Abandoned, then found by those that were also alone and looking for a place to belong, and then found again but by people that didn't actually care about you. They led you on with pretty words and sugar coated promises.
Their love was conditional, and you had to bend over backwards to please them, had to hurt yourself and set yourself on fire to keep them warm.
You had to run from them. Had to break away and hide yourself, you pushed people away to stay safe and even though you're safe now, you're still pushing people away.
Terrified of being used again, of being lied to and strung along for someone else's gain.
It's to the point that even your loved ones, even people you'd trust with your life, you're scared of what they'll do if you mess up, if you voice your fears will they be angry with you?
They'd never hurt you, they love you, and you know this.
But that one person - they ruined it for you.
They made you harbor this horrible fear and anxiety inside you that tells you that you aren't good enough, that you will never be enough and to just give up and go back to them, because that cruelty is all you'll ever deserve.
Just know, that this is a lie. You don't deserve that pain, that suffering.
Those are the words of someone who hurt, used and abused you, and you don't ever have to go back to them.
Your fear may hurt the ones you love, but not how you imagine.
They'll be heartbroken and hurt to hear how scared and hurting you were, how you thought you had to hide that from them. You never have to hide from the people that truly love you, every part of you.