11"Can you not see that I love you? That I've always loved you?" With Lea schuller
my tears ricochet. (prompts 4 & 11, lea schüller)
it is to a particular german forward sitting on your doorstep that you come home to.
she’s hunched over and you wouldn’t have known that she is actually pretty tall, have you not known her for years.
‘lea?’ you ask in alarm.
the night is cold and your first instinct is to check if she is dressed in enough layers.
she isn’t.
her cheeks and lips are white from the low temperature.
‘lea?’ you repeat again, with significantly more worry.
the blonde lifts her head up, giving you the chance to properly look at her.
her red and swollen eyes do nothing to assuage your fears.
‘why am i not enough?’ she barely audibly whispers.
‘you’ve always been enough schülli…what are you talking about?’
lea forces a laugh.
‘how was your date then?’
‘it went well. lea what’s going on? you’re scaring me.’ you say, bending down so that you’re at her eye level.
now that you’re closer to her, you can smell the alcohol on her breath.
the fact that she’s clearly intoxicated, two days before a game has your anxiety level rising sky high.
this is so completely unlike her that you’re almost floored.
‘you’ve been drinking. schülli what’s wrong?’ you almost demand, in your rush to find out what has made her so different to her usual self.
lea stands up suddenly.
her blue eyes well with tears and she angrily spits, ‘what is so fucking unattractive about me that you refuse to see me?’
you frown, quickly reaching a hand out to grab her forearm because you’re afraid that she might fall, given her current state.
‘don’t touch me!’ the bayern munich player snaps, pushing you away.
she stumbles and you only tighten your grip on her.
‘schülli let’s go inside.’ you try to suggest but lea isn’t having any of it.
she makes a frustrated noise, forcefully twisting herself out of your hold.
‘can you not see that i love you? that i’ve always loved you?’
you gasp and lea sobs.
‘why is it that you insist on going on date after date even though you know it’s breaking my heart. i’m in love with you but you don’t even see me.’ her words are slightly slurred but there is no mishearing them.
‘lea…you’re not thinking right. you’re drunk.’ you murmur.
your chest tightens at the heartbreak on the blonde’s face.
her confession is making you feel all sorts of things but in this moment, all you care about is her wellbeing.
lea’s obviously intoxicated and definitely not dressed for how cold the weather is.
‘what’s that they say about drunk words being sober thoughts? i love you. that’s real. how can you not understand how much i love you?’ she insists.
‘lea.’ you pull her back into your grasp and she listlessly gives in.
there’s none of her previous fight and she goes with you into your house, without any further prompting.
gently leading her by the hand, you guide her into your bedroom and sit her down on your bed.
‘always wanted to sleep here with you. always just wanted to be close to you.’ she mumbles sadly as she looks around, recognising her surroundings.
‘schülli.’ you softly say, your heart cracking further.
prior to the last fifteen minutes, you have had no idea that she feels this deeply for you, or even at all.
there’s still salty tears sliding down her cheeks so you carefully brush them away.
lea’s eyes flutter close and she leans into your touch.
you can’t help but caress her cheek for a moment longer.
‘go to sleep. i’ll be here in the morning and we’ll talk then okay?’
‘i’m gonna be so mad at me in the morning.’ she whispers.
lea scoots under the covers, her blonde hair spread all over your pillow.
now that she’s warmed up a bit, you can see how flushed her cheeks are.
it’s kinda cute, even with the current circumstances.
‘sleep lea.’
the blonde sniffles one more time and then begs, ‘stay. please. you’re going to hate me soon enough so please just…just give me tonight. please just let me love you tonight.’
‘i promise that i won’t. and i’ll stay lea. all you ever had to do is ask. all you’ll ever have to do is ask.’
kicking off your shoes, you slide in beside her. your inappropriate sleep attire be damned.
the blonde curls herself into you immediately, tucking her face into your neck.
her tears flow steadily and you wrap your arms tightly around her.
‘don’t cry schülli. there’ll be no more dates for me i swear. just you. only ever you from now on.’
lea shakes in your grip.
‘please be real. please be real. i don’t want to wake up and have this all be my imagination. i can’t live with that.’ she repeats over and over again.
her desperation is evident and you scramble to assure her.
‘i promise that this isn’t in your head lea. i love you too and i only went on dates to try to move on from you. i’m so sorry that i made you think i didn’t see you before, i honestly never thought you would return my feelings.’
‘well i do.’ she fiercely states, glancing up from her previous position.
‘i know that now.’ you quietly confirm.
pressing your lips onto her forehead, you relax when you finally feel lea relax.
softly, you say, ‘i’ll tell you that i love you again in the morning, when i know for sure that you will remember.’
‘i’ll remember. how could i ever forget you?’ are the striker’s last words before she drifts off, clinging tightly to you.
