exile| aaron hotchner
summary| returning to her hometown, lehighton dawson's relationship with her unit chief gets revealed
"Are you being serious right now Aaron! I'm barely back on the team for a month and you're excluding me from cases?" I storm into the room as all eyes fall onto me, JJ was standing with the remote in hand reading the case information to the team while Garcia stumbles into the room behind me, failing her mission to make me late enough to miss the briefing. A mission which was set into motion upon the unit chief's request.
"I'm sorry sir, I tried-" "It's alright, Garcia."
After an abrupt resignation from the team about a year and a half ago, for reasons much unknown to my teammates, I decided to return to Quantico and the life... and people i left behind. Straight out of college, at the ripe age of 23, I joined the team of experienced profilers. Experienced as they were, however, none of them could profile me from the second I stepped into the BAU... and it was wonderful. Even with our rules about not profiling each other, we still do. And it can be suffocating, at least I can only imagine. We spend enough time with each other as a group that they do not need to know every single thing about me and my personal life. Hell my personal life could've costed me my job.
From Rossi to Derek, all the way to unit chief Aaron Hotcher, the people who knew me better than myself at times, could not read me even after working together for years. Unintimidating as I might look, stood at roughly 5'5 with long mousy brown hair and blue eyes, Derek would even admit to being scared of me in one way or another. Everyone on the team had met a case that shook them to their core and caused them trauma, expect me... besides the case that caused me to leave the team.
It was no secret I had a good relationship with our unit chief, it became no secret the moment I joined Rossi and Strauss in being the only people who call him by his first name and not his last.
My 'power' as Garcia puts it, comes in handy in many ways in the world of my job. Unsubs can't tell if you're lying and the team could never profile my relationship with Aaron Hotchner.
Looking at the screen, like most times, it's a line up of women. Around the same age group, red heads and brunettes. Snatching the closest file, in this case it happens to be Spencer's, my eyes scan over the case and they land on one specific detail... the location. "You've gotta be kidding me-" I scoff, throwing the case file back onto the table in front of Spencer. "There is a serial killer in my hometown, where MY FAMILY lives and you thought the best thing would be to keep it from me?" "It's considered a conflict on interest." Aaron Hotchner says lying straight threw his teeth. "You shouldn't be talking to me about conflicts of interest Aaron." A gasp filled the room at the knife I just turned in the side of Aaron Hotchner. I knew it hurt, but I didn't care. He was being ridiculous.
"Hotch, maybe Leighton's right." Derek spoke, seeing the tension fill between his boss and coworker. "Yeah, she could give us inside information. She knows the area well and the people." Emily now joined in on my side. Hotch stood shaking his head. "Aaron I don't care what you say, I'm going on this case with or without your permission- Wheels up in 30." I speak, disrespect filling my voice. If I was any other agent, Aaron would've yelled and suspended me in a heartbeat. But I wasn't any other agent. I'm Leighton Dawson and he can't handle loosing me again.
__
"You know, for there being a killer on the loose and our very own Lehighton Dawson being from Acosta, we really know nothing about this town." Derek slyly speaks, sliding himself into the seat across from me on the jet. Spencer next to me and JJ across from him. Rossi and Hotch were both sat across the isle from us and Emily on the couch behind us, who soon joined on the arm rest besides Derek. I shrug, only glancing up from the file for a moment before returning to it.
“What do you want to know? It’s like every other small town on the east coast.” “What a description, what kind of trauma did it cause you for you to be talking about it like that?” Emily was joking and I knew it but I couldn’t help the death glare that I shot her way. Maybe it was my look that made her regret saying it, or perhaps it was the even harder glare Hotch was sending her as well. “It was a joke.” Emily quickly clarified, I nod at her apologetically. “I’m sorry, it’s just, I don’t like it there. It’s that simple.” I didn’t even need to glance at Aaron to know what his facial expression was. His jaw was set tight. He and only he knew my story and they made him angry. Despite the worse conditions he was raised in, the fact that I had smaller burdens still bother him in a way I can’t understand.
