#about:advice

[askthelionkitty]

best advice you could give/have been given?

I’m not really the person that you should come to if you need some sentimental piece of advice. I really think you should ask someone else if you really need something.

Be nice to yourself. Everything else will fall into place.

[talktothequinnfabray]

I want to be an English major, but my parents want me to be a doctor. How can I convey to them that this is really what I want to do- I've tried talking to them about it, but it's not getting through to them.

I’m really sorry that planning for college can’t be as exciting for you as it should be. Parental expectations can be a lot to deal with, especially when they contradict what you want for yourself.

Although this first part of my advice may not be what you want to hear, it’s important too. Your parents love you. Probably more than anything else in the world. Parents want the best for their children, and are always praying that their kids will be able to navigate the world and face challenges with strength. They have lived longer than you, experienced more than you, and will always want better for you than they had for themselves. 

However, that being said..They probably just don’t understand your major choice. They may be thinking.. “English major? What job will my baby be able to get? will they have enough money? Will they be able to get by?” So, it’s not as though they are saying “I don’t want my child to follow their dreams, I’m going to make sure they never get to major in what they want”. 

Now that I have tried to explain their mindset a little bit, I will share the real advice here. I actually did this with my mom because, she was a little concerned about sending me to an Ivy League school to major in drama. I would do some research into what careers people have gotten after graduating with a degree in English. Then you can find the median income for those jobs. Once you have a median income you can narrow down schools that’s tuition match your income, that way you can avoid excessive student loan debt. If you do all of that and show your parents, they may be more open to listening to your goals and ambitions.

[talktothequinnfabray]

You are so smart and perfect and smart. I have so many college questions for you, i am sending them all to you now, please answer when you can!

I thank you for the compliments, I do. I appreciate them to no end. However, I want to make it perfectly clear to you that I am by no means an expert. You should really talk to your guidance counselor for the best information possible.

That being said.. I received your questions and I will answer them once a do a bit more research for you. I am going to try and answer to the absolute best of my ability.

[talktothequinnfabray]

Help! I want to go to a catholic college, I have a 3.3 gpa out of 4.0. I took a lot of AP classes, I want to be in the Northeast. i want to major in Political Science. Will you help me pick one? Pleaseee.

You’re very lucky that I am bored and don’t have a morning class this morning, young lady! :) I have done a little bit of research for you.

So it’s always important to have a “safety” and a “realistic” school choice. However, I usually find it beneficial to have a reach school as well because, often times you may have something besides grades that captures their eyes (i.e service learning, work experience, etc.) so I like to have a reach school. 

For you I have matched up some samples for you. 

Safety: Saint Michael’s College in Colchester, Vermont. They are a small, catholic college, with a focus and mission in public service. Something that would fit in with your major of Political Science. Their average GPA is a 3.0 and they are test optional. You did not include your SAT scores in here but, you have wiggle room with this school. If you did very well - send them! If not, you have the GPA and AP classes to get in - so don’t send them!

Realistic School: Saint Anselm in Manchester New Hampshire. It’s similar in size to Saint Michael’s. Both of them are relatively small. The average GPA is a 3.0-3.3 so you are in the spectrum, making it a realistic rather than a safety. They are also SAT optional, so again you can decide whether or not you want to send your scores. As for being a political science major there, they have a political institute on campus where politicians come regularly and the first primary of every presidential election is held there.

Reach School: Wheaton College in Norton, MA. I believe the average GPA is about a 3.5 to get into the school, so that is slightly above your wheel house but, with a good interview you never know! 

Also, if you click on all the names of the schools it will bring you to their websites! Hope this helped you a little!

[talktomarleyrose]

Thanks Marley, I'll try to talk to her tomorrow. I don't want to hurt my friend and break them up when this guy probably doesn't even like me in the first place. But I also don't want to not speak up and never know what could have been. Thanks again, I really appreciate it.

You’re most welcome. I’m always here to try and help in any way that I can! Good luck, and remember if he doesn’t like somebody as wonderful as you, clearly he’s not worth your time or energy. 

[talktomarleyrose]

Hi Marley, I need some advice. My best friend was helping me get this guys number that I liked and she got it for me... but she also kept it and started to talk to him too. Soon he stopped talking to me and started hanging out with her. She asked me if she could date him. I didnt know what to say since she is my best friend so I said I it was ok but really Im not really comfortable with the situation. Did i do the right thing? Should I tell my friend to not see this guy anymore? :/

Hi anon!

I’m really sorry you’re in that type of situation. It’s never easy.

Honestly I think if you’re not okay with the two of them dating that you should speak up, and at least get your friend to listen to your side of the story. If she really is your best friend she’d at least have to talk to you about it. Wouldn’t it be better you speak up now and say you’re uncomfortable with it than seeing them together and hurting? 

I hope things work out for you, just remember there’s plenty more fish in the sea, and you just have to hold your head high and always speak your feelings, burying them is only going to hurt you in the long run. Good luck!

[talktothequinnfabray]

What advice would you offer someone who feels like her life has gone off the rails in her last year of high school?

Sorry for allowing this question to sit for a little bit in my inbox. I have desperately been trying to find the right words to describe the advice I have to offer. So, here is my best shot.

You have to take responsibility for the fact that you will either become a product of what you experience or a product of your reaction to what you experience. One is beyond your control, the other is well within your control.

Life happens and I understand that completely, maybe more so than a lot of other people, however, you can't allow that to define you. If you do you are allowing yourself to stoop to the level of your negative experience. 

So my advice becomes the four R's: Remember, Remind, Recognize, Reward.

Remember the person you were before you became jaded. Once the image of that person is firmly planted in your mind, pick out what it was about that person you loved so much. Once you pinpoint the very thing it is that you feel as though you are missing, you have something tangible to work towards. 

Remind yourself of a couple of things.

You are beautiful, not that you used to be beautiful before your life changed, remind yourself that you are. This step may be the hardest of all, as most times I find the people that 'go off the rails' have minimal to non existant self esteems. That won't change in a day, but, it'll never change unless that individual and the support they have around them focuses on rebuilding.

Also, that no matter how low you are feeling, making other's feel as bad as you do, will never amount to you feeling better. Trust me, I've tried, it doesn't work and the abuse you throw at them, only slowly eats away at you more. It's important to use your pain to help make sure others don't feel that pain.

Recognize that you are not broken and you don't need to fixed. Asking for help or working towards recovering yourself to your full potential is not showing weakness, it's actually showing strength. So, never, ever, fear asking for help when you need it. 

Reward yourself for the small victories. Whether it's getting a good grade on your English test or going a week without a detention. It's those positive renforcements that will motivate you to continue to move forward.