11:11 @222kelly - Tumblr Blog

I've come a longggggg way in 4 years 🥹 now i know how to get off and I'm better at picking guys that will make me shakeeee 😝 and i squirt baby wooohoooo 🤘🏽

In a bad mood cause my man that's not my man hasn't texted me in 3 days 🙄 get it together dummy this is blockable behavior

#8-18-25

IF YOU WERE REALLY SORRY YOU WOULDN'T HAVE SAID IT

Just wanna be alone alone and scream my fucking lungs out.

#10-8-21 #thank god I'm going to a concert on the 12th

Having the only two men in my life resort to kicking me out when they're upset with me is really shitty. Cause like damn, even my own fucking family doesn't want me. No one fuckin wants me. And that intrusive thought probably hurts the most (remember: because it's so far from the truth). Idk it just hurts having my grandpa say "if you don't like it you can leave" thrice... after him promising he'd never say it again. It hurts that i believed him and gave him the benefit of the doubt and he just completely had no fucking compassion. "Once again kelly I'm sorry for the move remark" idk cause you're hurting me in exactly the same way my dad did so that's just salt on the wound. And THREE FUCKING TIMES? That's just fucking disgusting. I'm not fucking talking to him for a few days.

#10-8-21

To My FWB,

Hopefully this isn't weird 🥴 i was wondering if we could just talk when we wanna hookup? Cause i feel like we're more people that hookup and less friends w benefits

FUCK that sounds weird. I just wanna talk when we hookup cause we use to be closer and now being kinda distant sucks i'd rather just hear from him when he wants to use my body. :( also, he didn't wanna be on my private story, so like okay i get it we're not really friends...we just hookup w eachother. That's fine. But i need the "good morning" "wyd" "how was your day" to stop cause it's kinda making me go nuts, on top of the not responding for an hour or two and when he does it's a chat that's like a word or two words. Like homie was snapping me every few minutes now i barely get any attention. Idk if he thought i was pulling back and then met me w that energy or if he's just pulling back bc of something idk about 🤷🏽‍♀️

Maybe I'm just naive and we were never really friends from the get go but it felt like we were to me and i don't like where we're at now. Not to mention i cried like a baby after the last time we had sex

Simping over a guy is still wanting to talk to him after you cried all the way home after having sex 🤠 shit maybe i just want attention

#9-29-21

I think nico will always hold a special place in my heart because he opened his door to me when no one else was there (non physical was there but i wasn't letting it in), when i was sleeping in my car, acting like everything was fine, showing up to olivia's graduation, going to boone late-night early-morning with meredith and alexis and vivian. None of them knew i was sleeping at nico's/my car (i guess olivia did at the end cause she brought me back). He was also with me when i experienced what non physical must feel for each and every one of us (pure, unconditional love). Does that mean i still love him? No. Does that mean i tell him when I'm at my parent's? No. But i will always appreciate that he was there when i was at my lowest (and my highest lmao).

#9-27-21

Idk i don't wanna have quick hookups because i know that means I'm not going to be cumming. Having sex and then being done when the guy finishes makes me cry every fucking time because i just feel like a fucking object, not a human being. ESPECIALLY when they make no effort to make me cum.

I think I'm too attached w my fwb cause i be wanting him to care about how I'm feelin n shit ugggh 😩 told him i was tryna get a dr's appointment n he said "ahhh" and "that suck" so i stopped playing checkers and responding to his snaps cause like ok that was a vibe check. He also didn't want to be added to my private story..like damn okay we're really NOT friends, huh? We're just fuck buddies and you just like talking to me so much because you need attention...got it. Makes me want to not interact w him as much/as often, makes me wanna pull my energy back. I can't stand half ass people, if we're gonna be friends imma be your ride or die n ppl rlly don't be feelin the same way n that's fine but i want people who gon give it their absolute all. Reciprocation >>>>>>

Or maybe he just doesn't wanna catch feelings. Tbh though id rather we only talk when he wants my body instead of him giving me breadcrumbs. I do remember him posting some shit like "let's do couple shit without being a couple" and i was like yessss and i don't feel bad for wanting things to change cause i gotta put me first

#9-20-21

I've never been in a relationship and cause I'm 20 it feels like no one could Ever want me Like THat (ik im young leave me alone) so i settle for fuck buddies but after a while i either catch feelings or just get unhappy and stop denying to myself that i want a lover and then i break things off and try to effort my way to having a lover but all i can focus on is the lack of a lover and so it never happens. I just wanna STOP thinking about relationships and love but Lack Of Lover is prolly one of my most dominant vibrations so it's hard :(

Maybe i should just decide that i don't want make myself fucking miserable anymore.! I know that if i can think about other things MORE, the universe will bring the perfect person to me in such a delicious way. Kinda ready to see how the universe is gonna make it happen on my behalf. Okay then. Universe, I'm deciding right here right now i want to stop making myself miserable by thinking about the lack of love (AW UNIVERSE 🥺🥺 say hey (i love you) came on n he says something like u can bump into someone on the street n look in their eyes n love em)! I am deciding to instead focus on my meditation so i can feel better and WHEN I'M READY my perf relationship gon fall into place and I'm gonna revel in how utterly perfect it was and how exciting it was on the journey to get to them! I am deciding imma put my full (maybe mostly full) faith into the universe so i can switch from struggle to ease and laughter and bliss and SATISFACTIONNNN, because THAT'S WHAT I DESERVE, THAT'S WHAT I WANT, THAT'S WHAT MY PRECIOUS INNER BEING IS HOLDING THE SPACE FOR FOR ME, THAT'S WHO MY INNER BEING IS! I'M DECIDING TO MEET MY INNER BEING AS OFTEN AS I CAN TO FEEL THAT UTTER BLISS I HAVE KNOWN TO BE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! I AM DECIDING TO INTEND TO FEEL THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AS OFTEN AS I'M READY FOR!

#9-12-21

Actually, i want to love him and show him that he's enough but the intrusive thoughts are saying that he wouldn't fucking want me like that because no one has ever wanted me enough to actually be w me like that. But damn he'd be lucky to have me cause i've got the biggest heart and i would love him with everything in me

#9-9-21

I'm done sending this mfer boob pics all he says is "soapy tity" UXIEIWJEJIRICIICIXI HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IF I SAW YOUR DICK AND SAID "dick" LIKE SERIOUSLY CMON

#9-6-21

DON'T ACT LIKE I'M AVERAGE !

I intend to feel satisfied today

I intend to have a good day

I intend to pick thoughts that feel good

I intend to feel good

#9-3-21

Words don't mean SHIT to me anymore. I care about your actions (or lack of), how you talk to/about people...i care about the decisions you make, the things you pick. ❤️‍🔥The meat is not in the words you speak, the meat is in the vibration you leak. ❤️‍🔥

#8-25-21

I wanna be loved. By myself AND someone else cause I'm greedy

#8-16-21

Told boy i've never been in a relationship and he said he wish he did that cause then he wouldn't be so fucked up... no bro you don't get it i walk around with insidious little thoughts in my head like "no one will ever love me" "how could someone love me when my own father couldn't even love me" "I'm going to die alone, never having known what it felt like to be loved romantically" "I'm never enough, or I'm always too much" and ironically we probably have the same intrusive thoughts about love/romance. Sigh

#8-16-21

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