warnings: x reader, implied fem reader for most, (some) unhealthy relationship dynamics, nsfw mentions + weird stuff with barem idk how to tag that.
incl: aki, makima, katana, fumiko, quanxi, barem
aki:
he’s more of a shower guy, but not opposed to taking a hot bath every now and then. it’s good for the muscles. he’s not against taking showers with you because it’s “time efficient” and “saves on the water bill”, but a bath together would require the two gremlins he live with go stay with someone else for the night. even if nothing frisky is going on, it’s hard to relax with each other if there’s banging on the bathroom door or if aki has to go break up a brawl over the last piece of meat.
for showers, he typically goes cold and not more than 10, maybe 15 minutes. for you, he can do lukewarm. just please don’t set the water to scalding hot, otherwise he’ll be bunched up in the corner furthest from the water while handing you your shampoo.
makima:
a long day of work and an evening of corralling huskies around the house should always end in a warm bath. who better to share it with than a loved one? it was makima’s suggestion that you join her in the tub. she’s careful when washing your hair for you and she lets her hands linger across your shoulders on your collarbones.
she isn’t particularly talkative, baths like this are for unwinding and there isn’t anything you can tell her about your day that she doesn’t already know. she’ll be happy to listen to your version of events, but don’t expect much response. sometimes her thoughts drift elsewhere, and if she’s up for it, she might let you wash her hair in return. reciprocity is fair and good.
she likes to have you use her products, though she won’t demand it. just suggest it, when yours are running low. your scent being mingled with hers is one thing, and it’s only natural since you two spend so much time together… but having you smell like her, your hair and your skin, it makes her happy. look here, this one is mine. that’s what she’s thinking.
katana man:
another shower guy. baths are for long days or when he can’t be bothered to do anything but sit there wallowing in the past. his routine is minimal, as far as he doesn’t smell he considers in a job well done.
if you two got in the bath together, it’d be at your insistence and not his. why do you want to get in there with him anyway? the tub is too small for more than one person, and he already takes up a lot of room. plus he likes his water boiling hot—you’re okay with that? he was lying, he likes it cold. freeze your tits off cold. get out of here already.
this scene from Buffalo 66 comes to mind
he isn’t used to relationships that don’t involve money exchanging hands, so any form of willing intimacy is a little bizarre for him. he can tolerate it to a certain extent, when it’s practically stroking his ego. of course you’re all over him, why wouldn’t you be? getting naked outside of the context of sex and taking a bath together is perhaps toeing the line, maybe stepping right across it. but if you’re already in with him, he won’t take any measures to run you off.
fumiko mifune:
get in, get in, get in getingetingetin pleaaaase get in the tub with her. make this girl happy. aside from her insistence that you two should totally bathe together, because that’s what couples do, she’s surprisingly normal. for fumiko standards, anyway. she’s a big fan of bubbles and will mess up your hair just to get soapy bubbles in it. It’s less of a bath and more of her sloshing water around to jump on you and poke at all your squishy parts. bad girl.
sometimes she purposefully does a bad job cleaning up so you’ll do it for her.
quanxi:
baths are typically for foreplay when it comes to her. a practical woman prefers showers if all she’s doing is getting clean. whether her girls join in on the fun or not depends on how tired they are + if she locked the bathroom door. if she did leave it locked, they’re left to press their ears to the wood and visualize what’s going on.
she prefers hot baths, and there’s typically candles involved. lit against the edge of the tub and on the counter, your back to her chest. it makes for a good scene, right?
barem:
this man purposefully tries to get soap in your eyes, just to get a reaction. sometimes he switches the water from scalding to freezing to mess with you. to be clear, he’s not in the bath with you. he’s outside, sleeves rolled to his elbows and hair pulled back while he bathes you like a dog. he hoses you down with the detachable shower head.
additional notes: he either has you use his products or if you’re lucky to get your own, it’s the same brand and scent makima used. if there isn’t enough time to dedicate to a bath, barem is fine with hopping in the shower behind you. shower sex is almost always an option (more like looming threat). barem makes a show out of sniffing your hair when he’s done with you, too. you start to think that he wants you to be creeped out.
not getting his own section but a little sentence dedicated to spear hybrid: he’s normal as far as baths go. he uses lavender and chamomile soap and 2-1 shampoo and conditioner. if you use more than two products he might comment on it and call it frivolous.
well, you’re not her handsome knight in gory black armor, but you’ll do for the holiday.
in the movies, the lead couple always goes for a romantic dinner. there’s candles, and roses, and a perfect view of Tokyo at night. she’s barely touched her wine, listening to you talk on and on with a dreamy, far-away look in her eye. as if she’s imagining someone else in your place. tall, dark, handsome, has four arms…
oh, you stopped talking. right, she needs to respond. hm, ah… could you repeat that?
on a realer note, i don’t think she’s a bad or absent girlfriend on the surface. as much as she’d like to act out her favorite movie scenes, ideally she’d stay at home with you. in bed, curled up and listening to your heartbeat. but she’s already planned this night to a T, and she wants her movie-like date, damn it.
angel devil:
he’ll get two icecream cones. one for him, one for you. free of charge. he doesn’t have the energy to do much else. not for lack of care or love, it’s just… wouldn’t you rather stay at home? and catch that special that’s supposed to air later tonight? let’s order in a pizza and some desserts. going outside is a total chore.
katana man:
…I don’t think the problem is that katana man is bad at romance—it’s that he’s actively anti-romantic any chance he gets. If, for some reason, he does buy you flowers, it’s a show of wealth and capability rather than any affection tied to it.