__
“Are you doing okay?” Aaron suddenly appears at my side, I’m standing staring into the room where Chrissy Langdon’s parents and 3 sisters were sitting. Chrissy and I had graduated together, we were friends and worked together, however, we ended our high school experience on bad terms. JJ was speaking to them after I already had. They were a mess. It was horrible to watch. After three days of being in Acosta and no clues, leads or anything, this was not what the team needed. This is not what I needed. “This is honestly one of the worst days of my entire life.” Aaron side eyes me in that moment, he knows that this day does not remotely make it to the top 10 of my worst list, but he understands what I’m trying to say. I must have looked so defeated at that moment. “I told you, you should've come.” “You know, as a bitter teenager, I wished this girl dead so many times-” Aaron’s face drops at my sudden confession. “Hell, I wished myself dead so that she felt some type of pain, but I never actually meant that you know?” From a body jerk, I could tell, he was about to reach out and place a hand of comfort on my shoulder, but he stopped himself, he didn’t want to cross a line.
__
“We will find whoever did this Lehighton.” Derek’s voice pulled me back into the moment. All eyes of the team were staring me down in my chair at the table. The noise of the restaurant was all I could focus on. “Is it bad that I honestly don’t care at this moment. I have nothing left to feel anymore.” Little did the rest of the team know, right before leaving for dinner Emily had to come into my hotel room and pick my sobbing, hyperventilating body off of the floor. “You’re tired, we’re all tired. Something will come up, I can feel it.” JJ added, trying to give a glimpse of hope to our seemingly hopeless team. “Lehighton Dawson?” My head snaps at the voice, Sierra Deacon and Lillian Ross. 2 girls I met in high school and followed through with me to college and both ended back in Acosta working as river guides and park rangers in the surrounding area. “Holy cow!” I jumped at the sight of them, they were comforting in this situation. Sierra was also friends with Chirssy in high school, I really needed her at this moment. My moment of peace came to a close as I opened my eyes while in the middle of a 3 way hug with them and the other guides they came into the restaurant with came into view. Carson White, my first ex-boyfriend. The one who made me finally decide to leave this town and never look back. “Carson?” My body fell lump in their arms and they both let go and allowed me to step back, defensively. “Hey Lehighton, how the hell are ya?” He reached forward for a hug, and my body snapped stiff as he touched me. I vowed to never let this man ever touch me again. Before I could process, Aaron was at my side while Derek was at the other and bless him, Spencer stood behind me. “Aaron Hotcher, unit chief.” “What he means, we work with Lehighton at the FBI, Derek Morgan.” Derek steps in. “Nice to meet you- Didn’t know you made it to the FBI.” “Funny what you could learn if you don’t block people.” Sierra speaks under her breath and I can’t help but laugh very loudly at the uncomfortable situation. As my catch my breath, I could feel tears forming in my eyes, and Aaron’s hand on my back
__
I didn’t notice Aaron on the lobby couch when I ran from the hotel early that morning. It was misting and blurry, my glasses were not on and I didn’t want to see anything. I just wanted to run, run from this town, run from these people, run from the killer, run from the team, run from my past. I didn’t know where I was going, but I ran. I ran until it reached the graveyard on Flinton, there I slowed as I walked along the paths through the graves. It felt disrespectful to run here. Flinton was the road of my alma mater, the road of my grandparents place, and the road of Carson White’s parents house. As the rain picked up Aaron’s voice came from behind me, I didn’t jump. My subconscious must have known he was following me this whole time. “Lehighton, it’s pouring. Let’s go back.” “And what Aaron! Find absolutely nothing that will help us find Chrissy’s killer!” At Aaron’s face dropping when I turn around, it makes me aware of the fact that I was crying. How long have I been crying? “We will find the person who did it, Lehighton, I can promise you that. It’s a white male, between 25-35. He knows the area-” “Oh well that’s just great Aaron, fuck it could be anyone here. It could be Mo Jo from down the block, it could fucking be Carson White!” “Do you think Carson White could be a suspect in this case?” “I don’t fucking know Aaron! I don’t want anything to do with this case anymore! The things that I’ve lost here, the people I knew, it seems like they got me surrounded for miles and miles and I don’t want that! I left here and promised to never come back.” I feel my knees smack into the blacktop below me and Aaron’s arms are around me the next second. “It’s ok, let’s get you back to the hotel.”
