Shadow Work:Candii pt.1
So, i will share my experiences in shadow work in random things. This one is something i thought i have been past, nope! This shadow went from my 5'5 self to being 10ft tall.
So how did i first handle this, big ass, nasty smelling, shadow that i thought was gone to making my astral home feel icky, made my physical home feel icky. Full honesty? I hit it. I decked this shadow hard and was pissed.
I worked through this... so I thought. Instead, i hid it, and didnt realize it. I was pissed at myself, why hide and make believe i got rid of this shadow, this negitivity. The shadow? Hit me back, i saw stars. My next option? Show it double the stars it showed me. This went on for a few hours, just fighting this shadow. Before my loving spirit family were like woah! Not the way to handle this. 😂
Next step, was confrontation. And i was scared. I mean this shadow was "gone" and here it stood before me, bigger then before. The shadow made me feel sick to my tummy and i was so mad that i hid it. The thing of shadow work, is only you can beat that shadow. Just. You.
So i rose to the challenge. This shadow wasnt going to be pummeled away, doesnt work like that. I have to heal from it, let it fade away. So it dug deep, deep down. And it found all my weaknesses, it knows them as i do. And it threw mud at me. It wants to stay, i wasnt letting it. So, i kept my cool as it threw the mud, let it roll off me. And unraveled it. This shadow, one of my greatest challenges.
Why?
This shadow was, my father's backward logic. This shadow was the anger at him for not being a father, not being around, caring about drugs and a quick buck verses his children. My hatred of him, and how i can see features of him in myself as i look in the mirror. Your kids go first is what my mom taught me. But his logic of discard anyone who didnt fuel his pocket, that was me. I had to earn his love, and earning his love was never possible. I thought i handled this shadow years ago. Nope, hid it.
Here is the progress though. I went from hating him, to very strongly disliking him. And that shadow will be dealt woth as well, until i am at neutral terms with him. He doesnt deserve my hate, my dislikement. It isnt hurting him. Its hurting me. My growth as a person. My growth on my path. So hate and that big negitivity that has been lurking in my shadow, gone. And a big weight has been lifted.
If you dont break down that shadow, it hurts those you love. Remember your shadow work.
~A shadow lighter Candii~