#a4a dating

[templeofshame]

Ok I've tried dating and not dating and they both suck, can I unlock the secret third thing now? But not if it's situationships, I have also tried that and it also sucks

[templeofshame]

sometimes, when I'm considering whether something is ambiguously a date or not, I think about how it would feel if a man had initiated it. And it leads me to conclude that yeah the first hike from a dating app was probably a date but that's fine. But for people you know, I feel like it doesn't help? I guess like, if a man I am just meeting asked for my number that would feel loaded, but literally that has only ever happened as street harassment, and women have initiated exchange of numbers when they're happily married and very clearly not getting at anything.

tldr, I feel like if a man I used to work with followed up on a conversation we had and was like let me know if you wanna do this activity sometime, and then when I did suggested getting coffee first, I would also not know if it's ambiguous or not, especially if i didn't know if he's interested in women or not

[templeofshame]

tbh im glad that i saw the tv glow grew on me a bit gradually because I was fascinated and moved watching it but i wasn't fully ready to get that into discussing it after. so i did my real processing and obsessing over it mostly through tumblr and only a little with my ex and the fact of that day being the high point of our relationship feels totally separate from the movie itself, which doesn't have to do with them. my relationship to the movie is mine, not about her

[templeofshame]

Tfw you agree to go see a horror movie because hey it's a date, you don't care about any movies currently in theatres, and horror movies are good for cuddling, right? And then it is in fact not really a horror movie but a visually beautiful, effectively nostalgic, strange and very queer movie, for which you are clearly the target audience except for being cis, and you just keep thinking about it

[templeofshame]

i think nb people should be able to message first on bumble? tbh i think men should too, why would being a woman mean i want the pressure of conversation-starting? should i only swipe on women so it's even. also i hate the time limit so i guess everything that sets bumble apart sucks. but Her is limited and not a great vibe, Taimi is Terrible, Feeld i literally couldn't get a single match, so that just leaves Hinge or i guess people do tinder?

Lex is hookups, yeah? I haven't tried it

[templeofshame]

i don't know what i should be learning from dating someone who was excited and fun and communicative for 2 months, talking about short-term future things, then gradually got more negative and less communicative but said we could see if things still work, then broke up with me and said they genuinely wanted to be friends since that was the foundation we built, then says we should stop contact after some superficial texting about media

Is dating just getting to know people you like and then discovering they either never existed or don't anymore

[templeofshame]

I think maybe I'm genuinely more boring until people give me some subconscious indication that I can be more fun? Idk like I am very open with people on the apps, but maybe more serious? Not like I don't make jokes, but maybe in a different way idk.

[templeofshame]

i feel like. way too much of the cultural idea of a happy and empowered post-breakup is rooted in appearance and desirability