#about personal stuff

[sesamestreep]

not even kidding a little bit, can everyone like pray for me or something? this last week has just been brutal…

[totalfreakingloser]

I'm making a new rule of when you know you've upset me I'm not listening to you until you apologize and mean it. I'm tired of being treated like this.

[kunstpause-archive]

personal stuff - no rblobs pls

So for the past few days I’ve first thought I might get seriously sick until I slowly realised that I basically constantly feel like I am low-key having a serious panic-attack. This has been going on for days, I've not been sleeping well, dizzy spells and nausea, heart-racing and breathing problems. So I am limiting being online at the moment. I am not leaving tumblr or twitter or ao3 or anything and I am not stopping with writing - I just need to take things slow at the moment I think.

I’ve made an online appointment with my therapist and am in the process of upgrading my online security in an attempt to make me feel more secure. (there is some irl mess going on that also amplified that need) 

So if you don’t see me around for a few days please don’t worry, I’m doing the best I can. And I’ll be back. Soon, hopefully.

[wooyukh]

asked my brother if he could take me somewhere really quick and he told me yes but to wait until his gf gets out of work so she can come too,,,, man does it look like i wanna third wheel🧍🏻‍♀️???????

[kunstpause-archive]

I was getting so incredibly annoyed at everything and super grumpy on top of it until I realised I forgot to eat something decent...

I had a late breakfast and then I was baking and being surrounded by sugary stuff always kills my appetite - so now its 3am, my last meal was at noon and I am cooking ramen now - like the healthy, responsible 35 year old adult that I am... 😎👌

[kunstpause-archive]

you know what bugged be about this callout post? the constant use of “sexualise” when they obviously men “objectify” for one and the other:

The focus on how portraying people as very open about sex or having anything that is not deemed uwusoft sex as being “problematic” and triggering for abuse survivors. Which is straight up bullshit. Can it be? Yes. Are there many survivors of abuse who are still very sexual people? Also yes. So just admit that you just don’t like how other people ship things...

To get personal for a moment: I’m an adult. I’ve been one for a long time. I’ve been in a committed long-term relationship for 14 years now. I am also a csa survivor and have been in very unhealthy relationships when I was a teenager and a young adult. I have a very open and great relationship to sex by now and it took me many, many years to get there and if I wanna write about that? Or about any sexual stuff? I am going to. (To get personal one more time, exploring power dynamics with a loving partner and dipping into bdsm has helped me more than 10+ years of therapy personally -  there is nothing wrong with that.) And I will tag it accordingly and if you have a problem with something that isn’t vanilla or super soft you can read those tags and stay safely away from it. 

If my OC’s are very sexual and sleep with everyone they want however they want it, again, there is nothing wrong about that. 

No one in a freaking fandom of all places has and right to tell me how I am supposed to write fan fiction and what I am supposed to find repulsive or not because of their own trauma. Dealing with that and finding a way forward is your own responsibility, not mine.

[kunstpause-archive]

About me - I was tagged by @weissegiraffe

1. How tall are you? - 176 cm

2. What color and style is your hair? - short, either black or really colourful, depending on how lazy I am

3. What color are your eyes? - Blue

4. Do you wear glasses? - Yes

5. Do you wear braces? - Not anymore, did as a teen though

6. What’s your fashion sense? - comfortable. probably slightly weird. and changins every six months

7. Full name? - I have one

8. Where were you born? - Germany

9. What kind of student are you? - Were. I was super lazy, annoying my teachers by still getting by just fine.

10. Do you like school? - Yes and now. We had some cool subjects. The rest was boring an restrictive

11. Favorite subject?  - Latin, Philosophy, Ancient Greek, Astronomy

12. Favorite TV Shows? - Star Trek, Leverage, Elementary, The Good Place, B99, One day at a time, bot most is mood dependant?

13. Favorite Movies? - Movies are too damn long and usually start to bore me. I usually don’t watch them twice

14. Favorite Books? - The Neverending Story (the movie is uninspired garbage though)

15. Favorite Past-time? - writing, gaming, reading, making music

16. Do you have any regrets? - Not really. Nothing so uch that I would change it.

17. Dream Job? - None at all please. I have enough hobbies to last me a lifetime, I can live without

18. Would you ever get married? - I did

19. Would you like to have kids? - see above. I have two.

20. Do you like shopping? - Yes if I can do it online and if it’s not clothes

21. Scariest Nightmare You’ve Had? - The worst nightmares I get are the ones where I dream I am in a serious and really hurtful fight with someone I love

22. Any enemies? - No. Though there is probably enough people who don’t care about me.

23. Any significant others? - Everyone in my life is significant, otherwise they wouldn't be in it.

24. Do you believe in miracles? - I believe in people that can surprise you.

25. How are you? - It is too warm and my brain is melting away. Otherwise I am at a very good point in life where everything is kinda going just right.

tagging @edencalder @curiousthimble @knallbart @beserkerjewel @elveny @madziebane (ignore if inconvenient ;) )

[kunstpause-archive]

damn it. I have chronic tendonitis and usually have it under control by a rigorously set up work and game space that puts the least amount of strain on my wrists

Last week my right wrist started acting up even though I did less work and played less games than usual so I had it in a brace for almost a week by now and it is slowly getting better but now my left wrist is acting up badly - probably from me unconsciously doing more with my left hand

at this point I am wearing a wrist brace on each arm and I feel ridiculous...