i wish i could appreciate myself. i find that i compare myself to others so often that i just seem like worthless pile of haphazardous crap strewn about the earth. i often wonder if people do the same thing to me. do they get jealous of me like i get jealous of them? a human looks so much better from an outside perspective. i’m afraid the inside perspective is quite dark and hostile. at least in my experience. so maybe everyone feels this way, but no one ever can truly express it, so perhaps we’re all stuck in this dumb jealous cycle. but if you break free, man oh man, you’re now a cocky asshole. i mean it’s really hard to feel good about yourself without being an asshole. it’s hard to feel good about yourself without thinking terribly demeaning thoughts about others around you. and that’s a really sad thing. perhaps it’s about balance. to find the right combination of modesty and confidence. i can try. we all can try. but most of the time, i just feel like shit about myself.