__
“It was personal-” “What was personal?” The whole team turns to Aaron as he arrives late to the station that morning, Lehighton still nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Lehighton?” “Lehighton is off the case, now, what was personal.” He kept it short as he sat down. “Chrissy’s killing. It was definitely the same unsub, based on the MO but something about this murder was personal.” Aaron had a hard look on his face, like he had something to say but didn’t know if or how to say it. “What Hotch?” “Lehighton said something today, something about Carson White possibly being our guy.” “Her ex? Does she have anything to back it up?” “Wait, Lehighton and Chrissy went to high school together right?” “Right.” “And this kill was personal. One of the other women killed had any personal connection to Lehighton, until we showed up and suddenly someone she had personal connection to got murdered.” “Ok guys stop it, we have nothing connecting Carson White to the murders-” “You guys think Carson killed her?” The team jumps as the voice of Lehighton comes from the doorway. “Do you think Carson killed them?” “It doesn’t matter what I think Derek, it’s what the evidence says. We have nothing connecting him to the crimes.” “We need to know more about him but we don’t have enough to get a warrant for his house- Lehighton do you have anything about him in your childhood bedroom.” I nod, arms crossed loosely around me, I felt so uncomfortable in that moment. “It’s the same as when we broke up, I never came home again after that.” “JJ, Rossi go back to Chrissy’s crime scene, see if we missed anything. The rest of us are going to Lehighton’s home, we’re gonna learn about Carson White.” “Wait Hotch-” The team stops mid standing, “It’s almost the time school gets out, I need to go get my sister. I don’t want her just walking into a house full of FBI agents.” Aaron nodded, “Morgan, go with her.”
__
Lila Castello, my 16 year old half sister. The only good tie I have left to my family. Lila was born when I was 13, our oldest sister Aurora was 17 and a senior in high school. Once Aurora was out of the house, everything changed. My mother checked out. Lila’s father, my mother’s boyfriend, was not paternal in the slightest. Growing up, it was always Lila and I against the world. When I left for college, I was freshly 18 and Lila was barely 5. I had promised myself when I got on my own two feet I would get Lila out, but things haven’t exactly gone as planned. Undergrad, followed directly by grad school, followed directly by moving from PA to VA for a position in the FBI, Lila just didn’t fit into any of it. She didn’t take it personally, I know she doesn’t and that’s one of the reasons I love her so much. She understands why I do what I do.
“No fucking way!” The yell that bursts from Lila’s mouth when she spots me leaning against the SUV outside of the main doors of Acosta High is comical in itself, followed closely to how quickly she body slams me with a hug. Derek stood on the other side of the car, laughing, slowly making his way over to us as we rocked back and forth in each other's arms. “Happy to see me I guess.” “Are you kidding, you’re like a breath of fresh air in this shit town.” “I see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Morgan comments at Lila’s response to the town of Acosta. “Nope, the only difference is she gets the wonder gene of being a ginger.” Lila lightly pushes me at the comment and I can’t help but laugh. “Lila, this is SSe Derek Morgan, Morgan this is my little sister Lila.” “Do you guys have any leads on the Chrissy Langdon murder?” “Lila, be quiet, get in the car. I’ll explain.” Lila rolls her eyes, walking past us to get into the back seat of the SUV. Yes it was public knowledge that the FBI was here investigating but the last thing people need to know is that Lila is close to the investigation.
“So let me get this straight, the FBI is in our house, pulling apart your room because they think Carson may or may not be the killer?” Lila recaps, making sure she knows exactly what she’s about to walk into. “Basically, but you cannot and I mean it, cannot tell anyone what we are doing.” “Yes ma’am” she salutes from the back seat as we pull into the street parking of my childhood home. Derek could audibly hear a gasp when my eyes landed on the front door. “You okay Dawson?” “Yeah yeah, just go ahead without me. I’ll catch up.” Derek nods, removing himself from the car. Lila’s arms wrap around me from the back of the seat. “You got this.”
“Find any life changing information while we were gone?” It all looked so wrong, my current life, these agents, in my childhood bedroom. A life I left behind. If this would’ve happened as a teen, I would’ve screamed at the thought of people touching my personal belongings but it almost doesn’t feel real anymore. I’ve been so removed from that part of myself that it feels like a different person. “Besides from the fact that you were so incredibly close to being goth, not really no.” JJ joked, which was followed by me flipping her off jokingly. “Not as goth as Emily.” “Precisely why I said ‘so incredibly close’” “Everyone, I’d like to introduce you to my sister Lila. Lila these are SSA Emily Prentiss, Spencer Reid and our unit chief Aaron Hotchner.” Lila’s eyes land and stay on Spencer. “He’s cute.” The team laughs at her pointing Reid out as Reid blushes. “These pictures and such are giving some kind of indication of Carson but not much we can work with- What?” Aaron stops at my eyes growing wide when he sits himself on my bed. “Get off the bed.” “What?” “Get off the fucking bed Aaron and stop looking at pictures of him! All of you stop it!” I don’t know what came over me that second Aaron touched the bed, but I suddenly wanted them all out of my house and out of my past life. I stormed from the room without another word, I couldn’t stand looking at it any longer. “She has a weird thing about that bed.” Lila tries to explain as she exits.