If you really want to do something for him, he won’t discourage it, but he’ll make it clear that you shouldn’t expect anything in return. get him a card, and he’ll leave in the bottom drawer of his nightstand. sometimes he reads it, after you’ve inevitably dumped him for a guy that doesn’t have loose screws.
post break up, if anyone asks, there’s a 50/50 chance that he refers to you as a “heartless, conniving whore that was only after his money” or he implies that you two are still together and just going through a rough patch. you’ll come back eventually. hopefully. probably not. please?
barem:
he gives you makima’s clothes and makes you eat a candle lit dinner with him. in her clothes. at his house. you can’t remember the last time he let you outside. he’ll humor you and acknowledge it if you’re uncomfortable, but you will finish that steak he worked so hard to make. he fucked up the first two steaks bad enough that it almost ruined the night.
if he’s still in the “I’m a normal person who simply found salvation in Chainsaw Man” shtick, he might be a lot more normal and closer to how Aki would spend Valentine’s Day. Definitely makes a show of it, though… isn’t he so kind?
kishibe:
he’s not one for celebrations and big shows. dinner that’s nicer than usual and good wine are his go-to. maybe you two can stop at a karaoke joint if you’re so inclined.
he’s hesitant to share the holiday with you, even if you two don’t do anything big. he’s so used to having people die on him that he thinks he’s jinxing you by allowing himself to have a relationship. well, you’ve lasted this long, and he doesn’t have a lot of time to waste himself.
yoru:
that sushi place that you really love, but you’ve always held back on due to the prices? she blew it up for you. and killed everyone inside. now it’s a free-for-all buffet!
you just sit there and don’t move—Don’t fucking move, she just told you, and let her handle all the food. isnt this what you wanted? you don’t even have to pay for any of this! why don’t you look happy? isn’t she entertaining you enough? look, the chef got his lower half torn off. isn’t that funny?
this is terrible. you and your stupid human holidays. fuck you and fuck valentines day, she’s beat you in terms of gifts anyway. she got you the whole sushi joint to yourself and you’re complaining because someone’s finger is in your roll? well… just let her take the finger out. god, you’re so picky. did you even get her anything? no, of course you didn’t, you humans and your simple minds—
you got her flowers? and they got destroyed in her explosion of the sushi place? oh. uh. whoops.
What do you think would be csm characters’ love languages I feel like they’d all vary in various degrees of fucked up
I might into more in depth about this another time but here are my quick thoughts:
cw: unhealthy dynamics for some (most) ((all)) of these
makima craves true, quality time. she wants someone she can eat dinner with and go on walks with. unfortunately she is Japan’s most performative woman. she knows all the typical romantic things to do, she knows how all the female leads act in her favorite movies and she knows how to set things up for an ideal night. unless she’s your first lover or she’s had to use her control on you, things can ring a little hollow or fall flat. (think her attempt at smoking).
katana man is a little tricky because i don’t think he believes in the concept of “love”. not in the romantic sense, at least. unless it’s family, relationships seem to be very transactional for him or are a “i have to work with you, so ill tolerate you” type of deal. i think he’d appreciate someone who can deal with his … feelings, while also not being a total doormat. tbf he’s not very good relationship material to start with.
side note if you asked, he’d say he prefers physical touch as in he prefers sex as in that’s just how he copes with anything and everything. sex.
barem is also a big enjoyer of quality time. words of affirmation mean nothing to him, anyone can lie and say what they think the other person wants to hear. physical touch, while he won’t push you away, also isn’t super big for him. he enjoys seeing you trip over yourself to try and get on his good side, though.
fumiko is also a fan of spending time together and talking. she doesn’t have the patience for long walks on the beach, short activities that are bursts of energy are great (karaoke, festival w lots of things to do, anything that gets the adrenaline pumping). because she can’t really have sex with you (or, well, she likes you just enough to keep you around), anything that can stimulate that feeling or replicate the same amount of excitement works for her. her closest confidant is herself, so having someone she can share her feelings with that isn’t herself is also a big bonus.
