Dear mom
Peace is coming
My time is coming
Soon
Soom
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@thoughtlesssunflower
Dear mom
Peace is coming
My time is coming
Soon
Soom
Dear mom
Made it to my 28th birthday yesterday. Who knew I would make it this far
Dear mom
It's day 243 of being homeless and Day 1 of finally having my own apartment again.
It's Day 1 of starting over again
Dear mom
Happy Mother's Day
I'm still here. I miss you more every day
Dear mom
Sorry it's been so long. I'm sorry I keep forgetting to write. I'm sorry I'll try harder.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry
Dear mom
It's day 100 of being homeless. I've got a really nice job and salary now. I'm praying I still have enough saved in April for a place. I don't want this to be over before August.
If I can't get in somewhere in April, prices will just go up with the summer because of the colleges. I'm running out of places to safely sleep and it's starting to get to me.
Finally gave in and got a gym membership so I can easily shower anytime and the place is 24hrs. So maybe if the lot is big enough I can get away staying there occasionally. I don't know.
J and I got into a huge fight. I want to end things. I want this to be forever. I want to run away and I want a wedding. I want all of it and nothing at all all at the same time. I'm confused. And hurt. Maybe I'm overreacting about the whole thing. Maybe it's the lack or sleep and stress.
Dear mom
Sometimes, deep in his sleep, he holds and cradles my stomach. He wraps his arms so firm around me. I wish there was something there for him to protect
Dear mom
Happy New Year! I got into a fairly bad fight with my boyfriend, I broke things off between me and his girlfriend and I'm taking a step back from that relationship and friendship for a while. There's been a lot of things she's said that deeply hurt me and her refusing to even acknowledge that or take accountability was pretty painful. I'm working through some other things with my boyfriend and we seem to be on better terms.
Also I'm in a poly style relationship for the last year-ish. It's been going great for the most part! But the last month was very very rough.
Anyway.
I miss you! I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a while. I'm...still homeless. Still living in my car. I see my boyfriend about once or twice a week though and stay with him. I'm doing my best to be safe and work through this all.
I miss you like fucking crazy.
Went back home over Christmas for a few days. It was...strange. Cathartic in a way. Felt like that time I really was saying good bye. And that felt good.
M lives in Philly now with his brother and they're working on their relationship. Saw him just before his birthday. Hopefully I'll see him again in February. I miss him so much. Keep an eye on him for me please? Keep him safe. He needs it.
I should be trying to sleep. But the days are long and the nights have been pretty warm which sucks. Cracking my windows is a necessity but definitely doesn't make me feel safe. It'll be OK. I always manage to find a way yeah?
I don't wish you were here because living is truly a prison. And I know I'll never be able to go where you are. Maybe they have visitor passes for people like me. Who knows.
I love you
Dear mom
Being homeless is both terrifying and normal. I think I'd be more worried without a car. But life goes on. I'm going on and on.
I see no end in sight. I'm not sure what I'm fighting for or striving towards anymore. I just want to wake up one day and actually know what I'm supposed to be doing
Dear mom
I keep telling myself. Things have been far worse and I have made it
Things have been sadder and I have still smiled
Things have been more desperate and I have still leaped
Mom I'm going through the stages of grief again. And it is alright. It doesn't feel temporary. It doesn't feel small or even ok.
But I have been through far worse
And somehow I am still here
Why? Why am I still here?
Dear mom
I'll be gone by December 4th. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't have any plans.
Dear mom
Why doesn't he want me
Why doesn't he want to know me? Am I worth so little to him?
Why do I fall so far down in his priorities?
Dear mom
Happy birthday. Or happy late birthday I should say. It was yesterday and I'm sorry I wasn't very sober enough to write to you. Today I'm drinking again. And your best friend is here.
And all I can think about is what I wouldn't give to have you here instead of her. I am so tired. Tired of talking about you instead of to you. Talking about you to strangers. To people who knew and loved you. Talking about you in general
But not getting to talk to you anymore. And it's just not fair
So happy birthday mom. I miss you. I love you. And I wish I was there with you. One day very soon
Dear mom
Today is C's birthday. Keep her safe please. May all her dreams and wants flourish.
I send all my love. Watch over her & her loved ones
Dear mom
It has been four years without you. Four years with a call, a joke, a smile.
Four years with your laughter and your tears. Your advice. Your security.
I am forced to live a life without you now. And it has made me a shell of a person
Dear mom
A sunrise I caught the other day heading to work. Thought you and Nana would enjoy the warm summer vibes
Dear mom
Do you think we'll ever be friends?
Do you think I'll have a day I want to wake up for?