I can see Aaron’s shoes as he comes and leans on the table across from me as I lean on the kitchen counter. My head is in my hands as I try to calm myself from the blow up I just experienced. “I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me.” “It’s ok, your emotions are on high right now.” I shrug. “This probably isn’t fun for you either, looking through my past.” Aaron shook his head. “I know we have to but-” He pauses, wanting to choose his next words very carefully. “Sometime ago we made a deal-” “That we wouldn’t talk about our past unless the other openly wanted to talk to the other about it.” I finish his sentence and he smiles. That right there is what I miss. Aaron Hotchenr being a human. “Yeah, that.” “Trust me, I don’t like it that much either but if it helps… it’ll be worth it.” Lies. As Aaron goes to speak again, a sudden screaming from out the front door comes. Lila and a male voice, I recognize almost immediately. “No fucking way.” I mumble angrily under my breath, taking off in the direction of Lila’s voice, Aaron following closely on my tail. “Come on Lila, I just need a little more. I promise I’ll pay you back. I have a job coming up and it’ll be a lot of money.” Just as I thought, Lila’s father, begging his 16 year old for money. Pathetic. “Dad, I can't. I have insurance coming out this week-” “Lila please!” His hand made contact with her arm as she turned away and I lost it. “George get the fuck off my sister!” “Lehighton? What the fuck are you doing back here?” “Doing my god damn job, now let go of your damn kid.” I snip, pulling Lila from his grasp and placing her behind me. “Just cause you moved away, don't think you’re any better than me.” “Ha don’t make me laugh.” “You’re a fucking cunt just like your mother!” Once again, I don’t know what comes over me at that moment, but I’m flying at him, only being caught by Aaron’s arms around me. “Lehighton, it’s not worth it!” “Dad please just take it and leave.” Lila yells, throwing money at him from her pockets. “Stay the fuck away from my sister!” I yell as he hauls back into his pickup and drives off. Aaron held me back, whispering for me to calm down. Then I hear Lila crying, that calms me down real quick. “It’s ok, Lila. He’s just a deadbeat. You owe him nothing.” I try to hug her, but get forcefully pushed off in anger. “What the fuck Lila?” “Don’t what the fuck me? What the fuck you! So he’s the reason?” Lila points to Aaron and all the color drains from me. “What?” “He’s the reason you were never ready for me to come to Virginia right? You were too busy fucking around with your boss to have your little sister, right?” My jaw drops at her statement. “Lila, Aaron has nothing to do with that.” I whisper, not needing the other members to hear what Lila has found out in minutes of knowing Aaron. “Bullshit Lehighton! Is he the reason you left the FBI the first time? What, did you guys break up or something and you left? We were this close to getting me out and then you just up and left everything! Is he why?” “Lila, there is so much you don’t know about me leaving the FBI okay? But you cannot blame Aaron for any of it.” “Can you guys please just get out? Mom is going to be home soon. You two don’t need to see anything from each other.”
