Maybe send butterflies?

I've been seeing a lot of ladybugs recently. I like to think it's you just saying hello.

I do love you mom. Maybe I didn't say it enough or as much as you needed but I'm an action kinda person not words. But I do love you. To the moon and back

[kavala247]

Αν. Μακεδονία – Θράκη: 50 νέες μολύνσεις SARS-COV 2 – Αναλυτικοί πίνακες

Αν. Μακεδονία – Θράκη: 50 νέες μολύνσεις SARS-COV 2 – Αναλυτικοί πίνακες

SearchΑν. Μακεδονία – Θράκη: 50 νέες μολύνσεις SARS-COV 2 – Αναλυτικοί πίνακες9:22 μμUpd: 15 ώρες πρινΣύνταξη Ρένα Πανταζόγλου Στις 50 ανέρχονται οι νέες μολύνσεις του SARS-COV 2 στην Περιφέρεια Αν. Μακεδονίας-Θράκης, όπως ανακοίνωσε ο ΕΟΔΥ σήμερα Τρίτη 9 Μαρτίου 2021, εκ των οποίων: – 6 στην Περιφερειακή Ενότητα Δράμας, – 14 στην Περιφερειακή Ενότητα Έβρου, – 19 στην Περιφερειακή…

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