Oct 10, 2012
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Back View 9/8/12
day 202: what did you do last saturday?
I went to FSU with some people from band and I saw my sister and brother. We watched the band practice but then the half-time show was rained out. We all ran for cover under the stadium, where we played 'Big Booty', which is totally fun.
bonne chance, mon coeur.
black and white shades of grey silhouettes as a shadow in the night i whisper "je t'aime."
Debut Practice + After
The ChaCha is... unspeakably beyond fun
Ordered Tacos in Spanish from JackInTheBahxxx
Holy mound of 36 tacos
Hummer that stranger's Mario ringtone and continuing
4 guys hiding in Ria's closet from her dad who just came home
Running across the fucking street in just socks
PWNing on Suncoast Initial D
GANGNAM STYLE WAS ON THE RADIO
Reasons it's reasonable to see Hannah.
We’ve been together for over a year.
It’s not going to go away
You wouldn’t talk to someone 24/7, give thoughtful gifts, trust enough to cry to, deal without physically being together, deal with parents, deal with ME, if you didn’t legitimately care.Obviously not a bad person
- Willing to spend time with parents
Willing to have mom meet parents
- “Creeps” don’t do that!
3. Kills her that parents will never approve of her, but she tries to understand why, doesn’t speak badly of them for it for anything else
4. Supportive, takes the good and the bad
5. No only about 45 minutes away, so it’s not as big of a distance
6. Should be able to see who I want when they pose no threat whatsoever
7. It’s going to happen anyways
8. Breaks my heart that I can’t see her
9. It’s my life, and I think I should be able to decide on who I do and do not date; let me make my own “terrible mistakes.”
10. Doesn’t make them bad parents, makes them caring parents
11. Makes me resent them that they won’t even give it, her, a chance
12. Christians aren’t supposed to judge, but they’re doing so much that I’m not even allowed to bring it up
13. I don’t need their help to see her, wouldn’t even have to use the car
14. It would break my heart, but they don’t even have to see her if that would make it easier on them
15. I don’t need their permission to do this, I WANT it, and Hannah respects that, and wants it, too.
16. If we met at a place like the fair, it’d be public and of course I would always be with like, Krista and Alex or something to make mom and dad more comfortable, since I know they wouldn’t want to stick around, if they came at all, which I understand if they don’t.
17. If you look back on the year, I’ve been a much better person than in previous times, and Hannah can be credited for a chuck of that; she’s a genuinely good person.
18. Wouldn’t change my grades, considering I still wouldn’t see her very often, just more than nothing / Bre and Linds dated junior year and they were fine, even with Pete and AJ over all the time.
- I’m not asking for that; I’m asking for not even once a month.
19. Nick can have a relationship they don’t approve of. I’m older and can’t. Plus, they’ll never approve they say, so it’s not even like they’re just waiting something out. It’s never going to change and that’s not fair of them. I can’t help it, and should be allowed to freely be who I am, and be allowed to be with who I want.
20. I love them, and they need to love me. This isn’t a joke to me, and I don’t want to deal with this anymore. It’s wearing me down more every day, pushing me towards just shutting them out for good. They don’t realize how much they’re hurting me.
21. I just want one change to prove that this won’t “ruin” me; that it’s actually okay.
22. No real reason I shouldn’t see her.
23. Can’t force religious views on me. I don’t think that’s what Jesus or God meant. Guide me, don’t oppress me.
24. Honey has met both Hannah and her mom by chance at the airport, so obviously she’s actually real and so is her mom and they’re not crazy people; they have emotions, too, and rejection hurts.
to the sun and back at half the speed of light my thoughts are rushing away from me.
list upon list of things to do and not nearly enough time
i struggle to keep up.
I haven't felt this greatly defeated in a long time. No one ever wins when we actually say "goodnight" and mean it like we're seriously going to sleep. No one, ever. Fighting is exhausting. Even though I never even had to open my mouth, just the process of stretching emotions into words and making sense of what the other is saying is brutal. This aftermath is terrible, too. Its when everything is just finally collapsed, and when the tears start. Its easy during, you just try so hard to get your point across that you don't think of the consequences. I know its worth this. Its worth even more than this. It just hurts, and then on top of that, hurts knowing it probably hurts her, too. I wish I could understand how and why these things escalate. Maybe then I could save us from ourselves. Its all just a side effect of caring too much. Ineedhertolovemeforevernotgetangrywithmeorsadwithmeorupsetwithmebutidontknowhowtofixanythingandijusthopethisdoesntbreaklikeitdidbefore,god,pleasedontletitgetthatbadagain,i'ddoanythingtokeepthatfromhappening.