__
Sometimes, when memories of teendom and Carson come back, I wish I could get knocked in the head so hard I remember nothing. Nothing seems better than those memories sometimes. “Aaron?” I’m surprised when I open the hotel room door to find him standing there. “I-I wanted to check in and see how you’re holding up. I know things got a little heated today.” “Did Garcia find anything on Carson?” His face dropped at the mention of him. Towards the end of the day they found something that might link Carson to the murders. I don’t know what, I don’t want to know. But he didn’t come here to talk about Carson or the case, he came to talk about everything else. “Can I come in?” Without a word, I moved aside and let him into the hotel room, dangerous territory really. “Besides the fact that he’s done nothing besides have some minor marijuana charges, nothing.” “Do you think he might actually be a suspect?” “Honestly Lehighton, I don’t know.” A sign leaves my lungs at his confession of the unknown “Are you okay?” “I’m fine, Aaron.” “I just, I wanted to see if you needed to talk to someone.” I roll my eyes, shaking my head. “Trust me, I don’t. If I start talking, I’ll start crying and I’ve done too much of that since being here.” “There’s no shame in that, With everything that has happened in the past-” There it was, the before. Before I left the team, everything that Aaron and I have been through… the real reason he came to this hotel room. “Aaron, it’s been over a year now, that’s all behind me.” Lies. He looked a little distraught at that moment. Aaron reached out grabbing both my hands in one of his. “You’re not okay, last time you tried to pretend you were ok you ended up leaving.” I shyly slip my hands out of his. “And I’d do it all over again.” I unexpectedly grit my teeth at him, the burst of aggression scaring us both. I take a breath before continuing. “Damn it Lehighton, talk to me like a normal person for one minute!” “I can’t just do that Aaron! You’re not a normal person! You’re my ex and my boss and someone who I have too much history with to just act like we’re fine!” Tears begin to form in my eyes. “We can’t even begin to act normal if you don’t want to talk about it, Lehighton!” “Fine-” I throw my hands out to the side dramatically. “Let’s talk about it Aaron. We had a relationship and I left with no explanation because I felt like I didn’t need to give you one!” Aaron signs at me. “I told you when you left there was no explanation needed, there was nothing to forgive-” “Yes there was Aaron! I killed something for both of us! I can’t just let that go like it’s not my fault!” “It wasn’t Lehighton, neither of us could’ve known.” Tears fell from his eyes and it only made me feel worse. My tears began running as well. Aaron reached out, cupping my face and wiping my tears away. I fell into his hand, missing his touch. “Believe it or not, I wished you the best when you left the BAU, even though it was the hardest thing I ever had to do… and when you came back to help on that case, I’ll admit, I was jealous. Jealous that you were happy, you were happy without me. You walked back into that room with the biggest smile on your face, and I missed you so much. You seemed so much happier than when I moved you out of your apartment that I couldn’t help but feel like an asshole for feeling like that cause you were miserable when you left.” I scoff at him, tears running down my face as I back away from his hand. “Aaron, I was anything but happy… not to be overly dramatic but those first 24 hours without you and Jack felt like I couldn’t breathe properly.”
__
“Lehighton, your mom is on line one, warning she’s pissed.” The mayor popped his head into the room as we were sitting around the table getting ready for another day of work, today I chose to join. “What the hell?” I ask myself as I click the accept button on the phone, letting the speaker phone stay on. “Lehighton Dawson! Just because you’re home doesn’t mean you can just let Lila skip school!” Everyone looks at each other confused as Lila was nowhere near me since the blow up at the house. “Whoa whoa, slow down. Lila isn’t with me. I haven’t seen her since yesterday.” “Well then explain to me why I just got a call from the school saying she never showed up today.” The air, all of it, was suddenly knocked out of my lungs. “Maybe she just skipped, she’s probably still upset about the fight.” JJ quickly jumps in, trying to calm both me and my mother’s nerves/ “No, no, Lila would never. She has perfect attendance.” My mother speaks in a panic from the other end of the call, I nod agreeing with her. “She’s right. Lila isn’t like that. Something is wrong.” With that comment, Emily is already out of the room making calls, labeling Lila as a missing person. “Oh my god, Lila’s missing, with a killer on the loose. Oh my god, Lila!” “Mom, mom, calm down, we’ll find her! You have the best team looking for her.” “Dawson!” The mayor bursts back into the room. “There is someone on line 2, they say they want to talk to you.” “Mom, I gotta go.” Without another word, I hang up and quickly switch to line 2 without waiting for a go from the team. “This is SSA Leighton Dawson.” “Lehighton, it’s so good to hear your voice again. After seeing you the other day. I knew I needed to see you again.” Once again the air from the lungs is stolen as the voice of Carson White sounds throughout the room. It doesn’t take more than a second for the team to understand the situation. “Carson, where is my sister?” “Don’t worry, she’s safe. I promise.” “Lehighton!” From the background I can slightly hear her voice. “Carson I swear if you hurt her I will make your life living hell!” Just saying his name hurt my chest. “Lehighton, why would I do that? You love your sister, I could never hurt her.” “Just like you didn’t hurt Chrissy Langdon?” Carson chuckles at her name. “You wished her dead, Lehighton, I was just granting your wish. You hated her, she made you miserable, I was just helping.” Aaron can see the goosebumps rise on my arms and he motions for me to not speak, but I don’t listen. “That was in high school Carson! I haven’t thought about her in years.” “Well, now you’ll never have to worry about her ever again.” “Carson. Where is my sister?” “She’s here, with me, at the old train tracks in the back car. You can come get her if you want.” “What’s the catch?” “Nothing, just the pleasure of your company.” “You must be crazy if you think I’m coming into that train car alone.” He laughs again. “I’m not crazy and I want to meet your team, I want you to bring Aaron Hotchner., tonight at sundown. Don’t be late.” Before being able to speak again the line goes dead, and I scream my lungs out.
