#9.29.21

[justwrestlinggifs]

CM Punk teasing the stage dive in Rochester: AEW Dynamite, September 29, 2021

[eleanorcalderfashionarchive]

SEA Layla Oversized Faux Shearling-Trimmed Quilted Washed-Cotton Jacket

— £530 / $495

Eleanor via her IG story • 9.29.2021

[brianajungwirthinstagram]

Briana followed these accounts | 9.29.2021

[batmads-ao3]

[myemotionsandstuff]

Haven’t really posted much on the last few days…

When I do post I just feel like I’m complaining and writing it down and that it’s all negative. I try to write down the good things but then I feel like I’m not living in the moment with those things by having to write them down. Idk. Journaling (?) is a strange thing and I’m still trying to understand it but I do want to keep at it.

Wife has been having some good days lately. Saw the dr and got some things changed which is good and I really hope it helps her. She has started trying to clean up her area in our room, between her stuff and the baby stuff it’s a lot but she’s doing great. Baby is a genius. She has been learning so many words. She has been eating off a plate without throwing the plate off her highchair much more which is just a giant plus. So it’s been a nice few days.

The thing that sucks right now is money and the lack of friendships. I have.. 2 people in my life that I think are my legitimate friends. Logan and Mouse.

Logan is usually busy and we used to play a lot of games together which hasn’t happened in monthsssss but we still talk pretty frequently but our talks haven’t been as deep as they used to be, maybe because we are farther apart and talk less, who knows.

Mouse has always been there for me and always will. No subject is off limits. They just get me on the strangest level. I think I miss the time of our close friendship and hanging out most of all, especially lately, but it was so amazing to be able to reach out to them and be on the same level instantly. I honestly think that they know me better than anyone else except wife.

Other than the two of them I don’t think I really have any friends. I saw a post on redit that said:

“I don't remember the precise definitions, basically there 3 kinds of friends.

1. ⁠Friends of Convenience - People who regularly have to be at the same place as you at the same time. i.e. Work friends.

2. ⁠Friends of Habit: People who enjoy the same hobbies or activities as you. Gym buddies, bar buddies, etc.

3. ⁠Actual Friends: People who you like and who like you back, and more importantly will seek out your company even if they have to go out of their way to do so.”

Going by these three definitions, I have two friends in the world out of all 3 categories and they both are under #3. I wouldn’t consider anyone that I work with even Friends of Convenience yet. I mean I started here about two months ago but still. I have absolutely no Friends of Habit because I don’t even kind of have the time to have hobbies or do activities enough to meet people. And Actual Friends.. between moving, covid, and having a baby everyone else in my life would have been sorted into one of the first two categories, if they were still around at all.

So coming to that realization has been pretty difficult for me today and probably in the recent past too, with having no one to talk/vent to.

Oh well, back to work I go. Improvise, adapt, overcome. Or something like that idk I’m not a marine.

[honeysuckle-me]

We don’t communicate well. I don’t know how to talk to him about this.

I’m feeling low. I’m feeling a weight on my chest, a lump in my throat and I’m constantly fighting back tears when he’s just on the other side of the couch.

He’s always on his phone. We don’t have sex. He had someone else over while i was out of town.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I feel like somethings is wrong deep down. Something is not right.

[itsawildwordxoxo]

It makes me sad when people I care for make excuses for the poor treatment they endure. Like, how can you not see that excusing behavior in one area leads to excuses in other areas. The underlying theme is the person doesn’t want to be held accountable. How can you not see that?! When you’re in deep denial, it’s like convincing yourself the junk food you’re eating is nutritious. It’s not. And you know it because of how terrible it makes you feel after a while.

Gosh, it’s hard living in an environment that lacks so much self awareness. Lord, give me a way out. A way out that will make me feel free. Please.

[purenumbers]

9/29/21

9 * 2 / 9 = 2 * 1

Also:

√9 * 2 = 9 - 2 - 1

Also:

√9 + 2 = (√9)! - 2 + 1