I feel it running through my veins
Guess I'm already bleeding for it
All four chambers got a different kinda beat for it
Try to hold my breath but it's filling up my lungs
Try keep it quiet but it's banging like a drum
And they're shaking up my bones
And tearing up my ligaments
I'm still tryna act like, nah it ain't that serious
In an interview with the New York Times, Chase had once spoke about his ALS as something that only moved his life forward. He had sat in the interview with his usual energy, making the room laugh, a trait that was made clear on paper when the article was published. He had told the reporter that all he wanted was to be able to look back on life in his final moments and know that he had done everything he could to live his life to the fullest. That he had loved enough, done enough, seen enough to feel like his life was not ended early in vain.
And that was how he set out to face his life. Three kids, a wife that made his entire world rotate, a career that he could be proud of and tons of friends and family who were with him every step of the way. As his condition worsened he started to make more plans. He spent more time with his friends, had longer conversations with Odessa on what they were going to do, how they were going to ease the kids into accepting the fact that they would lose their father earlier than most. He spent their childhoods doing everything they wanted. Every game, science fair, photography showcase, fashion show, whatever it was, Chase was there, front and center, cheering them on. He had gone to D.C. almost weekly to support Odessa, to give her the momentum she needed. He cheered on every piece of legislation, held her hand during election results, rioted in the streets. He had gotten to see Liam and Jordan get married, gotten to meet their kids, gotten to be an Uncle to them. He had gotten to see Agnes take over the world, he had given so much of his heart to her daughter, watched proudly as they got accepted into top colleges and formed their own little crew amongst each other. He had seen Mariela get married and welcomed in her children with open arms, grateful of the love she had given him over the years. He had gotten to see Haven and Emory grow, and had made sure that all their kids felt that he was the number one Uncle He had gotten to marry his best friend and spend the majority of his life loving a woman who he knew he was created to love. He had lived a life he was proud of, one that wouldn’t be forgotten.
His last moments were quiet. He had been surrounded by his family, Odessa right next to him as she always had been. They had sensed it and even though he had no ability to tell them all, they knew. If he had been able to express how he felt he would have told them again and again how much he loved them. He would have held his children close, kissed their faces and let them know that the pain would pass and he’d be with them wherever they went. He’d hold Oddie’s face in his hands and tell her that in his entire life, she was the greatest thing to ever happen to him. That there was no Chase without Odessa. That she’d be okay. That he’d love her always, he’d be next to her, as he always had been. He wanted to tell his friends that they made his life rich and full, that they were the best family he could ask for. He had said all of this to them in the past years but he wanted to remind them, to help them be okay once he was gone, to help them through, to be there even when he couldn’t be.
But the moment came quietly. One moment he was there and the next he wasn’t. The quiet consumed the room, tears already falling as Chase took his final breath. It had been what he wanted. He had wanted to go in his own home, with the people he loved, in a place that embodied who and what he was.
In his New York Times interview, the last question Chase had been asked had been, “If you wanted the world to remember one thing after you’re gone? What would it be?”
He had smiled, sat back in his chair and taken a deep breath. “I’d want the world to know that sometimes life doesn’t turn out how you planned. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be amazing. It sounds cheesy but when I’m gone, I just want the world...my loved ones to know that I lived my life with an open heart and that my life has been so full because of it. Love, love until your lungs give out, love until you can’t take it, love what you do, love who you are, love those around you. Love, love and continue to give love and receive love. Yeah...love, I’m gonna go with that.”
My love is the bomb and forgiveness is the rocket
Which army gon' stop it, my faith rises up
Even while pulse droppin'
I roll it on my heart so it's never forgotten
You're only begotten
The sun and the moon and the stars, all been watching (x)