i miss doing fanart and silly memes so much guys............ i'm so exhausted from irl stuff these days that even scrolling my dash feels like a chore 😭
Once again reminded my brain works like a fucking dog's
I'm having separation anxiety AGAIN
And it's only the beginning. Like. I'll get him back tomorrow and then he's leaving for longer yet on Wednesday. And this on and off for weeks.
That means I won't be able to sleep properly, or work properly, or do my chores properly (rather: worse than usual. I'm not doing any of that properly even when he's there, I never could), or do anything, for weeks. And I hate that I finally got a grasp on it and I hate that he knows that too and I hate that I can't do shit about it even if it's OBVIOUS
But yeah I'm a perfectly functional adult, yeah, why bother trying to get a diagnosis, uh? You got a PhD after all that means you're functional - thanks, shitty therapist I paid 60€/h monthly for two years. Damn useful. She really did say that by the way. Multiple times.
I should sleep. Wish I could have a good cry but I can't even seem to manage that. Urgh.
i just wanna start this with a note that i don't go here ( read: i lurk in the back of the class but don't participate, usually getting others (@lionheartedmusings) to share my answers for me ) but i've got thoughts and feelings about how things were going before i stopped watching last night. ( this got long so i tossed in a read more )
obligatory note that even if i don't add a q! i am entirely talking about characters here, not the creators.
q!bad is being accused of so much - some of which he is doing, sure, but honestly it feels a bit rich coming from most people on the server. some are newer and only have whatever people have told them to go off of, so i can understand their view to an extent, but there are others that have been here long enough to know different. to know bbh, to know the others, to know how the island is.
bagi saying bad is becoming evil - is he? outside of the fact that he's a demon of some sort and i think applying the human/mortal concepts of good/evil to beings that are not human/mortal doesn't work, what about how bad has been is evil?
telling her he was going to eat her pets? he wouldn't, and if he did accidentally kill one of her pets he would've felt guilty and replaced it asap. it was a terrible joke, but i think it's important consider bad's humor with his other friends - because he did come to think of bagi as a friend. if he'd said that to baghera, or foolish, or forever, or any number of other people, they would have known he wouldn't actually. they might have taunted him with a "oh yeah? do it", or showed up to punch him a time or two - but at most he would've put the pet in a cage and hid it away and giggled while searching his backpacks so he could give it back.
leaving mines in federation and public spaces? lets ignore the fact that he's trying to get the federation's attention. he isn't putting them in player bases, at least not in any way that would do damage to those bases ( he dug down and used the ghost blocks, yes, but from what i've seen he's only done that in spaces that wouldn't screw up builds ), with the exception of quackity's ( which i think he put down prior to this whole mess, if i'm remembering correctly ). even then... he is far from the first person on the server to put the mines everywhere, and i only vaguely remember at this point, but i don't think most people have been as careful with their use of them. plus... maybe i'm wrong, but i feel like he's only doing it because the eggs aren't here. i wouldn't be surprised if he went through and cleaned up as much as he could as soon as the kids come home.
stealing, or "liberating" furniture? this isn't a new behavior, and more recently when i've seen him pick something up, he just ends up putting it right back down. it was a fun little game, a little habit that was annoying but overall didn't hurt people. i even remember there being a little game of it between him and cellbit, a back and forth that might have been annoying but read as affection.
does any of that make him evil? because if it does, i think we may as well just mark down everyone on the island as being evil.
next up we have the kidnapping stuff. did he kidnap a worker? sure, but the only one that knows that is baghera. the others have no evidence, and are speculating, and most are just getting that information from tubbo. (for this we're gonna ignore that the evidence tubbo found was pretty clearly meant more for bad to find, because that doesn't matter anymore unless they force a retcon which i don't see them doing.)
• bad has, on a few different occasions, imprisoned people :
- usually foolish, in those little cage traps - just a silly game between two ancient non-human creatures, a back and forth that no one seems to understand when they try to explain it. its a game, just like the fish slapping or inviting people to live in the dragon.
• with cellbit and phil (with tubbo as an audience), caging forever and pac was done to save them. they were caged, and downed, so they could have their pockets cleared and then they could begin the detox to get them off the drugs the federation had them on. they were worried for their friends and were willing to go to extremes to save them.
• ron. ron, who bad has had for ages at this point. he tortured him once and felt bad for it and hasn't done it again, as far as we know. he healed him up. bad gave him his name, if i remember correctly. he has come to care for ron, has given him as nice a cell as he can - nicer than the federation would have given them, if i had to guess. ron who, in some twisted reverse-stockholm syndrome moment, bad has come to think of as part of his family. he is using ron, and keeping him captive, but i fully trust him to find a way to let him go safely, and probably even get him set up somewhere.
one of those is pretty clearly wrong by the standards most people have, but he's already expressed he's willing to do whatever it takes to get his kids back. everyone is always ready to destroy the federation without a thought, without thinking about the details ( are any of the workers (canonically) in the buildings they're fucking with? are the workers going to get in trouble and punished for the things the residents are doing (look at walter bob, who was punished for looking different after mike's haircut, or when he was being kind/helping them in the prison)? are the workers the ones that are going to have to clean up the mess they make (the federation probably could've done it in a snap, but still sent workers to remove the cobble after the lavacast that fit/phil/tubbo did)?
so bad, from all of that, is evil and a problem and all that, right? what if we look at the things the others have done, or planned to do:
• that lavacast we mentioned up there? not end of the world, but the server is pretty quick to grief, especially to get attention. the melons in the church, the mines everywhere, the drills that were nerfed at least partially because people kept using them to break into federation buildings? most people on the island can be lumped in on this one.
• the mines, by the way, that not only destroyed land and builds but downed (killed?) players? could've easily killed the eggs?
• forever's plan from ages ago, in which he intended to kidnap philza and annoy (torture) him until he loved him back.
• foolish taking pac & mike directly to cucurucho to be arrested, happily willing to arrest anyone else.
• cellbit killing abueloier, straight up murdering the man. for what... saying he was gonna tell roier not to marry him?
• quackity/elquackity? kidnapping - even if you don't count richas (who was still 1% his son), he kidnapped and threatened dapper and had tried repeatedly to take tallulah. constantly threatened the eggs, had plans to kill them various times.
but most of them aren't evil, right? sure they did bad things, but they're not evil?
i don't know, i simply think things on the island are too grey to use black and white words like "good" and "evil".
....also real tired of people saying bad is grieving his 'son' as if he doesn't also have pomme, as if he didn't love all of the other eggs like his own. he spent so much time with the kids. gave them so many resources, and was so quick to help them however he could - to give them any number of things they asked for. but now they're gone and he's lost, and his moral compass (dapper & pomme) is gone.
he's not bending over backwards to help people - he's playing the same games the others were playing in the beginning... and people are so quick to decide he's the problem.
because they care.
they're breaking into his house and ignoring the sign (which tubbo read out loud to phil and forever, which i'll give them that maybe they didn't know that was the direction forever went? because tubbo and phil went back to spawn briefly, but context clues should've told them.). they sneak around instead of talking to him.
because they care.
telling others and not needing proof to believe what's said. they know him, and the report tubbo's talking about doesn't sound too much like the bbh they know, but it makes sense.
because they care.
they refuse to believe him. because yeah, he lies a lot. sure he's been one of the most reliable people on the island, and even when he does lie it's usually harmless and playful. and sure when he does have something he might play for a few minutes but usually gives it back. but this time they don't believe him.
