#aaaaaaaaaaaangst

[icedhotkopi]

hehe angst

(no text + expression box under the cut)

[nelkitty]

I hate myself pretty intensely right now.

Not in an active, violent kind of way. Just is a slow disturbance kind of way, like disgust. An accepting kind of disgust. What an odd thing to feel.

There are parts of me I want to cut out, but I also... don’t. The cruelty in me, the rage, the sadism, the invasiveness, the desire to invade every edge and crack in the people I love to break them open and know them completely

The slow and gentle identity theft that is my existence

The grotesque in me defines me as much as the good and true. The light as much as the dark, the dark as much as the light. 

God, I hate myself. 

[materassassino]

I do love the idea of Coran being King Alfor’s lover, tbh.

Just... Coran being so utterly broken-hearted and working twice as hard to keep Allura safe because she’s like a daughter to him already, but also she’s the only person left who is not only Altean, but knew and loved Alfor as much as he did.

[inconclusionray]

...I might have just solved the last major plot problem on the longfic I’m working on? (and by I I definitely totally don’t mean @hereeatthiskitten fixed it for me) and now I only don’t know the resolution but probably they will tell me when we get there? 

[twitchytwitchtwitch]

I spent the last three days pretty much hanging out with Eliot. Which is kindof stupid, but kindof good. Because ya, I do some stupid things, and I feel like shit when I'm with him now, sometimes, but we talk a lot of things out. Which for me has been really helpful. I've learned and finally gotten it through my head that it's not because I get sad and dysphoric and whatever else, it's because I don't deal with it properly. Because I don't accept the help and advice I'm offered, and because, upon occasion, I just stuff it down and try and ignore it so I don't have to make the other poor sucker deal with it. Cause I'm fucking terrified of people leaving, still. And I need to get past that because yes, people are always going to leave. But good friends won't. And Eliot is a good friend so I need to stop being a paranoid ass and just. Chill. Ya.

And I'm fucking terrified still because school's starting still, so I've been crying about that, and I've been dysphoric as fuck. I spent two hours today not feeling like a boy at all. Which is just. Fuck. And I want to cut kindof just all the time and I hate myself and aaaaaaaaaaaangst.

I really do want to be better and get better at this. Because this all just sucks.

[paradoxi-kay]

Leaving for the train station pretty soon. ...I don't really want to go. But. /:

Hopefully I'll get some writing done. I want to finish the Tali fic that I keep promising to finish, at the very least.

Maybe figure out if I feel okay about writing Karin/Joker when the concept is really kind of messed-up and "boundaries? what are boundaries? what is a healthy doctor-patient relationship?"

But yeah.

See you in Oregon, Tumblr.

[dontmesswithnoheroin]

Oh how I love this.

You know, there's something so beautiful in stories complitely without happiness. Something so beautiful and thrilling, I love this. I feel so good when I feel miserable reading them. Angst is so much better than anything else. Like, really.

POINTLESS POST WAS POINTLESS. I LOVE ANGSTTTTT.