–
“I’ll go in first, we'll get Lila and get out as soon as possible.” Aaron explains the plan once again as I sit in the passenger seat beside him on the way to the train tracks. Spencer and Emily in the back. “Understood.” “Reid, station at the back door in case we need back up.” “We won’t.” I say matter-a-factly. “Reid, back door.” “Got it.” ‘We won’t! Carson isn’t getting out that easy. He’s going to rot in jail, understand?” Aaron stays silent, keeping his eyes on the road in front of him.
“Carson, drop the gun.” The sight before me was terrifying, my hand was shaking, my eyes were watery. Lila was kneeling with her hands tied behind her back as Carson stood, his arm wrapped around her neck in a light choke hold. A gun, in his opposite hand against her head. Only now do I understand at least a little bit of the guilt Aaron feels towards his ex-wife. “Lehighton, nice to see you again.” “Shut up and drop the gun.” “And if I don’t?” “You get shot.” Aaron announces unwaverly. “I’m here now, let her go.” I drop my gun down to the floor, showing no threat to him. “No!” He suddenly shouts, making Lila jump in his hold. “She doesn’t deserve to live! You love her, you should love me!” Carson suddenly raised his gun in my direction, being faced with death. Not the first time on the job. At the motion Aaron moves to block me, completely hiding my body from Carson’s view. Dumbass. “Don’t block her from me! I know too much! She loves me, not you! I’ll shoot you!” Carson was unraveling and finally processed Aaron in his presence. The threat seemingly over makes his confession of knowing, as I stop in front of Aaron, although if he really wanted to shoot Aaron, my body wasn’t going to stop him.
I could only imagine the confusion that was covering the team’s faces, minus Rossi’s. I am almost 100% sure that Aaron had confided in him about our relationship. They’re hearing everything through the wire I was currently wearing. “Think about what you’re saying very very carefully, please.” I beg at this point. “What you know is just going to hurt her. You don’t want to do that, do you?” Aaron suddenly speaks again, trying everything to get him to stop talking. “You hurt her the second you got her pregnant.”
The bomb was dropped.
“Lehighton, what do you see in him! He’s old enough to be your father and he’s your boss! What the hell is wrong with you? When did you become such a slut!” Anger, anger filled me. Yes, I hated him before this moment, however the feeling I felt in that moment didn’t hit me until now. “Go fuck yourself Carson!” Redness rose in Carson’s face as the gun was once again raised, to point at Aaron. That's when from the corner of my eye I spotted him… Spencer at the back door of the train car, rushing forward, gun pointed at Carson. I process what’s happening, “No!” I rush forward as the sound of a gun goes off, I drop to the floor, just as I reach Lila, wrapping my arms around her before black takes over my vision.
I open my eyes to a black sky full of shining stars. For a moment, I think it’s heaven or some kind of afterlife, but then I see the red and blue lights flashing and the sounds of people talking and sirens. I quickly notice myself on a gurney, an air mask around my face. I sit up, slipping the mask off and suddenly an EMT is at my side. “You need to keep that on-” “Where’s Lila?” “She;s okay, she was taken to the hospital just as a precaution.” I nod, pulling my knees to my chest, and I feel the familiar feeling of a panic attack begin to set in as the events of the night replay in my head. I stand as I continue to hyperventilate. Looking around, stumbling aimlessly through the crowd of police and EMTs my eyes land on my team. Derek is the first one to notice me, he breaks the conversation with Aaron to turn his attention to me. None of them have ever seen me like this, see me break. The thought of that is oddly enough what’s causing the majority of my panic. I seemingly lose track of time as in the next second I’m clinging to Aaron, breaking down in his arms. It’s unclear how long I was there before opening my eyes and spotting the EMT’s wheeling something out on a gurney… a black body bag. Lile and the rest of my team is accounted for, it could only be him. I don’t know what comes over me as a scream bursts from my throat, I try to run towards the EMTs only being stopped by Aaron’s arms around my waist pulling and keeping me back. Collapsing onto the ground Aaron still holding on tight and not letting me go.