she likes to keep pieces of you, too. nail clippings, split ends that you trimmed off, bandaids, eyelashes, etc. if you ever tried to leave her, she might try to turn you into a clone :/
the only reason none of the phantom troupe (especially phinks) asks for Paku to adjust your memories and take out any unsavory ones is mostly because of shame. Chrollo isn’t above it, but was turned down. Phinks would do it if her nen ability didn’t allow her to read your memories. Too much of a risk for humiliation.
as much as makima craves connection and love I do think she is doomed in any relationship she gets into with a human person. evil public safety higher ups aside, I think she sees herself as so far above them and as if she fundementally cannot connect in the same way they can that it all falls apart eventually
came across a post of yours about the makima-barem-you evil throuple and its made me very curious. literally nightmare blunt rotation scenario (except you're the blunt?) but it does beg the question what sort of person would end up in a position like that and not wind up killed by either of them in under a month. it would need to be someone either pleasant or interesting enough for makima to keep around that can somehow either avoid barem's wrath for essentially cucking him... or endear themselves to him, which would be arguably worse
well well!
I shall have you know that I stewed on this ask for multiple days trying to articulate my thoughts. Hopefully this does it justice:
what kind of person would attract makima's attention? is the relationship one of equal terms or is it a master-pet dynamic?
Before I clarify the potential terms of your and Makima's relationship, let it be known that Barem doesn't take you seriously*. You're a frivolous plaything in his eyes.
*I think he would be more threatened by a man who has Makima’s heart, so to speak. Lots more resentment there since that’s really driving home the cuck themes and such. However, a woman being the one to capture Makima’s eye is a little different. Barem reads to me as a benevolent misogynist (? Or just plain misogynist at times. Who knows). Point is, he doesn’t take a relationship between women too seriously and is more willing to be partial towards you. Best case scenario is that he considers you a potential third.
To be fair, he isn't exactly wrong. Everyone has their higher-ups, and if they sniff out that the head of experimental division 4 is being partial to one employee... well, Makima's access to you hinges on the success of this experimental division and how well she plays along with Public Safety.
Of course, her one true love that is destined in this world is Pochita, and while she figures out how to free him from his flesh prison known as "Denji", you're a good companion. No substitute, of course. Makima desires connection, so a shared interest and agreeable temperament might be what draws her to you. That is, don't be like Denji.
(But also, don't be so serious that you remind her of those managers of hers).
Where Barem fits into all of this... there isn't much about their relationship in the manga other than Barem feels as though Makima still owns his heart. Whether he even meant this romantically, who knows. Makima might have been more partial to Barem over the other hybrids*, she probably wasn't cozying up to him or revealing her true feelings.
*I have a long-standing headcanon that her favorite among the hybrids was Katana Man, only because he also hated Denji for mostly the same reasons she did. hee hee hee.
I don't think there's ever a true throuple, just Barem third-wheeling occasionally and Makima allowing it. She trusts him to spend time with you. He squeezes himself in where he can, and he (kind of) tries to see what she sees in you once he realizes that you won't be going away anytime soon. He can't understand why Makima would pick you (human) as her confidant over him (devil). Shouldn't there already be that mutual trust and built-in connection with him and Makima?
Barem fundamentally misunderstands Makima; therefore, he misunderstands your relationship with her. He can insert himself on outings that you two take; he can "help" you watch the dogs whenever Makima goes on a business trip, and he can also shoo you away when he's trying to get some alone time with Makima.
Whether Barem sees you as a roadblock or a bonus depends on a lot of factors. He does try to be amicable, just to not look bad in front of Makima (and so maybe you'll put a good word in for him). When he thinks about it, perhaps having you stick around isn't that bad. You guys can be like a family: a husband, his wife, and their pet-human-third-thing. Besides, you don't shed fur or bark and growl at him every time he comes by. Much better than those dogs.
I will say he is more receptive to someone more submissive taking the role of the family pet. He's not above "helping" you learn your place (when Makima isn't around), but, you know.
Post-Makima death.
There is a non-zero chance that you're handed off to Barem anyway. I stand by the notion that PS and the Chainsaw Man Church were in kahoots and that Barem was still working with them this whole time. Besides, what else are they going to do with you? Your handler (Makima) is gone, and you probably know too much for them to let you go on your merry way.
Sure, you could go "live a normal life," but PS would always have their eyes on you. Besides, Barem's a good worker. They trust him enough with you; one less assignment on their desk.
Without Makima there as a buffer, Barem's free to do whatever he wants with you. Ranges from being a halfway decent boyfriend, projecting Makima onto you, possibly blaming you for her death, dressing you up in her clothes, etc.
If you, somehow, are able to convince Barem that you really do like him, he'll go easy on you. In his mind, it's still a one-sided relationship where you're hopelessly reliant on him and not one where he's clinging to whatever's left of Makima.
accompanying makima while she’s walking her dogs. you wander off a little bit to check out a food stand and she’s clicking her tongue going “come on, this way.” she just barely manages to play it off like she was talking to one of her dogs and not you.
